My Everyday Fairytale

Movement!

2011-11-22T13:55:00.001-06:00

I'm 21 weeks and can finally feel baby girl move around in there! It's not very strong yet, and it doesn't happen very often, but it's a great feeling. When I start to feel her kick I'll stop what I'm doing and just feel for her with my hand on my belly. Tom can't wait to be able to feel her too. He's getting very excited now that I'm showing (pic tomorrow) and she's moving. :)

I'm starting to feel a little more prepared for her arrival. I know we still have 4 months, but I like things done in advance. ;) I've been buying things we need here and there as they go on sale and I have a list of things we still need. It's nice to cross things off the list as I get them. It's been hard not to buy any clothes, but I know that's what most people are going to give as gifts, and I don't want a bunch of outfits she will outgrow before she gets to them, so I'm holding off for now.

Hearing all the stories about other people visiting Santa and getting ready for Christmas has me really excited for Christmas next year. I can't wait to play Santa and experience the holidays through the eyes of a child again. It's going to be so much fun!

IT'S A GIRL!

2011-11-15T15:04:00.000-06:00

Looks like it's team pink for us! She was very shy, but healthy! I also have an anterior placenta (which I figured since I haven't felt any movement yet.)

...She will never have a name though. I have literally gone through THOUSANDS of names. And Tom doesn't like a single name I like, and I don't like any of the names he likes. We can't even come close to agreeing on anything. I am so sick of looking at names. :(

Other than that, I'm slacking on the belly pictures and need to get on that since I'm already half way done! I can't believe how fast time is moving along!

Cancer

2011-10-20T11:35:00.000-05:00

My mother-in-law has cancer. Tom found out last night. I guess it's on her lip/mouth. They did a small biopsy that showed it was cancerous, but they don't know if it's just skin cancer, or another form that has spread.

Obviously all cancer is bad, but right now we are hoping for skin cancer. That will be a much easier road that any other form of cancer. She is having surgery on Halloween to remove all of it and they won't know exactly what type of cancer it is until a week or so later.

I know Tom is nervous, but his dad also had skin cancer years ago. They cut it all out and he has been fine. So I know he is assuming the same thing is going to happen to his mom. And I hope so too.

3 weeks, 2 days

2011-10-19T14:43:00.002-05:00

I only have 3 weeks & 2 days left until we find out if we are on team pink or blue. It feels so far away, but yet I can't believe I'm so close to being half way done with this pregnancy already!

I was thinking yesterday about how I am rushing this pregnancy. I couldn't wait for my first OB appt, couldn't wait until I was out of the 1st trimester, I can't wait for my scan, etc etc. I need to slow down and stop rushing it. I feel beyond lucky that I was able to get pregnant easily and have had a pretty good pregnancy so far. These next 3 weeks will be the last 3 weeks of my entire life where I am wondering if my first child will be a boy or a girl. I will never have this time back. (and just writing this is making me tear up!) I need to stop wishing the time away and enjoy the here and now. The baby will be here in the blink of an eye. No need to make it come faster than it already is.

I think my hormones have kicked in because I am seriously sitting here trying not to cry because in 3 weeks I will know the sex of my baby. I'm officially crazy.

Daycare vs SAHM

2011-10-17T16:56:00.000-05:00

So I started looking into daycare. Without my income things are going to be very, very tight. So I figured I would keep working at least part time.

Um, it's not going to happen. I've e-mailed and price checked a ton of daycares around our house. (both centers and in-home.) Most were out of our price range (Um, $325 per week?! No way.) All of the ones in our price range are booked until 2013 (or about 2 years from now) and have a long waiting list already in case a spot opens up.

So let me get this straight...I was supposed to get on the waiting list for daycare about 2 years before my baby is actually born? How is this possible?!

The daycare we can afford is full. The daycares with openings are too expensive. I'm 99% sure I'm going to stay-at-home. It's not the end of the world, who wouldn't want to stay with their baby? But I'm really nervous because money is going to be really, really tight. We are going to have no extra "fun"money. Tom was really stressing about being the sole bread-winner. But since looking into daycare some more, he's come to accept the fact that we might have no choice.

If things get really bad I could always get a night/weekend job. But I think I would rather scrape by than go that route. I would never see Tom that way and I don't think that added stress will be good for our marriage on top of a newborn.

I've recently picked up more shifts at work now in order to save up as much as I can before April. I just hope it's enough. I'm not anti-welfare at all. It is there for people in need, which was my own mother after she got divorced. We truly needed help. But it does get abused and it makes me mad that we are struggling to have ONE baby when we are responsible, working adults when there are people who have 4, 5, 6 babies and don't have to pay anything for them.

Rant over. :(

Hypoglycemia

2011-10-10T13:00:00.000-05:00

A few times earlier in my pregnancy I would have little episodes where I got kind of dizzy & felt like I might pass out. I ate something or drank some juice and felt better. It was never really bad, just slightly annoying.

However, the past few days it has been happening every single morning and it has been bad. It even happens if I eat breakfast (but it's worse if I haven't eaten anything yet.) This morning was so bad I was late to work. It hit me like a truck. All of a sudden I got really hot & sweaty, my heart was pounding, I was nauseous, dizzy, and felt like I was going to pass out. My legs were so weak I couldn't even stand. It was pretty scary. I drank a bunch of apple juice and sat down for a bit and it passed. I figured I better call my doctor because I was worried about diabetes.

The nurse I talked to said it is definetly a blood sugar issue. She said I need to increase the frequency of my meals and change what I'm eating. They want me eating before I even get out of bed. They want me to eat every 2 hours. I have to eat like I'm diabetic. Mainly focusing on getting more protein. (and of course avoiding sugar)

While this problem is better than having high blood sugar (where I would have to monitor my levels daily and possibly be on insulin!) It still sucks that I have to deal with this. My doctor thinks it can be taken care of with diet, and I hope so. They want me to make sure I'm getting enough calories. (which I'm sure I am.) I'm eating when I'm hungry, I'm not eating a perfect diet, but I'm not eating total crap either. So I guess I'm a little shocked that I have to deal with this.

I guess I'm going to the grocery store tonight after work and getting some extra eggs, cheese & nuts! Meat is an aversion I have so I have to look at getting protein from other sources.

It's amazing what having your blood sugar be off (even slightly) can do to you. It was a really scary morning feeling so sick and weak. At least it seems to be a pretty easy fix! (and my fingers are crossed that I don't get full blown G.D.)

14 weeks

2011-10-05T11:45:00.001-05:00

I had my 2nd appt yesterday at 14 weeks. I was nervous because my last appt was a month ago and I know a lot can change in a month (especially during 1st tri!) But I went in and they found the heartbeat right away. I'm also in the 2nd tri now so I'm starting to relax and become excited. My baby is due in less than 6 months--wow! I can't believe it! I've gained about 7lbs so far. I'm also starting to gain a pound a week. Which freaked me out at first, but I did the math and even if I keep gaining 1lb a week I will gain about 32-33lbs by the end. Although I would prefer to gain only 25, I'm ok with 30.

I'm also having a ton of cramping. It started a couple days ago. I guess it's round ligament pain (or just normal stretching) It doesn't hurt, it's just uncomfortable.

I'm also measuring slightly over a week ahead. I know my dates are 100% because I was charting. But my OB said if I'm still measuring over a week ahead at my A/S next month they will change my due date. I am SO EXCITED for our scan. Only 5 weeks and 2 days to go!

14 weeks

Last week my mom came down and wanted to go crib shopping. I know it's early but she was so excited! We got a good deal on the Simmons Summer Harvest. (pictured below) So I guess we can cross that off our list!

Our first appt

2011-09-26T11:32:00.000-05:00

(So I know this is a little late because I went to my first appt 3 weeks ago now.)

We went to our first OB appt when I was 10 weeks. I had Tom go with because I knew they were going to check for a heartbeat and I needed him there in case something was wrong. I was super nervous. I just wanted some proof that I was pregnant and that there was a baby in there. (No, the 7 positive pregnancy tests weren't enough "proof" to me that I was actually pregnant!)

So we get there and they go over my paperwork, and do a little talking. Then they have me gown up and they pull out the doppler. She was searching all over and couldn't find a heartbeat. She must have been trying for 10 minutes. I started to get really nervous. She said that she was going to grab the ultrasound machine really quick to determine viability. (yikes) As soon as she walked out of the room Tom turned to me and said, "Uh oh."

Thankfully as soon as they turned the machine on, a little baby blob showed up and I saw the little heart flicker. It was a huge relief. The baby was measuring a week ahead, but they kept my due date the same. The baby was also moving around which was crazy because it felt surreal that there was actually a baby moving around inside of me!

We left feeling relieved that everything was on track. And Tom promptly spilled the beans to a bunch of people! Almost everyone we see on a regular basis knows we are pregnant now. We are waiting to tell Facebook until after my appt next week. I want to hear the heartbeat and make it to 14weeks before we are out to the entire world.

12 weeks

2011-09-21T15:06:00.000-05:00

Below is my 11 & 12 week bump pics. I didn't feel like there was much of a difference from last week to this week...but seeing it side-by-side I can tell a difference for sure!

11 weeks 12 weeks

Updates

2011-09-19T17:02:00.003-05:00

So...it's been awhile. To be fair, in my last post I did say how busy I was going to be. Although I think my lack of blogging has been from tiredness/laziness. I will post my first official bump pic and my 12 week update tomorrow. (Yeah...all the way to 12 weeks now! How did that happen?!)

I guess I need to update on what we've been up to the past month... I'm going to start with how we told our families the big news.

First the story about how we told my family (except my brother, who wasn't there.) My little sister was going to come stay with us for a week so we went up there to pick her up. My mom needed to look through our wedding pictures because she hasn't ordered her pictures yet (8 months later...) So I printed off a picture of the digital test and the word "pregnant" and stuck it in the middle of the album. So her and my sister are paging through the album, commenting on the pictures and marking which ones they want to order. Finally they get to the "speical" page...

Sister,"What's that?!" --points to pic of test

Mom, "I don't know. What is that? It looks like a pregnancy test? What is that doing in here?"

* They are both in complete denial*

Mom asks again, "How did this get in there?"

Me, "I'm pregnant."

Mom & sister, "NO YOU'RE NOT! OMG, NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE LIEING! SCREAMS. OMG"

Me, "Yes, I am pregnant."

Mom, "No you're not! Are you? NO WAY! more screaming & lots of crying..."

...Needless to say that was a lot of fun and my family is excited!

So since my brother wasn't there, we made them keep it a secret so we could tell him in person. I told my brother that we were coming up to see Tom's family and I wanted to meet for lunch. So we get there and talk for a bit and order some food. After awhile I told him that I have an early birthday present for him. I pull out this...

He grabbed the blank side first, so it took him a second to turn it around and read what it said. Once he got it he got a little smirk on his face and looked at me with tears in his eyes. I'll never forget the look on his face. My macho, 19 year old brother, tearing up when he found out he was going to be an uncle. It was great. :)

I'm not going to waste much time on the reaction we got from the in-laws, because of course it sucked and Tom's still hurt by it. Not even his mom (who we though FOR SURE would be beyond excited) seemed very un-excited. She was happy, I guess. But it was very luke-warm. Considering she only has 1 grandchild and that grandchild lives in Texas (we're in Minnesota) you would think she would be happy to have one in the same state? I don't get it. Tom's brother never said one word, Not even a fake congrats. Tom's dad asked why we didn't wait longer, and that he thought Tom was too young. (Um, he's THIRTY!) He also asked Tom if he was happy to be having a baby. Tom said, "Of course, this baby was planned--by the both of us. We wanted this." What a loser. :/

Anyway, I promise I will update more. I'm starting to feel better and I want to document my pregnancy now that I actually feel (and am starting to look! eek!) pregnant!

How I'm feeling

2011-08-11T09:53:00.000-05:00

I'm a little over 6 weeks and the nausea and EXHAUSTION started a couple days ago. So far I haven't gotten physically sick, but I feel like I have the flu 24/7. By the time I get home from work (my job is not tough) I am too tired to do anything. Cooking dinner or unloading the dishwasher wipes me out for the night. The biggest thing I'm dealing with is never being hungry. I have no appetite and all food makes me feel gross. I have to force myself to eat but yet I look so bloated you would think I've been eating pizza & beer for dinner every night! I've had some cramping (mainly weeks 4-5) but it's starting to fade away now. I don't have my first appointment until I'm 10 weeks...so I still have another month to wait! :( Hopefully we will hear the heartbeat then and we can relax a little bit.

We have such a busy month, I don't know how we are going to finish everything! We have to go 3 hours away to see Tom's family this weekend, we have to finish painting the outside of our house, go to a friend's wedding reception next weekend, we needs to put new trim up in the kitchen, clean our house...Oh, and I'm planning a big party for Tom's 30th birthday in two weeks! I have NOTHING started yet. No food/cake ordered. No decorations. Nothing. I had grand plans for this party. Somehow, I don't think everything I wanted to do is actually going to get done...

3rd time was a charm!

2011-07-27T08:07:00.002-05:00

This is the story about how I found out I AM PREGNANT in a campground bathroom. Oh yes...

This past weekend we went camping with a couple of our friends. I took a pregnancy test before we left even though I knew it was too early (only 9DPO) Of course it was negative. I wasn't too upset, because even though our timing was 100% perfect this month, I had a (TMI) horrible yeast infection right around/after O time so I thought we were out.

We headed out camping and had a great time. It was a nice campground. They even had a mini golf course and a creek with a wicked current that you can float down with your tube (and beer of course!)

On Saturday morning (11DPO) I decided to take another test. I brought one with because we were doing a lot of wine tasting that day. I know drinking in early pregnancy (especially BEFORE I even miss my period won't harm the baby...but I wanted to know.) So I went off to take a shower at 6:30 am when everyone else was still sleeping. I took the test (in a campground bathroom! lol!) almost right away there was a faint line. I was in shock and decided to jump in the shower because I couldn't sit there and wait the 2 minutes for the test to fully develop. I was a shaking mess! After I put shampoo in my hair I actually dumped body wash in my hair instead of conditioner! After my shower I picked up the test and there was no mistaking that there was a 2nd line there. It was pretty light, but I know that "a line is a line." I've taken lots of pregnancy tests and I have NEVER seen a 2nd line. So I was pretty sure I was pregnant. I started crying, and thankfully no one else was in there with me.

I went back down to our tent and woke up Tom. I leaned over and said "Our baby has already gone on his first beer tour. " (We had toured a brewery the day before.) And he laughed and told me "No he didn't. You're not pregnant."

Me: "Yes I am"

Him "No your not."

Me "YES I AM."

Him "How do you know"

Me "I took a test"

He then asks to see the test...

Him " It's too light. It's not as dark as the other line. It must be negative."

I grab my iphone (Thank goodness for the iphone!) and google "faint positives" and "a line is a line."

He finally believes me.

We went home the next day and I took a couple more tests right away to confirm. We are cautiously optimistic. Tom is BEYOND excited. He is always rubbing my tummy. (Which is nothing but bloat at this point!) He makes sure I am eating and feeling well. He asks me multiple times a day if he can tell someone yet. (and I keep telling him it's too early!) It's starting to sink in and feel more & more real. My EDD: is 04/03/2012. I guess God knew to wait until I was ready. This was the first month I didn't feel nervous, and we got our BFP! I'm praying that everything goes well and this is a sticky baby!

Adding the normal disclaimer: if you are my FB friend (or you are a lurker and know me?) Please don't say anything. It's way too soon. Thanks!

I finally get it

2011-07-11T13:05:00.000-05:00

So this is our 3rd month TTC. At first, Tom was the one who was ready, and it was his idea to start trying earlier than we planned. I was so nervous & scared...and not sure I was ready.

I AM SO READY NOW!

I don't know what changed, maybe I just needed a few months to get used to the idea. But I have NEVER had baby fever like this! It's literally in the back on my mind 24/7. I desperately want a BFP this month and for once, I think a BFN would really sting. The past couple didn't bother me...but I know this month will be a different story.I finally "get it." The desire for a baby, for a family. I never REALLY felt that urge before. And man, did it ever come full force!

Thankfully we've been really busy with BBQ'S, spending time with our friends, wine festivals(!!), and camping. But the desire to have a tiny baby is still there.

I'm ready. And I can say that for sure now. I don't think I was meant to get pregnant right away because I wasn't really ready. Well, now I am so bring on the BFP! ;)

3rd time's a charm?

2011-06-28T14:44:00.000-05:00

We're starting our 3rd cycle of TTC now. I can't believe we are starting our 3rd month already! It feels like we just started! But in any case, I still feel really hopeful about it. My body has had a couple months to regulate (and things seem to be going well) so now we can get serious about it ;)

We have been keeping busy as well. We are still working on painting the house. We've had a lot of rain every weekend and have been unable to finish. We also planted a herb garden and cut down a tree in our backyard.

We've gone to a bunch of garage sales & found some little treasures. We've also done a lot of hanging out with friends, grilling & have drank our fair share of margaritas ;) I guess it's been a pretty good summer so far! I think having the nice weather and a bunch of house projects to do have kept my mind off TTC for a bit. Hopefully we are pregnant before this winter when I have nothing better to do but worry about it! ha!

Hopefully our 3rd time will be the charm!

5 years!

2011-06-17T12:10:00.001-05:00

5 years ago today Tom & I went on our first date! We met at a bar and he bought me a couple drinks. Then we spent the rest of the night/early morning taking a long walk and talking/getting to know each other. In no way did I think he would be the man I married, but I'm glad he was. :)

He got me a cute card & a bunch of candy. Not good for the tummy size, but it was very sweet.

Tonight we are going out to dinner and maybe a local happy hour after. It's only fitting to have a drink in a bar to celebrate, considering that's where we met. ;)

No Bueno

2011-06-16T15:41:00.000-05:00

Guys, TTC is not fun. I'm pretty sure we have a 1% chance of getting pregnant this month.

I can't bring myself to write about this even though I have a feeling it's really common...

So we need to figure out how to fix this problem, make TTC fun again, and move onto next month's cycle.

Not much else is new. One of our friends, who are going to be TTC in August, came over last weekend. They asked me if I would seriously be open to watching their future baby for them. We have talked about it before, in a half serious/half joking manner. Well, I know they are actually serious about it. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I guess it all depends on when we both get pregnant. I'm not sure I can handle 2 newborns at once as a first time mom. But we'll see. It's something to think about...

Feeling like a teenager

2011-06-10T09:26:00.000-05:00

And NOT in a good way! Last month was my first month off the pill. I was prepared for all the side effects that came alone with it. Except...nothing happened. I didn't break out, I didn't gain weight, my PMS was only slightly worse, I had a perfectly normal cycle, etc etc.

HAHAHAHA. Apparently my body just needed a month to get into a groove because now that we're in month #2 my face is HORRIBLE! I feel like a teenager again! I had horrible acne when I was younger and thankfully going on the pill helped a lot. I'm using all the drug store washes but nothing is working. :( I hope this will even out soon because this is NO FUN!

I've also started gaining weight. Partly because I am starving all the time. My stomach will literally ache and grumble even after I've eaten dinner!

When I was younger, my Doctor thought I probably had PCOS. I had every single one of the symptoms. I'm worried that my first month off the pill was a fluke with my perfect, symptom-free cycle and now I'm getting into the "real" ones. I could go 3-4 months without a period, had horrible acne, was overweight, excess hair (omg yes I admit it!) I was really hopeful after last month...but now, not so much. :(

Anyway...any ideas on how to get my body back into control?! YIKES!

Smurf Blue

2011-06-09T14:22:00.000-05:00

Our house is now painted "smurf blue."Ha! ;) We got the majority of the house painted this weekend. We still have all the little detail/touch up work to do. The paint was a little brighter than we thought it would be, but it's MUCH better than the nasty grey the house was before. Let me tell you, painting a house is A LOT of work. Our next house better have maintence-free siding!

We went to a couple garage sales last Saturday. I bought a wood rocking chair. It was only $15 and in really good condition. I told Tom that I needed it to rock our baby to sleep...and he agreed...even though I'm NOT pregnant yet. So the chair is sitting in our guest room for now.

Not much else is new. I need to get back into working out because I have really slacked since the wedding. And recently I've been letting TTC get in the way. I tell myself "why bother when I could be pregnant anyway?" OBVIOUSLY that is not the right way to think because what if it takes us awhile? I can't skip working out for months and months. Plus I know pregnancy will be easier on my body if I'm in shape BEFORE. blah blah blah. I just don't like working out and I need to suck it up and stop with the excuses. :(

Jessica Graduated!

2011-06-03T12:21:00.001-05:00

My youngest sister graduated last weekend. I'm really happy that she made it. There were times when we all thought she wouldn't make it so I'm proud that she got her diploma. My mom officially has all of her children grown up now. (although not all have left the "nest") Below are some pics from last Saturday.

My brother, sister, & me

Jessica & Rex

The husband & Jessica

Jessica & Miss Emma

This weekend my brother is coming down and we are going to paint the house & the garage. The paint on our house is so old & faded, it's about time for a paint job! The house is a blue/grey right now because it's so faded. We picked a new blue and it looks so bright--but I'm hoping that's just because I'm so used to faded paint. Either way, we have 10 gallons of the bright blue that we need to use so I hope my neighbors are ready for a bright, cheery house! Ha! ;)

Robbery

2011-05-31T12:01:00.000-05:00

Tom's dad was robbed this morning. He lives in a very small, safe town. I don't understand what is wrong with people. I guess the kid kicked in the door when his dad answered it. He threw him on the ground, punched him, and stole his wallet. Then he went and stole a few other things like some guns. I don't know the whole story but I guess the kid (high school aged) left a backpack there. Hopefully there is some sort of I.D in there so they can catch him. It makes me nervous because it goes to show you, you are never really 100% safe in your own home!

In baby news, I got a stark white BFN today and a huge temp drop. I think AF is on her way tomorrow. I know getting pregnant on the first try is rare, so I'm ok with it. I'm just really happy that I had a pretty regular cycle right away and it looks like I ovulated, so that's promising! Now I wish AF would just show up so we can get the show on the road to cycle #2!

First 2WW

2011-05-24T10:49:00.000-05:00

So if you are up to speed on the TTC lingo, I'm in my first "two week wait." I've been charting and fertility friend thinks I'm about 4DPO right now. I'm kinda shocked that I ovulated on day 11 or 12 of my cycle. Our timing wasn't perfect because I wasn't expecting to Ovulate so soon--but we do have a chance! I am spending so much time online looking at other people's charts & tests. I'm such a nerd and I think it's amazing what a little temperature can tell you! So far, my cycle is pretty normal. (knocks on wood.) This is my first one off birth control, so we'll see how they are from here on out. I'm already so excited to test but I have a ways to go until I can! :( Bummer.

When I was at Target last night I picked up a little something... A onesie that I'm going to give Tom when I'm pregnant. :) I know it might take us awhile to get pregnant, and I'm ok with that. But I figured I better have this on hand because once I get a positive test I won't wait until I go to the store to tell him, I'll be too excited!!

I can't figure out how to turn the picture around since I took it with my cell. Anyway, it says "I love my daddy." Even though it's upside down! haha!

In God's Hands

2011-05-09T13:51:00.004-05:00

I was the one who kept asking Tom when he was going to propose. I was ready. I knew we were going to be together, it had been 3 years, etc etc. Once he did propose I was the one who got cold feet. I spent countless nights wondering if I was doing the right thing in getting married. I'm not good with huge life changing decisions. Even on my wedding day (!) I didn't know if I was doing the right thing.

Good thing that passed and I am 100% comfortable and I'm so glad I went through with it and I married him. But it seems the same thing is happening with the baby situation. We always talked about "when we have kids..." and it was always me who brought it up. I wanted to stop birth control right after the wedding...that is until it was actually time and I decided I needed a few more months and refilled my prescription. ha!

I've noticed Tom talking about babies/kids a lot recently. A LOT. He brings it up multiple times a day. He's now more excited than I am. Don't get me wrong, this is GREAT. Not all guys are so excited to be a dad. But it made me feel bad because I'm still not sure if I want to be a mom. And aren't women supposed to have a "baby gene" that makes them love all babies and just KNOW that they want one? I don't have one I guess...

So anyway on my birthday after a few drinks we started talking about the baby thing again. I only had a week of pills left and I was starting to freak out and I wanted to refill them for another 3 months. Tom told me that we just need to go for it. He told me we will never be ready. Then he asked why I don't think I'm ready. I told him I don't know how to be a mom. I don't like most kids. I don't have a mommy gene. I don't think I will make a good mom. I don't want a crummy kid. (hello serial killers were babies at one time, too!--am I the only crazy one who worries about having a serial killer child?!?!)I don't have a very good family. Neither does Tom. We don't really know what a good, loving family should be. We had bad childhoods. We both have some siblings we don't get along with. I'm just worried we won't have a happy family. And we ARE a happy family now, just the two of us. There is no guarantee what will happen once we have a baby.

I got to "practice" being married before I was married. I got to date lots of men to find the one I liked the best. Tom & I even lived together before we were married. I got a practice run to make sure everything went smoothly. I found out I could handle it. With a baby, there is NO going back. I don't get a practice run. There is no backing out. This is for LIFE. This will sound bad, but nothing else is as permanent as a baby. Not even marriage. If I don't like being a mother, or I'm a bad mother, well...that's too bad.

These are all the worst situations possible, obviously. I know once I have my own baby I will love it and I something will click and I will know how to be a mom. logically, I know this. But I'm scared. This is a HUGE step. Much bigger than buying a house and getting married.

Thankfully Tom told me that I can't let our past hold us back. We both want a couple children and we are as ready as we ever will be. He told me to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and look at all the good that can come of it. And the thing that really stuck with me is when he said, "I want you to throw away your pills and I want to start trying now. I really want a little kid to call me dad. I can't wait!"

ohmygoshpullatmyheartstrings! so sweet! I realized I'm being silly. Yes I'm scared. But I need to jump in and just do it. And really, how can I say no after he says something so sweet? (Don't tell him I just told the entire world his little confession! ha!)

So I did just that. I threw away the pills. I didn't refill them. We are officially trying for a little baby G. It's in God's hands now. If we will make good parents, we will get pregnant. If I can handle it, it will happen.

26 candles!

2011-05-06T11:10:00.002-05:00

It was my birthday on Wednesday. I'm now 26. I say I'm still in my mid-twenties but Tom says I'm now in my late twenties. I think I'm right and that's what I chose to believe! ha! ;)

When I woke up Tom gave me some pretty orange roses and a cute card. He also gave me a gift certificate for a local greenhouse. I was so excited! I've been wanting to fix up the front of our house ever since we moved in. But plants are so expensive! So I got lots of plants and flowers. Our house is going to be so pretty this year!! I got 4 hosta plants, two ferns, 3 hanging baskets, lots and LOTS of flowers, and a bunch of veggie plants (strawberries, tomato, pepper, corn, etc.)

We also went out to lunch. It is so nice to enjoy a lunch in the middle of the day on a Wednesday! (We even had a margarita! I felt like a rebel!) We also went out to dinner that night at Ichiban. It's a hibachi restaurant with the BEST food. I had the most delicious filet mignon & shrimp! It was so good! (Tom & I also had a long talk about the baby issue at dinner. But I'll get into that in a different post tomorrow!)

Tom & I both took Thursday off from work too. We got up and went out for coffee and hit up some garage sales. We both love garage sales. I know we probably spend a lot of money in gas, but it's so fun hunting for treasures! You never know what you will find. I didn't get anything but Tom found a lot of tools. Then we went out for lunch again and got some Mexican food & some more margaritas. It was Cinco De Mayo, we had to! ;) Then we spent the rest of the night being lazy at home.

It was a great birthday and it was so fun to take a couple days off work to spend with Tom with nothing to do. We were able to relax and do whatever we wanted with the day, we didn't have to rush anywhere!

It is FINALLY sunny & warm here. (It's supposed to rain the next 7 days though...Boo!) So we are thinking about having some friends over & having a fire tonight. We will spend the rest of the weekend working on the house. (And I will be eating lots of veggies & water to give my body a break from the past 2 days, haha!)

Cupcake!

2011-05-03T15:54:00.000-05:00

I got a big red velvet cupcake on my desk this morning. The post-it said it was from the "birthday fairy." I plan on eating this cupcake as my dinner. And I plan on washing it down with a glass (or two) of wine. Yes, this really will be my dinner. It's my birthday tomorrow and I plan on starting the celebrating tonight! I love birthdays and even though I'm not that young anymore (not that old either, I know!) I'm glad I still enjoy them and I'm not depressed about getting older (YET)

Both Tom & I took tomorrow off work (Thursday too!) We don't have anything planned except we are going out to dinner tomorrow night. I guess we will have to see how the weather is and where the day takes us!

P.S. I'm not sure I want a baby right now. The closer and closer I get to getting pregnant I start to freak out more and more. I talked to Tom about it last night but he is just so darn excited about having a baby he is hard to talk to. I'm a natural pessimist and I'm worried I won't be a good mom and I'm worried about the toll a baby will take on my marriage while he is so happy-go-lucky, always looking on the bright side. I guess that's why opposites attract and we're a good match?

Spring?

2011-05-01T15:40:00.000-05:00

It's May 1st. And it's 31 degrees out right now. It's supposed to snow tonight. It's so cold & depressing outside that I have spent (literally) ALL DAY with my butt on the couch watching the DIY network. I've been watching all these happy people work on their houses and build gardens, patios, etc etc etc. And I just sit on the couch because I refuse to put on my winter jacket in May.

WHERE IS SPRING? We already had our garden & some plants outside by this time last year. :(

Funk

2011-04-28T15:29:00.000-05:00

I really hate this funk I've been in lately. I just have no energy for anything! I am tired 24/7. And I mean REALLY tired. I was shopping with Tom last weekend and I was just too tired to continue--what?! I had myself convinced I was pregnant (since I've heard extreme fatigue is an early sign. ) But I'm not. I have no idea what my deal is. I have to force myself to keep up on the housework & my workouts. Sometimes nothing works and I go to bed the minute I get home and just lay there and watch tv all night. I had some blood work drawn at my physical in Jan and everything was normal. Plus I take a prenatal vitamin every night and it has extra iron. I'm out of ideas. But I want to feel more like myself soon! I'm really hoping some sun & warm weather will help make me feel better. We're STILL getting snow. :( I just want some sun! (Oh, I take a vitD supplement too since we have no sun here it seems...)

Anyway, I guess there is no point to this post. Other than I have ideas for what to write but I'm too lazy to actually write them! Sigh...

Monday Random

2011-04-18T15:33:00.001-05:00

It SNOWED here this weekend. And we are supposed to get up to 6 inches tonight. WTF Mother Nature. Not cool! I really need warmer weather. Tom and I are really considering a move to someplace warmer in a few years. I hate that we only have three warm months a year. It's so depressing!

We have been working on the house recently. We're hoping to get the kitchen done soon. We also put up a new garage door and we need to put up four new doors on the house too. The entire house needs to be painted, the screen porch needs all new screen and we need to gut and remodel the entire bathroom. And all of this needs to be done this summer. I'm going to be busy. Yikes!

Tom starts his new job today! I really hope he likes it! He works so hard and I want him to get the pay & respect he deserves. (Plus we need the extra income from this job in order for me to stay at home when we have a baby.) I think I was more nervous for him than he was this morning! I can't wait to hear how his first day went!

A decision was made...

2011-04-11T11:18:00.000-05:00

We made a baby decision this weekend. I feel really calm now. I think before I felt anxious because of the "unknown." Well Tom and I were talking on Friday night. I told him that I really want to go off the pill when my next pack runs out. I told him I want to see of my body goes back to "normal" and if I have regular cycles. I said that means the birth control would be up to him at that point.

Instead he said we should just go for it and "whatever happens, happens." So I guess around Memorial Weekend we will be sort of TTC! Nobody in real life knows, and I want to keep it a secret. I don't want people asking me if I'm pregnant yet 24/7 in case it takes awhile.

This is happening sooner than we thought it would. But I feel excited and ready. We'll take it day-by-day and hopefully my body doesn't take too long to get back on a regular cycle.

New job = baby?

2011-04-04T15:46:00.000-05:00

My husband has been looking for a new job ever since we came back from Jamaica. He got really serious about it after his job wanted to send him to California for 4+ months. Last week he got an offer & accepted. It is a little more pay, but has a lot of room to grow. (Plus it's a local company, there shouldn't be any extended trips to other states.) Our plan is to keep building up our savings, finish the kitchen remodel, and gut the entire bathroom as well. And we plan to have all of this finished by September. We're nuts.

We also plan on (maybe) trying for a baby this summer. We wanted Tom to get a new job first (and finish the kitchen/bathroom) before we started trying. Now that he has this new job it's becoming more real....

...Except somedays I DON'T want a baby right now. I think of all the things we can do in the next couple years that we couldn't do if we had a baby. We're not rich, but we're comfortable. That will all change with a baby. I like sleeping in and going to the store without 72 diapers and a diaper bag the size of a suitcase. Our life is pretty stress-free right now, and I like that.

And of course on the flip side every time I see a newborn my body physically aches and I want a baby RIGHT NOW. I want to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. I tell myself there will never be a perfect time for a baby. Tom will make an amazing dad and I can't wait to be a little family.

My emotions are driving me crazy! I'm currently in the "I want a baby" camp. But just last week I wanted to wait another couple years! I keep flip flopping what I want. I think the main thing is the unknown. I don't know how easy it will be to get pregnant, or if I will have a complicated pregnancy. What if a baby is really hard on our marriage and we end up resenting each other. What if I'm not cut out to be a mom, etc. None of my close friends had a planned pregnancy. They didn't have to deal with this struggle because the decision making was out of their hands. In some ways I wish we would have a surprise pregnancy so I know it's "meant to be" and it will stop my internal tug-of-war. Sigh.

One Love--TTD

2011-04-01T11:49:00.000-05:00

Warning: This is a picture heavy post.

The day after the wedding we got up and met our photographer at 8am. The beach was empty because it was so early, thankfully. I knew I wanted a TTD (trash-the-dress) session ever since we picked a destination wedding. I am SO glad we did one! It was a lot of fun and we got some great pictures! And it didn't ruin my dress at all. I rinsed it off and it looked cleaner that it did before I went in the ocean! ;) I suggest everyone does a TTD or something similar.

(First 2 pictures are from the actual wedding day, then the rest are from the TTD)

One Love--Party

2011-03-23T13:49:00.002-05:00

After dinner we headed down to the party. The resort had a band & some dancing for New Years Eve. This is the part of the day that really went downhill & I'm really sad about. Not a lot of our guests stuck around. And the few that did didn't really dance a lot. It's also where all the emotion & stress of the day caught up to me and I got to my breaking point with Tom's family. I'm not going to get into that again, and in fact, I've started pushing these memories out of my mind because thinking about it makes me mad/sad. This is also where it hit me that it was already over. This was the end of my wedding. The day I thought about my entire life and the day I took an entire year to plan...it was all over just like that.

I think one of the funniest things that happened was Tom pretended he was going to throw me in the pool and some random resort guest freaked out and told him to stop it because he couldn't ruin my dress. (If only she knew I was going to be doing just that the following morning!) But I was hot so I decided to at least put my legs in the water. It felt soooo good.

Up Next: Trash the dress!

One Love--Dinner

2011-03-16T09:25:00.001-05:00

After we took our pictures it was time for dinner. The resort seated us & gave us a sweetheart table. I actually didn't like this. We weren't seated with any of our guests and it was hard to be in the conversation with them. We were right next to them, but it was still weird. I would have preferred a big table with everyone together. I have the rest of my life to have a private dinner with my husband. That day, I wanted to be in on the action with everyone else!

When we first sat down I knocked over my wine glass and broke it. Oops. I guess we had some negative energy or bad luck around us. (Although, I already know what the negative energy was *cough*in-laws*cough*) The dinner also went pretty fast.

Then is was time for the (tiny) cake. We didn't really have a plan on how to cut it, we just dug in! And when we went to feed each other a piece the server stopped us and told us we had to do it the "Jamaican" way. Instead of feeding it to each other with our hands, Tom had to stick a piece of it into his mouth and I had to eat it that way, a la Lady & the Tramp spaghetti style. Ha!

After we cut our little piece they took the cake back to serve it. Except they didn't bring Tom & I a piece! They served everyone else except us. I loooove my sweets so I was a little sad I didn't get any. But my sister wasn't feeling well and left at this point so I stole her piece. We had a little toast and we sat around for a little bit and then it was time to leave. We had some guests from a different resort that needed to catch their taxi & everyone else wanted to change out of their fancy clothes.

Up Next: The party!

One Love--Family Photos

2011-03-11T14:05:00.002-06:00

I'll keep this one short. I'm sure our family photos aren't that interesting, ha! ;)

Right after the ceremony we jumped into taking pictures. Time was a little rushed because we had dinner reservations at 6pm. The wedding planner made it for us and didn't ask what time we wanted. I wish it was a little later because I don't feel like we had a lot of time between the ceremony and dinner. It was also hard to get everyone to stick around. I remember some people leaving and going to get food or a drink when we were trying to take pictures. But one of my favorite pictures of the day is the one of me and my grandma. And I had no pictures of Tom with his parents so I'm glad we finally have some!

Up Next: Dinner time!

One Love--Ceremony

2011-03-04T20:12:00.002-06:00

As the music played my little brother walked me down the aisle. (I've never met my dad & I only have one brother so I knew right away he would be the one to walk me down the aisle.) I remember talking to my brother saying, "I'm so nervous! But I guess I should smile so I look happy? Right?!" I don't remember a lot during this time. Once I got close enough to see Tom I kept my eyes locked on him the rest of the time.

Our ceremony was really short. We had readings and our own vows picked out but somehow they didn't make it to the minister. Oh well. At the end of it, we were still married and that's what counts! We had the standard, traditional vows. The minister gave a nice speech about keeping a marriage strong, and staying faithful. And to tell you the truth I don't remember a lot else! I remember staring into Tom's eyes and looking at the ocean behind him trying to tell myself to soak it all in. It was surreal. (It was also VERY windy as you can see in the pictures!!)

Before I knew it we were MARRIED! Our first kiss as husband and wife!

And just like that (literally, the whole ceremony was only 15mins, tops!) we were married. A lot of past brides told me what a blur their ceremonies were. And they weren't joking! I do remember being glad it was a short ceremony though, since I got so nervous all of a sudden. While I don't remember much of what the minister said, I do remember looking into Tom's eyes & the beautiful ocean behind us while we said our vows. I'm glad that stuck with me. :)

Up next, family picture time!

One Love--Getting Ready

2011-02-23T18:10:00.004-06:00

The first thing I did when I woke up on my wedding day was run to the window to see if it was raining. It had rained & was cold the entire 3 days prior. I didn't come to Jamaica to get married in the cold rain. I came to get married in the SUN! Thankfully, it was nice and sunny!

I spent the first half of the day on the beach with everyone. Just trying to relax and soak everything in. Before I knew it it was time to get a shower and go to my hair appointment. At this point, it was noon and I didn't eat anything yet. (Just not hungry! Too many nerves!) I made my sister go get me a glass of wine & some cucumbers. This ended up being all I ate until dinner that night! Ha!

My sister, my mom, & I went to the salon and got our hair done. This is where I got REALLY nervous. I'm not going to lie, I was wondering if I was doing the right thing in getting married. I was FREAKING out. The time there flew by and before I knew it the time was already after 3:30 and I was supposed to get married at 4! We quickly ran to my room.

I was running around like a crazy person! I was running so late! My photographer kept telling me to calm down because they "won't start the wedding without you!" I didn't get a lot of the pretty shots of my dress because I threw it on the bed and starting getting dressed right away. I didn't even have time to steam it! (It had been in a garment bag for 5 days ever since we left MN!) But alas, it looked perfect! Not wrinkled at all! Not bad for being smashed into an overhead bin on the plane! ;)

Once I was dressed we ran down to the beach, all I could think about was how late I was! Once I saw my grandma, I burst into tears. She told me how beautiful I was and everything hit me like a ton of bricks---I was getting MARRIED RIGHT NOW. They all took their seats and it was just me and my brother waiting on my song to start (At Last by: Ella Fitzgerald) One that song started everything became a blur...

Up next, the ceremony!

First Married V-Day

2011-02-18T13:55:00.001-06:00

I know, I'm such a slacker for not having any Jamaica/wedding posts done yet. Soon, I promise! But first I wanted to blog about our first Valentine's day as husband & wife. (So years & years down the road I can come back and remember it!) I will admit I am a sucker and LOVE Valentine's day. I don't think it is a "fake" holiday. I really enjoy it. :)

The day went pretty well. As you can see from above, I got a dozen red roses and a dozen chocolate covered strawberries at work. Then for dinner Tom made us lobster tails, red potatoes, and green beans. It was very good. Then we spent the rest of the night watching tv together. It was a perfect evening. I have no idea what our future Valentine's days will look like, but this first one was very special and one I will treasure forever. It's a lot of fun being a newlywed! Haha.

Cali Update

2011-02-11T13:58:00.000-06:00

My husband isn't in California right now. At the last minute, they put the project "on hold" which means everything is up in the air right now and we don't really know what is going to happen. They found out it is going to be a minimum of 3-4 months though. And I think if they ask him to go again he will have to say no. 4 months away from home is too much. It's not his dream job so it's not like he wants to stay there forever anyway. He's gotten a couple interviews recently so we're holding out hope something will happen with one of these other jobs.

I also got my disk of our professional wedding pictures last night. Time to do some wedding posts! Yay! :)

Long-Distance Marriage

2011-02-03T13:46:00.000-06:00

My husband & I have been married for 1 month, 3 days as of today. And today his boss asked him to go to California for 1-2 months (possibly longer.) Oh yeah, and they want him to leave early next week.

I really don't want him to go. Obviously I know military wives have it a million times worse and I'm sorry for that. But when it comes down to it, nobody wants to be away from their spouse for a long period of time. After only a month of marriage we might suddenly become a long-distance couple. It sucks.

Not only will it suck having my husband gone for 2 months but I will take on the responsibility of the house all by myself. And living in MN, we have gotten a TON of snow this year...and we have a big driveway. Which means I would have to shovel every time it snows. (our snow blower broke last week. Go figure.) And if anything goes wrong in the house, it's up to me to fix it. Can I just say that if I was single I would be renting! I don't like the maintenance that goes along with a house. It's kinda pathetic but Tom handles all of that for me.

I don't want to be apart for that long... :( Tom will know more tomorrow. Hopefully they find a way around him having to go for that long!

1 month!

2011-01-31T12:11:00.000-06:00

1 month ago today I was in Jamaica getting married! Our 1st month as a married couple was great. Hopefully we have many, many more!

Being married feels different

2011-01-25T15:20:00.001-06:00

I know I haven't been married very long (3 weeks & 4 days, but who's counting...) but being married does feel different. I wasn't sure if it would since we've been dating for 4.5 years, living together for 3.5 years. We own our own house and were living like a married couple.

But I'm happy to say I have noticed a change, and Tom has noticed it too. I'm sure part of it is simply the "newlywed" phase we're in but I feel much closer to him. It sounds cheesy but I feel more secure & safe in our relationship. We have both noticed we have been nicer to each other and have been going out of our way to make the other person feel loved & appreciated.

I know for me, it's partly because this man is now my husband, and he comes #1 in my life. And I know I haven't been letting the little things annoy me as much because it's "forever" now. And I'd rather let the little things roll off my back instead of letting them annoy me for the rest of my life.

Either way, things are great between us. Being married is a wonderful feeling. :)

The black cloud over my wedding

2011-01-24T11:38:00.000-06:00

Before I get to the good stuff about Jamaica I'm going to vent a little bit and get all the bad stuff over with now. That way it won't have to cloud all of my Jamaica & wedding posts.

The in-laws. Oh how I loath them. It wasn't enough that they were horrible to us during our engagement, they had to be horrible at the wedding as well.

First off, they literally sat at the bar from when it opened (10am) until it closed (2am) They were SO DRUNK all the time! They were also pushing alcohol on my husband 24/7. And when he turned a drink down for whatever reason, they harassed him about it. They were rude to me and my family as well.

We went to Margaritaville for our rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. None of his family went because they didn't "feel like going." And because they would rather stay at the resort and drink. Nice.

On the wedding day Tom got ready in my mom's room with my brother & my uncle. His family was at the bar. I mean, seriously?! I'm so glad my brother & uncle were at least there for him. I can't imagine getting ready for your wedding alone. So at least he had someone there with him. But it should have been his own dad & brother.

His brother was telling everyone he could find--even other guests & my own mom--that he "couldn't believe Tom was getting married. " And how "stupid" it was to "sign away half of everything so easily."

There was also a balloon drop at midnight after the wedding. Tom's brother was so drunk he pushed me and threw balloons right at my face at midnight. Not quite the way I planned on ringing in 2011. I was so mad and upset by that point I started crying and went to my room. Dude, it's my WEDDING DAY! I'm not a 14 year old boy. Do NOT push me and throw balloons in my face!

After the wedding Tom's dad was at the bar (and didn't see my sister right behind him) and when another guest was making small talk with him, asking why they are in Jamaica, his dad replied, "My son got married. Which is a bad thing, but at least I really like Jamaica!"

And lastly, Tom's other brother (who didn't come to the wedding because his evil wife wouldn't let him go.) never called, e-mailed, texted, facebooked---NOTHING. No "good luck" or "congrats." He never called when we got back home to see how the trip was, nothing. So basically he doesn't give a damn about Tom. I know I shouldn't have expected anything but geez! You don't even go to your brother's wedding and you can't even send a flipping card and call to say congrats?! I'm speechless.

They are worthless, horrible people. I want nothing to do with them. I'm worried how this drama is going to affect my marriage...

I'm back--and MARRIED!

2011-01-19T14:54:00.000-06:00

I'm back from Jamaica, with a brand new husband! For the most part everything went very well! I'm really enjoying being married! :)

I'll do re-cap posts soon. I don't have my pro-pics from the wedding yet so I'll have to wait on the wedding post...but I have plenty of other pictures from Jamaica to share! I hope everyone is doing well!

Merry Christmas, 2010!

2010-12-24T18:09:00.002-06:00

4 weeks!

2010-12-03T13:31:00.001-06:00

Only 4 weeks until I am a married woman! Every weekend until we leave is jam packed with errands. I even had to make a little list of things we need to do and what days to do them! This weekend is a little slower. All we have to do is re-arrange our living room to fit in our new furniture, clean the house, do laundry, have a lunch date with friends, and we have bowling. And that's just Saturday! On Sunday we will be busy with a holiday party for Tom's work "team" all afternoon! It's usually a good time. There will be wine, food, and a gingerbread house contest! Oh, and somewhere in there I do to send out my Christmas cards, too! Time is seriously FLYING BY!

Last day of November

2010-11-30T15:10:00.001-06:00

Today is November 30th. Tomorrow officially marks the first day of DECEMBER--my wedding month! How crazy is that?! I can't believe how fast this year has gone! And the closer it gets, the faster time goes! I only have 3.5 weeks of work left until my vacation starts! Woot!

I'm starting to get the vacation bug. Where it's getting harder and harder to focus at work...and I have a million little things to do before we leave and I'm trying to cram it all into the few weekends we have left. Plus Christmas is coming! December is going to be CRAZY!

We aren't going home for Christmas this year since we leave 3 days later and then will be spending an entire week with our families...but we did go home for Thanksgiving. That was horrible... It started out fine. We had dinner at my mom's and then we all went to bed at 10pm and were all up by 2am to have some coffee and head into walmart for some Black Friday shopping!! There were 5 of us total and thankfully we had a 24hr walmart so we got to wait inside because it was 5 degrees outside!! Anyway, we got a few t.v's and my brother & sister got a camera for the trip. It was actually really fun and not nearly as bad as people make it out to be! It's so exciting getting a good deal! We saved over 1,000! That's worth a couple hours in line, for sure!

We also bought new living room furniture at HOM. We needed it anyway, we were just waiting for their sale. :)

But on Friday we had dinner at Tom's mom's house and his brother was drinking and ended up saying some really stupid, mean, and incredibly rude things. His mom even told him he was being an ass to me and he flipped out and literally yelled at her. I was so fed-up with his family being mean about this wedding that I started crying, packed my stuff, and left. I have had enough. He had NO RIGHT to talk to me like that and when everyone told him that much, he got mad at them too! I hate Tom's family so much. I didn't know it was possible to have such EVIL people be considered FAMILY. And how did Tom turn out so good?!?!?!?!?

Anyway, I'm putting that behind me. I left because I'm not going to let him/his family bring me down right now. I have only a month left until my wedding and I am going to enjoy it!!

Murphy's law

2010-11-17T15:48:00.000-06:00

So Saturday didn't go as planned. We woke up to our first snow of the season. And it snowed A LOT. About 8 inches. And my dress fitting got cancelled. That's the whole reason I drive 4 hours round trip to get my sister, so she could be there! Ugh!

And then almost everyone cancelled for our wedding shower because of the weather. Out of the 30 people invited, only 8 showed up. And this includes my mom, sister, grandma, and uncle. So, pretty much just family. I was really bummed. I know the weather wasn't any one's fault but my shower was a giant fail. My mom & grandma spent a bunch of time and money for this party just to have nobody show up. :( But I did get a couple nice gifts from my family and the cake was delicious! (and I smashed some in Tom's face! hehe. We both agreed not to do it at our wedding so I had to do it now!) Pictures from the day below...

Good News!

2010-11-11T09:33:00.001-06:00

I am in a great mood today!!

1. Our marriage application & notarized documents made it to Jamaica and they are in the hand of our wedding coordinator! It only took almost a month longer than it should have! But at least they are there and we don't have to deal with re-sending them. We are one step closer to legally getting married in Jamaica! Woot!

2. I'm off work tomorrow. I'm picking up my little sister after school and she is staying the night with me.

3. I have my final dress fitting on Saturday morning! I can't wait to see it now that it fits perfectly!

4. We have our wedding shower on Saturday afternoon!

I have a great weekend ahead of me! :)

Sad

2010-11-09T11:15:00.001-06:00

I feel really bad for Tom. We found out that his dad had his 3rd stroke over the weekend. It wasn't a bad one. They let him out the same day. His doctors say everything is fine. But he's 95% sure he's NOT coming to Jamaica for the wedding now.

Out of the 17 guests, only 2 are from Tom's family. I feel so bad for him that his family is like that. Obviously I'm not upset with his dad for not going. He has a medical reason. But I'm still not over the whole fiasco with his brother and his b*tch of a wife.

My family is throwing Tom & I a little "couples shower" for us this Saturday. So far, no one from Tom's family is coming. I'm hurt. Tom says they just aren't a "close" family. But my gosh! This is a huge, important event in his life and they don't give a crap! I really hope that once we have kids we are able to make our family totally different. I can't imagine missing my child's wedding shower, or their entire wedding for that matter!

I'm really bummed. :(

Under 2 months!

2010-11-02T11:02:00.001-05:00

We are now under the 2 month mark! I can't believe how fast time is flying by!

Last Friday I had my first dress fitting. I was so nervous! But I got there and the lady was very nice and thankfully my dress still fit! WooHoo! She needs to take the dress in, but sadly it's in the bust area! I'm also adding push-up cups to help give me a little *extra* up top. I go back in two weeks for the (hopefully) final fitting. I'm going to bring my sister with so she can practice the corset and bustle. And then I'll try the finished dress on with all my accessories to make my final decisions for everything. I'm really excited to see the finished product now that it will be the right length and everything.

After my next dress fitting is my little family shower. Both Tom and I have teeny tiny families so it won't be very big. It's also a "couples shower." Then the week after that the ladies I work with are throwing me a shower too. Then it's Thanksgiving and then it's DECEMBER which equals WEDDING MONTH. :)

Our weekend

2010-10-19T10:36:00.002-05:00

Our weekend started off on a bad note. Friday night Tom called his brother because we needed some info from his passport for our travel agent. I told Tom to remind his brother that he NEEDS to buy some dress clothes. His brother was refusing to buy dress clothes even though the resort has a mandatory dress code! If he didn't dress up he wouldn't be allowed into the restaurant for our wedding dinner/reception! So anyway, Tom told him that he really needs to suck it up and buy some clothes. His brother finally agreed and stopped being an ass about it.

BUT...

He also said that he will only have $500 and not the $700 he still owes. Tom said no problem and I flipped out. I can't believe he is taking MORE money from us. Back when we first got engaged we told his brother that we would give him $500 to help cover the flight cost. That left him with $1,000 he had to pay. But then when it came time for the downpayment, he magically didn't have the money (He had it. His dad just gave each kid $5,000 for Christmas!!!) So we had to pay his $400 downpayment as well. Then we had to pay his $130 for the charter fishing trip we are taking down there. And now he wants ANOTHER $200?!?! I just don't get it. It's NOT FAIR! We told him we would give him $500 and now we have paid $1200! WTF is that?! And of course Tom won't stand up to him because he really wants his brother there. I am livid with his brother. It's not like we have the money either. That money we have to give him is coming out of our trip fund! To Tom it's "just another $200" but I'm looking at the big picture where that brings our total up to $1200 when we agreed on $500. I can tell you one thing, that deadbeat won't be getting any nice presents from me for the rest of his life. And of course he won't pay us back either. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Tom's family. Seriously, the ONLY one in that family that is a decent human being is his mother. At least I will have a great mother-in-law. All the rest of them I would be happy never having to see them for the rest of my life.

Moving on... On Saturday we went to Target and registered for some things. The ladies I work with are throwing me a shower in November and they kept bugging me to register. It was actually harder than I thought it would be! We only have 22 things on there. If we were having a traditional wedding with 150 people there would be no way we could find enough stuff to register for!

I had off from work yesterday so I did some cleaning around the house and raked some leaves. It felt good to get the house clean because it has been a mess for awhile now. Then we went to city hall and the post office and sent off our documents to Jamaica to apply for our marriage license! Hopefully it will get there early next week and everything can get approved and ready to go! We're getting so close!

Dress Fitting

2010-10-15T13:40:00.000-05:00

I just scheduled my first dress fitting. It's exactly 2 weeks from today. Which means I can't eat anything but carrots and green beans for the next two weeks. Ha ha! I don't know why but I am SO nervous to do my dress fittings. It seriously gives me a panic attack just thinking about it! I finally called and scheduled it today because I'm really starting to run out of time! And of course I'm a stress eater and that is the total opposite of what I need right now. And to top it off, one of my friends made me a mini "better-than-sex" cake. So I have that delicious thing sitting at home tempting me. UGH.

I also heard back and we can't have a private dinner reception that night because it's a holiday. However, they aren't going to make us eat at the crummy buffet (which I was REALLY worried about.) and they will make a reservation for us at their Italian restaurant. It's the nicer one and they have a dress code. I can handle that. I just couldn't imagine having to walk around the buffet with my wedding dress! Ew!

Packing list

2010-10-07T15:44:00.000-05:00

FYI: may be TMI

There are several things I need to make sure are on my packing list for Jamaica. There is the obvious, wedding dress, sunscreen, swim suits, etc. But as I learned today I need to make sure I bring some UTI meds. UGH!

I get UTI infections A LOT. They are also very severe. It is so annoying and painful! I do everything they say to do to try and avoid them (which has helped some) but I always get a handful of them every year without fail. I wish there was something I could do to fix the problem, but I can't. My doctor said I am just prone to them. Some women are and some aren't.

So after being in extreme pain all day I had to leave work early and go home. And it reminded me to make sure 1,000% I bring those meds with because if this happened there it would ruin the entire trip until I felt better. I pee literally every 5-10 minutes. Can you imagine me at the altar trying to get hitched but needing a pee break every 5-10 minutes?! nice.

Randoms

2010-10-05T20:55:00.000-05:00

I have a couple random things to blog about tonight...

1. My brother texted me and apologized for telling me to go f*ck myself. I thanked him for the apology and left it at that. I still don't know if he's coming to my wedding, but it's too raw to talk to him yet.

2. All this stress had brought on the stress binge eating for me. I knew what was happening and why but I couldn't stop it for 3 days. I gained about 1-2 pounds from it. (literally, I consumed an extra 4,000 calories over my daily limit over those three days.) I'm really scared that I will have to deal with this forever. However, good news is I stopped it after three days. I was back on track today and got in a workout. It was a minor set back but gaining one pound won't kill me. I'll have it gone by Friday.

3. I had a dream last night that Tom was gay. We were already married and super happy. I was heartbroken. He wanted to stay married to me though. He said he loved me and he was happily married, but he needed me to know the truth that he was gay. I was debating if I wanted to break up my marriage or not. I woke up before I found out what my decision was. Weird. (No, I do not think Tom is gay in ANY way.)

4. I ordered vintage hankies from etsy for my mom, grandma, mother-in-law, and myself. I got the pics today (see below) and I can't wait to give them to them at the wedding. I really think they will like them. :)

Bridal Meltdown

2010-09-29T12:05:00.004-05:00

I've had a few meltdowns over my wedding so far. (Mainly over the whole drama with Sis-in-law and how much of a b*tch she is.) But I had another one today.

My brother has a long history of depression/ suicide attempts. He has also been acting like a giant ass hole to everyone in my family lately. No one can stand him! He's a totally different person. He's been such an ass hole to me that I told him I would only pay for his flight if he apologized to me, His response? "Go f*ck yourself. I'm not going to your wedding. "

Lovely.

Then that night he cut himself and landed in the hospital --AGAIN. He has been putting my family through this song and dance over and over and over! He needs help but he REFUSES therapy and medication. There is nothing we can do to help him. My poor mom lives in fear about when the next phone call will come. Because it ALWAYS does. So we have to go through that again...

I'm done with him. I can't stand him. He refuses to get help, shits all over everyone and basically treats everyone like dirt. And telling me to go f*ck myself? I'm over him. I don't care if he is family. Unless he apologizes to me, I want nothing to do with him. He's ruining everyone else's lives too, not just his own. My mom can't even sleep without medication because she is so worried she will get a call about my brother. She lets him walk all over her. He's pathetic.

He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. Looks like I'll just have to go alone.

So on top of dealing with this drama--AGAIN-- My travel agent told me today that Delta cancelled our flights for the wedding. This was all it took for me to LOSE IT. I was trying not to start crying my eyes out at work. I e-mailed Tom about it and told him that I'm done with this wedding and I want to cancel it.

I'm half way serious. My engagement has NOT been happy. And it really doesn't seem worth it anymore. I can't handle all this stress and every thing going wrong. I still have 3 more months to go. Who knows how many more times my flight will get cancelled, or what else will go wrong!

Oh! I forgot! My wedding coordinator told me on Friday that we can't have a private dinner reception at the resort because it's NYE and it's not possible. So they expect me to walk around the buffet in my wedding dress on my WEDDING DAY?! Hell No. I WILL be a bridezilla.

Everything is falling apart and I don't know if I can keep it together.

Single digits--99 days!

2010-09-23T14:27:00.002-05:00

We are down to 99 days left until the wedding! We started with 365 days, an entire YEAR and somehow we've already lost 266 of those days?! holy cow! And I know the next 99 will go even faster than the rest! I'm already shocked that it will be October in a week!

I also have to get my dress in for my fittings soon. I keep putting it off. For some reason I'm "scared" to get my dress fitted because that makes it so "Real" and that scares me. Oh well, It will have to be done in about another month or so like it or not.

I also got our sand ceremony kit yesterday and I love it. (picture below.) I don't have a lot of things left to do. Almost everything is done. Which is both good and bad. I'm reeeeeally nervous to get married. It's only getting worse the closer the wedding gets. However, I only get to be engaged for so long. I only get to be a bride planning her wedding once. So I'm really trying to enjoy it before it's all over!

I don't know how to flirt

2010-09-22T13:51:00.002-05:00

Apparently flirting is a skill where "you use it or you lose it" comes into play.

I've been with Tom a little over 4 years. I have no reason to flirt with someone. (not that it happens all the time anyway. I'm usually with Tom when I go out.)

Yesterday on the shuttle after work (we have to park off campus) this guy was flirting and laying it on thick! I was so embarrassed and it was so awkward! I didn't know what to do! (he couldn't see my engagement ring. I had too much stuff in my hands.) I just kinda fumbled my words around like an idiot! Doh! It was hard knowing how to act? I didn't want to be too friendly or flirty back (I am engaged after all) but I didn't want to be cold and/or rude to the guy either. (and yes, he was tall and cute! *sigh*)

after the chit chat and the LONGEST shuttle ride ever I got off. He waved as he walked to his car and said. "Have a good night, hope to see you around."

Oh boy.

I work at a hospital, there's tons of employees. But now I have to avoid this guy when I see him. Haha!

At least I know I've still got it! ;)

Lasik & Babies

2010-09-13T16:42:00.005-05:00

Apparently these two things go hand-in-hand when it comes to my future in the next year.

I had my eye exam last week. (I am very blind. I can't see anything without my glasses/contacts and can't function AT ALL. It's bad.) So I am talking to the DR and he asks if my mom and siblings all have bad eyes and I said "yes." He told me that any future children I might have need to get their eyes checked before they start pre-school because he bets 99% they will have really bad eyes too. :( Sadness. (But it doesn't really shock me. I got glasses for the first time when I was 5 or 6, too)

Also, I got a big shock when it came to the total it will cost me to order glasses and contacts. My prescription is good for 2 years. And for ONE pair of glasses (with a cheap $60 frame!) and contacts it will cost me about $800. My prescription is so strong they need to make special lenses for me. And my contacts are also $$ because not every brand makes contacts as strong as I need them. I also have an astigmatism. Awesome.

$800 every 2 years for the REST OF MY LIFE. (not including contact solution. That sh*t adds up!)

Enter: Lasik.

Tom said I need to go ahead and get lasik done. It will probably cost around 3,000 but when you consider all they money I will spend over the nest few years, it makes sense. However, my prescription just changed and in order to get lasik they want you to have a stable prescription for at least a year. So I won't qualify until next September. (Assuming my prescription won't change much in the next year.)

However, we were planning on TTC next spring/summer. And depending on how fast it happened for us, there is a possibility I would be pregnant by September. And you can't get Lasik if you're pregnant.

So it looks like we are shooting for Lasik in Sept and TTC right after my surgery. I want to meet with a surgeon after the wedding to make sure there aren't any other issues that wouldn't allow me to have the surgery. (Such as my eyes being TOO bad and un-fixable *tear*) But as of right now Sept 2011 might be a busy month for me!

Anyone ever had Lasik? Good? Bad?

Ghosts of boyfriends past

2010-09-08T13:37:00.002-05:00

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Obviously I know it's because of my (quickly approaching!) wedding. But I keep having dreams about ex boyfriends, friends, men I'm simply attracted to, random men, whatever. And most of the time, it's pretty *steamy* if ya know what I mean ;)

I guess my "asleep brain" is nervous to get married. And I'm nervous to get married and be with ONE person for the REST.OF.MY.LIFE. And so apparently the only solution is to have steamy dreams about other men. Ha!

I've heard of people having "wedding nightmares" and as far as they go, I'd say I'm one of the more lucky ones! Haha ;)

Spinach Smoothie

2010-09-07T12:06:00.002-05:00

I'm really trying to get away from eating processed food. Both Tom and I both want to make more of our own food and eat better. We already eat at home most nights, but we can always eat better.

One of my biggest areas is with breakfast. I don't have a lot of time in the morning so I always fill my mug with coffee and grab a granola bar. It's not a horrible breakfast, but it's not the best. The granola bars are full of added sugar and fake crap. So this morning I made my first "green monster" or a smoothie with spinach in it!

Verdict? YUMMY & filling!

Here's what I included:

1 banana

1 scoop chocolate protein powder

1 cup milk

2 cups spinach

ice

It was very good. The banana masked the taste of the spinach. It didn't look very good, but it tasted fine. And it kept me super full for 4 hours! Plus, I can't beat already having 2 cups of veggies under my belt before lunch!

I'm going to try and make these every morning for breakfast. I have a bunch of different kinds of frozen fruit from Trader Joe's to try too.

Birthday Recap

2010-09-02T11:00:00.007-05:00

Tom's 29th birthday weekend was very fun, but it went by super fast!

The birthday boy!

We started off by heading about 2 hours away to a little hotel right on a lake. It was a super cute little hotel and we had a nice view of the lake! We unpacked our stuff and headed into town to pick up some drinks and to have some dinner. Then we headed out on a charter fishing trip.

Our boat

The fishing was pretty fun. Tom caught two walleyes. (One was too big to keep.) We both like fishing but it's hard to go when you live in the middle of a huge city with no access to a lake close by. We also went out fishing the next morning. It was SUPER windy! There were huge waves that were spilling over the side of the boat and it was so rocky I really thought I was going to be sick!! *note to self, bring motion sickness meds when we go fishing in Jamaica!!! *

After that we headed to a water park for the afternoon and spent the rest of it just floating down the lazy river. :)

Our last trip was a dinner cruise down a river. And by this point I was SO SICK OF WATER AND BOATS! Haha!!

Dinner cruise boat

Us :)

29!

2010-08-27T10:07:00.002-05:00

Today my fiance is 29 years old! I hope he enjoys his last birthday in his 20's, and his last as a free man! Haha

Happy Birthday, Tom!

P.S. I'm taking bets on if he'll have any hair left by his 30th birthday, ;)

The name debate

2010-08-26T13:20:00.002-05:00

2010 is like the year of weddings for me. I know tons and tons of people getting married this year. (myself included!) Some of these women struggle with the decision to change their name or not. It's a super easy decision for me.

I'm changing my name.

I have no connection to my last name at all. It's technically my ex step-dad's last name. My mom got married when I was 4 or 5? And I hated that my mom was changing her name and I would have a different name then her and my future siblings. So I went to court, stood in front of a judge, and at 5 years old, changed my name.

However, that step-dad turned into a giant tool and he's not someone I wish to share a name with. I can't wait to take my Fiance's last name. I feel like that will really make us a family. I also want our future kids and me to all have the same name.

There's one kink in this plan...I've heard of it taking up to 6 months to get your official marriage certificate from Jamaica. Which means I can't change my name or be added to his insurance for up to 6 months. And even then that doesn't mean the process will be easy. I work with a girl who got married a few weeks ago. (Here in MN) and she's even having a hard time getting her name changed and everything switched over. And she has a US marriage! Who knows the hoops I'll have to jump thru to validate my Jamaican marriage. So while we may be married on 12/31, the USA might not agree with us right away.

Divorce

2010-08-17T16:39:00.003-05:00

The divorce rate right now is high. Too high. I'm only 25 and I already have numerous divorced friends. In some cases, divorce is needed. (cheating, abuse, etc.) I also believe if two people really tried every option and are still miserable, it's better for the children to have to single, happy parents then married and miserable parents.

But sometimes I think people give up too easily and don't try hard enough to keep their marriages together. I also think gay people should have the right to get married. At least at the court house. I have nothing against the Catholic church banning gay marriage. However, church and state are separate. And I think they should be able to get married elsewhere.

Anyway, there was an article printed in the local paper today about the divorce rate. Apparently it's increasing. It's 8% higher than 2009. And one idiot posted this comment...

"Marriage is a thing of the PAST... I truly believe if we could only see marriage as a thing we did in the past we won't have so many messed up kids. I live with my girl friend and we both take breaks from one another which make the relationship stronger. She has kids and they don’t need to see how frustrating normal life gets between two people."

WTF. So instead her kids get to see mommy and her boyfriend bang other people during one of their "breaks?" How is this normal? How is this better for the kids? I think they should see that life isn't roses all the time and mom and dad do get frustrated with each other but that it takes hard work and communication to make a relationship work. "Taking a break" when life gets tough is NOT something I want to teach my future children. That comment is so wrong in so many ways.

Relaxing Weekend

2010-08-15T18:19:00.003-05:00

This weekend has been pretty nice. Yesterday we ran a bunch of errands and went out to lunch. Then we came home and watched movies and drank a pitcher of frozen margaritas. (Oops, I'm on a diet...now I remember!)

The weather has been nasty here lately. FINALLY today it went from 95 degrees and 70% humidity to a nice 73 degrees and breezy. It finally feels like Minnesota again!

I just finished my 30 minute jog and now I'm off to do the 30 day shred. (trying to make up for those margaritas last night! ;) Haha) I've worked out 5 of the last 6 days. My calories have all been right on target. (except for Saturday) I really don't have a lot of time left before my dress fitting, I need to get to my goal and stay there. I'm also thinking about running a 5k if I can find someone to do it with me.

I've also need to give my blog a facelift. A lot has changed in the 2 years I've been blogging and I'm ready for a change! So I entered a giveaway to hopefully win a gift certificate toward a blog makeover!

"Bloggy Blog Designz is having a Giveaway!!! They are giving away all kinds of goodies. Plus ALL entrants will receive 20% off any purchase through the end of the month! Be sure to check out their website for more information, or to enter yourself. "

How is it August 11th already?

2010-08-11T14:38:00.002-05:00

This summer has gone by SO FAST! After buying the house last summer and doing all the work on it, we figured this summer would be nice and relaxing. Somehow, we have managed to stay really busy and the time is flying by!

The end of this month (Aug 27th) is Tom's 29th birthday. We are going up north to stay the night at a hotel and go out on a charter fishing trip. Then we are going to a dinner cruise up a river the following night to celebrate. I can't believe that Tom will be 29. And next year will be a HUGE change for him. He'll be turning 30, be MARRIED, and we will be trying to get pregnant (or be already?). He better enjoy this birthday while he can! haha.

I don't have a ton of stuff left to do for the wedding. I have to buy a garter and the sand ceremony set. And we have to get our birth certificates notarized and all the paperwork sent off to Jamaica. And then in October I have to get my dress fittings done. Christmas will be here before we know it and then---JAMAICA!

Let's see...I haven't been up to anything else it seems. Enjoying this season of Big Brother and keeping up with my running. After I finished the C25K program I was having problems finishing the 30 minute runs. I was getting so upset! So I decided to slow the treadmill down a little bit. Instead of jogging at 5MPH (Yeah, that's even SLOW!) I went down to 4.8 and it made a HUGE difference! I am finally able to finish my runs in full now. And that's a good thing since I have my dress fittings in about 2 months...Where did this year go? I feel like I just got engaged!

The "One"

2010-08-04T13:56:00.004-05:00

They (whoever they are) say that when you meet the right one, you just know. What does this even mean? It wasn't love at first sight with Tom. It took awhile to decide if I wanted to get serious with him. And we dated 4 years before we got engaged...and I still have days where I question if we're making the right decision. I do love him, but marriage is supposed to be forever...and that's scary. We're both from divorced families. We're both still in our 20's and we already have multiple friends who were married, and divorced already. And I'm scared. I really want to get married once, and only once. So how do you make it work against all odds? How are you sure you're making the right decision? I guess it's "blind faith" because nobody ever knows 100% about it, you just make it work somehow. That terrifies me. The unknown...

Any advice? How do you "just know" that someone is the right person for you? And any tips on making a marriage work forever?

(Nothing happened to make me feel this way. I've been semi-nervous about marriage forever.)

What to do with those sexy pictures?

2010-08-02T18:51:00.004-05:00

Why, pick my favorites and make a hardcover photo book, of course! :)

(I'm not getting paid for this, I'm not getting anything for free other than the code I'm showing all of you as well.)

Right now you can get a free photo book at picaboo (just pay shipping) I'm so excited I found out about this because I'm going to make a book for Tom of my B-pics and give it to him as a wedding gift. I've never used this site before, but you can't really go wrong with free stuff!

I've seen people turn engagement pictures into a photo book and use it as a guest book for their weddings as well. Or maybe a book of baby pictures for a new mom? Lots of options!

Follow the link below!

http://www.picaboo.com/promo/free-book.html?siteID=URCqYLoo2ow-U4Py0VW8TPLfr_HP00Aj8w

B-pics are in...

2010-07-30T19:07:00.010-05:00

I got the CD of my B-pics yesterday. Overall, I am really happy with the way they turned out. I think Tom is really going to like them. (Ok, he got a sneak peek and he did like them, haha.) I'm going to make a photo book and give it to him as a wedding present. I am happy with my B-pic experience and I would do it again, for sure.

I know I looked at tons of B-pic examples when I was trying to get my nerve up enough to get these done...So I'm going to post a few. Hopefully this will be helpful to others thinking about getting them done! And P.S. I'm not a skinny girl! I'm currently a size 10 (hopefully 8 by the wedding) but I've seen girls that are size 14 and 16 (also shot by my photographer) and their pictures turned out really well. I always thought you had to be a size 4 to get B-pics done, but that's not the case, obviously.

Stay-at-home wife

2010-07-29T15:46:00.002-05:00

I recently went down to a .9 at work. I work 5 days one week, then 4 days the next. Eventually, I will be down to 4 days every week. I don't really like my job and having an extra day off will really help with my sanity. Tom is also 100% ok with me dropping a day because he can see how much happier I am. I also have time to do all the housework/errands I put off on the weekends because we have better things to be doing!

Eventually (as in once we have a baby) the plan is for me to stop working all together. (if we can swing it financially.) I don't make a lot of money, so I would basically be working just to pay for daycare. If I had a job that I enjoyed and got something out of, it would be worth it to keep working. But I don't like my job, it stresses me out, and I would much rather be at home with my children.

I have absolutely nothing against women who work and have children. I don't think there is anything wrong with that and I don't think it "damages" the children in any way. But my mom was a single mom and she had to work a lot. She missed out on so much because of this. I still remember being upset because she could never come on my field trips, or come into class to help. Or never really having dinner all together as a family. She did what she had to do...but I really wish I would have had my mom around more when I was growing up. And I don't want to miss those things in my future children's lives. I want to be there for all the plays, games, homework projects, etc. I guess I feel bad for WANTING to stay at home....And I would also need some balance because I don't want to turn into someone who never sees adults or gets a life outside of her children/home either. And what happens if I get bored or regret not working outside of the home? Ugh...decisions... At least I have another 1-2 years to think about it before I have to make a decision!

My B-pic experience

2010-07-21T14:45:00.004-05:00

Last Saturday was my boudoir session. I was super nervous the closer and closer it got. I've heard so many girls say their B-pics made them feel so confident, beautiful, and sexy. Um, not me! Other than the fact that I had my makeup and hair done really well, nothing about this experience made me feel sexy.

I will start by saying, I do not have my pictures back yet. I have no clue how they turned out. I'm hoping once I see them (assuming they turned out well) I will then feel beatiful. However, I'm only going to write about the actual taking of the pictures for now and I will review again once I get my pictures.

So when I got to the hotel I was stuck in a very crowded elevator with my two bags of lingerie and high heels. Can you say awkward?! I felt like a hooker! haha! Anyway, I made it into the hotel room and met my photographer for the first time. (she will also be our wedding photographer) She was nice and did make me feel comfortable. She was down-to-earth and had some music playing. I felt very comfortable around her.

Then it came time to change. UGH. No matter what, it is hard and very uncomfortable to wear lingerie in front of a stranger if you're not proud of your body. But I really had no choice by that point, I had to do it! It was hot in that room and I was really nervous so I was really sweating!! (not very sexy!) I spent the next hour posing in weird positions with a camera in my face. Let me tell you, it was a WORKOUT! Holding my legs up, sucking in my stomach, pushing the ta-tas out, etc. (I ended up super sore the next day--and I do workout! I'm not terribly out of shape--It was just using and flexing muscles I don't use very often!) I didn't have any time to think, "I'm so sexy, I feel amazing." Because instead I was thinking, "suck in your stomach, man it's hot in here, I hope these pics turn out ok, am I really doing this?! etc etc etc."

I was so glad when it was over and I could go home and EAT! It was 1:30pm by this point and all I had to eat that day was a cup of coffee! I made my fiance take me out to lunch and I splurged! :) (That was my favorite part of my B-pic experience so far!)

So in review, the actual picture taking part of it was stressful, and I didn't really feel "sexy." Oh, and it was HOT (as in the temperature!) but I think she got some good shots and I can't wait to see them. I have a feeling once I see the pictures THEN I will feel beautiful. But would I do B-pics again even though I didn't really enjoy getting the pictures taken? Yes. It did help with my confidence and I do think I will get some nice pictures out of it.

A gift for my groom

2010-07-15T16:28:00.003-05:00

I'm getting Boudoir pictures done on Saturday! In less than 48 hours I will have to get half naked and let a stranger take pictures of me! Yikes! I really wish I would have lost another 10 pounds by now. I really hope I don't look like a fat cow. :( I'm getting really, really nervous! Ugh...

For the women

2010-07-09T16:01:00.008-05:00

In traditional weddings, the mother's, grandmothes, and important women usually get a corsage. I think they can be really pretty. Like this orchid one.

But at our resort, the price for single corsages START at $42 and goes up from there. That's crazy expensive. So instead I'm giving the women bracelets.

My sister will get this pink one in the middle, with a "J" engraved on the charm. (It also happens to match mine, which is the white one on the end.)

And my mom, grandma, and Mother-in-law will get this cuff bracelet in a color that matches their dress.

It ended up being about half the cost to get bracelets over fresh flowers, and now they can keep them forever!

Reached my breaking point

2010-07-07T11:42:00.004-05:00

I told off SIL and it felt SO DAMN GOOD! ha!

What brought it on was last Sunday when we were visiting Tom's dad. His dad started bringing up the wedding mess, asking us why Tom's brother isn't coming to the wedding. We told him, AGAIN, that it isn't up to us. SIL is the one "forbidding" him from going. His dad kept going on and on about it! He sat down and told me that SIL was saying stuff about me behind my back when she was there and that she told Tom's dad she "didn't know" why I don't like her. She also said they weren't invited to our wedding. REALLY?! That is a flat out LIE. She has said so many awful, horrible things. Her actions have proven that she is an evil human being.

And I lost it.

(I do have to add that after she visited on Memorial weekend and caused all that drama by saying I couldn't go to the zoo and Tom had to go alone if he wanted to see his brother and niece, Tom called her a few days later. He told her he wanted to talk it out, and resolve our issues. That was a month ago. She never called him back.)

So.......I sent her a text that said, "Tom called you a month ago wanting to talk to you to hopefully resolve whatever we have going on. But you don't even have the decency to call him back? That shows you don't give a shit about making this better so Tom and joel can have a normal relationship without having to worry if you will pull something psycho like banning me from a public zoo. Then I find out you don't have the balls to talk to me, you run your mouth behind my back like a coward. You wanted Bob (toms dad) to find out why I don't like you? You are a complete psycho bitch and have been from day #1. I have NO respect for you. And the fact that you won't let Joel go to his own brothers wedding, to be out of your grip for 3 short days, further proves how controlling and evil you are. I'm honestly saddened by the fact that I will share a last name with you in 6 months."

She had it coming. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I was so sick of people telling me "that's just how she is, she has always been a bitch, just ignore her, let it go." NO MORE! Why let her continue to ruin people's lives? Screw that. She deserved everything I said to her. And I needed to tell her for my own sanity. I was so stressed over keeping everything inside when it came to her. And I really do feel better.

Of course she texted me back and said that she is a "grown up" and can decide who and when her and her family will spend time with someone. And she chooses not to spend time with me. And it was MY FAULT tom didn't get to see his brother and niece at the zoo because I should have "let" tom go to the zoo alone. (NEVER ONCE did I tell tom he couldn't go without me. It was 100% his choice not to go if I wasn't welcome.) She told me to "stop making a big deal out of it" and that I should just let Tom see them alone from now on. (including taking a weeks vacation time and going down to Texas without me?! I don't think so.)

I told her that she needs to accept me as a package deal just like we all have to accept her and deal with her because she is married to Tom's brother.

Her answer? That I was psycho if I thought that was going to happen. And the only way Tom will ever see his brother or niece again is if I'm not in the picture.

Well that sums it up. Tom's brother called Tom and started bitching to him about what I said to SIL. But I am proud to say Tom stood by me 10000%. We are united when it comes to this. But hey, I guess I don't have to worry about seeing her anytime soon, huh? YAY!

P.S. It floors me that this happened. Never once did I do anything, or say anything bad to her. (before now, obviously) There was never any "bad blood" between us until I got engaged and she started trying to ruin my wedding. WTF.

Activities in Jamaica

2010-07-02T15:20:00.002-05:00

When we're in Jamaica we plan on doing some activites (other than sitting on the beach and drinking fruity drinks!) The week our family is there we were planning a renting a boat and going deep sea fishing and going on a horseback ride in the ocean. My little sister isn't going fishing, but she was going to go horseback riding. Well, I found out today that they have weight limits. And they range from 200-230 max. I asked my mom what my sis weighs and she thinks around 240. Which means she's pretty much too big to go on the horseback ride. I'm heartbroken. I don't even want to tell her because I know it will hurt her feelings! I don't know what to do! But at the same time, she still has 6 months to lose 15 pounds so she can be under the weight limit. :( This sucks big time.

I'm also planning what activities Tom and I are going to do when our family leaves, but I don't have the heart to do it anymore. I can't see us going off on all these fun adventures while we leave my sister back at the resort because she is "too big."

With this ring...

2010-06-21T15:50:00.003-05:00

We bought Tom's wedding band on Saturday! He was way pickier than I thought he would be. The ring couldn't be too wide, or heavy, or plain, etc. (part of the problem is he has really skinny fingers and most of the men's rings looked stupid on his little fingers!) But I'm happy to say we found one that looked good on his hand! And he even got me to spend more money than I was going to because he liked the ring with diamonds! haha what a girl...

Anyway, here it is! The ring that will make Tom go from fiance to HUSBAND!

4 years

2010-06-18T09:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was our 4 year dating anniversary. June 17th, 2006 was the day I met my future husband! :) Yesterday I woke up to a card on my nightstand (telling me he's excited to marry me and start a family together! awww) stuffed full of salted carmels (yum!) Then last night we went out to dinner at Red Lobster. It was a really nice night. :) In some ways I feel like we've been together forever, but in others I can't believe how fast those 4 years have flown by. I have changed SO MUCH from 21-25. (thankfully for the better!) and Tom was there with me every step of the way. He's grown and changed too. And I'm glad we were able to grow together and become better together. Each year we've been together has been better than the previous year and I hope it stays that way!

P.S. It was also bittersweet that this is the last "dating anniversary" that will be really special. Because from here on out our wedding anniversary will take it's place.

Time Flys

2010-06-10T10:49:00.003-05:00

First of all, how can it be June 10th already? There is only slightly more than 6 months until I get married! I am SO glad the first half of my engagement is over! It was horrible. Not at all like I pictured it would be. It was stressful and left me really sad at all the bad things being said about it. But now, all the trips are booked (and not everyone is coming, and we're ok with that!), we have the money to pay off our trip, we applied for our passports last night, and everything is moving full speed ahead and I am FINALLY HAPPY AND EXCITED about the thought of my wedding/getting married. Ah, I've been waiting for this feeling! :)

Second, my one-and-only baby brother is graduating high school on Saturday! I can't believe it! (That also means I graduated 7 years ago! Where the hell does time go to?!) We will be heading home tomorrow after work for the weekend to see him graduate. He put our whole family through hell the past few years. I think he made my poor mom age about 10+ years! But I am very happy that he is still here, maturing (as much as an 18 year old boy can, anyway!), and graduating high school. :)

My brother, Patrick. I can't wait for him to walk me down the aisle in December!

Updates & more SIL drama

2010-06-04T11:36:00.004-05:00

So, long time no update! A few major things have happened recently...

1) My great-grandma passed away at the age of 94

2) My grandma decided she IS coming to our wedding now that she doesn't have to worry about leaving great-grandma (her mom) for a week.

3) We switched our resort from S.a.n.d.a.l.s to B.r.e.e.z.e.s

4) Sis-in-law visited from Texas and caused major DRAMA!

***

So first my great-grandma, Goldie, passed away the end of April after she had a stroke. She was still in her own home with my grandma & my mom by her side. She had a good, long life. My grandma was the one who was taking care of her. Because my grandma didn't really want to leave my great-grandma for an entire week, and didn't want to deal with the hassle of traveling with oxygen, she decided not to come to my wedding. It really, really sucked but I understood. Well, since my great-grandma passed my grandma doesn't have to worry about her anymore. And she decided to come to Jamaica with us! I am really, really happy my grandma will be there to see me get married!! :)

Speaking of wedding, we switched resorts. S.a.n.d.a.l.s increased their prices and it was too expensive for my family. So we switched. This other resort isn't as fancy by any means, but it's still on the beach, the had my wedding day available, and my family can afford it. We'll make the best of it either way!

Last weekend Tom's brother, his wife, and their daughter came into town. (dun, dun DUN!) I was dreading this visit for weeks! I'm not kidding it was causing me major anxiety! So on Saturday I spend all day cleaning my house, baby-proofing, and even bought SIL (sis-in-law) special food since she can't eat any lactose. So on Sunday they were supposed to be at our house at 9pm to go out for breakfast. They don't show up until 11:30. (which isn't even breakfast time anymore! I had been up since 6:30am!) But anyway, we go out to breakfast and everything is fine. There is some slight tension, obviously, because we can't stand each other, but everything seemed to go ok. We get back to our house around noon and she takes her daughter and says she has to run to "Target" real quick. She doesn't come back until 6:30 PM!!! Then she drops off her kid and says she has to run to the "grocery store." WTF. (Apparently she was at a friend's house all day) So while Tom did get to see his brother all day, he was really looking forward to seeing his 14 month old niece who he just met for the FIRST time! But she was gone all day! So when SIL finally makes it back to our house we have dinner and then they leave since it was so late and the kid was getting cranky. We had plans to all meet up at the zoo the following morning.

An hour after they left SIL sends Tom a text that says, "Danielle isn't invited to the zoo tomorrow. She can't come." And when Tom asks why? She says, "She wasn't friendly or welcoming enough. I refuse to spend anymore time with her. If you want to see Joel or Katie you will have to do it alone from here on out."

EXCUSE ME, BITCH! REALLY?

So needless to say Tom did NOT go to the zoo on Monday and didn't get to see his brother or his niece again before they left. I didn't tell Tom he couldn't go, but I am glad he decided to stand up for me and not give into SIL's crazy demands. It shows that we are united and she can't break us apart no matter how hard she tries.

I would like to take this moment to say how glad I am that she isn't coming to our wedding! She would ruin it somehow, I'm sure. While I'm sorry Tom doesn't get his brother there, her actions this past weekend have proven she is completely PSYCHO and there is no stopping or pleasing her.

Sis-in-law has won

2010-04-12T15:58:00.005-05:00

Sort of anyway. So I left off when I sent the convo between myself and sis-in-law to Tom's brother. Apparently he said that he "saw her point that it wasn't fair of him to go on a trip without her." AKA "I don't have the balls to stand up to her." And told Tom we really needed to switch our wedding to MN if we wanted them there. (By this point there was no way I wanted either of them there, but it's Tom's brother so I can't pull my Bridezilla card on that one without being a complete B*tch myself...)

So off I went, I spent literally all day contacting vendors trying to find a date that was still available in Minnesota-- THIS SUMMER! Trying to plan an entire wedding in 3 months was giving me major anxiety. And I was really disappointed in Tom. He told me he needed his brother at his wedding. Ok...but when he is flat-out refusing to come to the wedding we planned, why change everything just for him? I get that he's your brother but my gosh! Not everyone in my family can make it to Jamaica either! My grandma is on oxygen and can't fly. And she is really important to me. But I felt like Tom didn't really care about that and basically wanted me to bend over backwards for his brother and his witch of a wife. I was not a happy person...

I found a Friday in July that was available. So I told Tom that we need to go to Michaels and get planning this wedding ASAP if he was SURE that's what he wanted. He told me he HAS to have his brother there, so yes, we had to change the entire wedding. (Yes, we could have waited until Summer 2011, but neither of us wanted to wait that long.) I told him that his sis-in-law needed to apologize to me ASAP or she will not be invited to our wedding, wherever and whenever it happens. So she sent me a half ass apology over text message and off we went to look at invitations and place cards, etc. After we got home Tom told me that "Maybe he does want the Jamaica wedding after all." WHAT?! He called his mom and talked to her for a couple hours! When he came back inside he told me that this is "our day" and if we want Jamaica, then we should have Jamaica. It's sad his brother won't be there but we shouldn't have to change our entire wedding to make him happy. (Hello! I've been telling you that for how long?!) Tom apologized for putting me through this mess, and for not listening to how I felt. I was so emotionally drained and pissed by that point that I made him sleep on the couch and think about what he REALLY wanted and I wanted a final, FINAL answer in the morning. He said he wanted Jamaica.

That was a week ago. And of today, he still says he wants Jamaica. Brother or no brother.

My nerves are so frazzled. I don't know what to think of this situation. It has caused some MAJOR drama between Tom & I. I felt like he wasn't standing up for me and what WE want for OUR wedding. He felt like I wasn't compromising in order to allow his brother to be there. (But is "compromising" totally changing your wedding? Compromise, yes. Change our entire wedding, no.)

I'm not even thinking about my wedding right now. The weather is warmer and we've been doing a lot of yard work to keep us busy. I think I'm 90% sure we will still go ahead with Jamaica. But I won't feel 100% until we book the entire trip. (Which should be soon)

Sis-in-law part 2

2010-04-01T10:50:00.005-05:00

Quick update on this...

Tom talked to his brother this morning and asked if he was coming to the wedding and told him what his wife said. His brother said he wasn't aware of the conversation between his wife and I. He also wasn't aware that he wasn't coming. (Doesn't this just prove how INSANE this woman is?) So he asked me to forward the saved convo to him. I told him I would HAPPILY forward it to him.(Thank goodness I saved it. I had a feeling I would need my PROOF!) Tom also told his brother that I wasn't comfortable with them staying with us this summer. And the only way I would change my mind is if she gave me a major apology and agreed to keep her nose out of our wedding plans. (I doubt she will) But he said that was fair.

I would love to be a fly on the wall in their house tonight...I wonder how he'll feel when he reads what his so-called "loving" wife wrote. Ha!

Wedding Date Astrology

2010-03-30T12:11:00.004-05:00

I came across a fun article today about your "wedding sign" and what it says about your wedding depending on which month you pick.

Capricorn Weddings (December 22 - January 19)
Getting married at the beginning of winter can be a lot of fun, whether the couple decides on destination nuptials in a tropical locale or a traditional wedding that coincides with seasonal family gatherings. Dignity is the key here, as that is the chief attribute of Capricorn. This doesn't mean there won't be a lot of laughs, though. The Capricorn marriage will take on some of the characteristics of a business relationship; the love life will be private, but far more passionate than outsiders might imagine.

Here is the article if you want to see what other months mean.

She's Gone CRAZY!

2010-03-29T12:55:00.003-05:00

Tom's brother "J" lives in Texas. Since we live in Minnesota, we don't see him very often. And thank God because he has a wife from HELL! I can't stand her. Everything is about her. She is the smartest, prettiest, thinnest, best of the best in the whole wide world! (puke)

So before we booked our wedding we cleared it with all family members and made sure they knew we wanted a destination wedding, etc. (We also told everyone we would pay for everyone's airfare!!!) She is the only one in either family with a child. (She'll be almost 2 at the wedding) We told her that they are free to bring her and stay at Beaches (the family friendly resort tied to Sandals). She told us "no, I don't want to being her out of the country. But she can stay with my family." Ok, great! Later she changed her mind because she can't possibly leave her kid for 4 nights. So then the plan was for her to stay home and her husband (Tom's brother) would come to the wedding alone and share a room with his dad. That has been the plan now for 3 months. Until last Friday...

She decided to IM me over facebook chat and asked, "When is your MN reception going to be? And when are you going to the courthouse?"

I told her that we're undecided on the MN reception due too cost and there won't be a courthouse wedding because Jamaica is the real, legal deal.

So she said, "Oh, I guess we can't be a part of your wedding then."

And I asked, "Isn't "J" coming to Jamaica? He was supposed to share a room with his dad?"

And she said (and this is a direct quote!) "I don't think that's fair of him to take a trip in paradise without his wife.......and I am not taking our kid out of the country-and it's not an option to just leave her behind for that long-while we're out of the country. So no he's no going. we've been going around and around about this since you guys first mentioned it.
that's really the only option at this point is to opt out and not have him go either."

So I asked why her hubby didn't man up and tell my fiance that he's not coming himself?

"maybe he's holding out that i'll change my mind and let him go. But I won't. It's def. been an issue at our home for the last 4 months and the next 7 and beyond I'm sure--thanks guys for that, causing trouble between us."

W.T.F!

She went on to tell me how NOBODY is happy about Jamaica and she is the only one with enough balls to tell me. I'm rude and selfish for asking people to go all the way to Jamaica, it would be a better wedding in MN, she can't believe I would ever ask this of his family, I'm such a bitch, blah blah blah. Too bad she signed offline while I was typing my response...

I am LIVID. I don't remember the last time I have been so mad! Tom is supposed to call his brother tonight and ask him if he's really not coming or what. I'm also making him call him mom and dad and make sure they are still ok with Jamaica. I am 95% sure she is nothing but a bitch and is just trying to cause trouble, but I want to know for sure.

I don't know what to do about this woman. She was supposed to stay at my house this summer for a few days when they come up to visit. But I told Tom she is NOT welcome in my house. His brother can come see it (but I know she won't "let" him) and he is free to hang out with them all he wants. But I won't be there. And she won't be in my house. Period.

Damn you, etsy!

2010-03-15T14:29:00.004-05:00

I ordered something else from etsy today. (Granted, I've gotten everything for a good deal, much less than I would pay in a store...) Anyway, it's a tiny photo frame. On one side is a picture of my grandma on her wedding day. On the other side is a picture of my great-grandma on my mom's wedding day. I will attach this to my bouquet. Both of these women are still alive, but unable to make it to Jamaica to my wedding. I wanted them to be a part of the ceremony in some way. (It also has a "something blue" charm on it!)

Wedding Stuff UPDATE

2010-03-12T20:27:00.009-06:00

So far I've got my dress, flower comb for my hair, shoes, and bracelet. Our engagement pics are done and I think I've found a photographer for our wedding. Here is what else I've been up to. I have...

Sent out our save the date postcards (covered up the last names on here...)

And our magnets

Got Tom's suit/tie

Ordered my earrings from etsy

And got a matching necklace. (from the same etsy seller)

I also placed a deposit for my bouquet. I wanted mainly white/ivory peonies and orchids. Holy crap it's feeling VERY REAL! ;)

Engagement Photos!

2010-03-11T18:07:00.009-06:00

My Engagement pics are done! I love them! Here are some of my favorites!

Go here

2010-03-09T15:43:00.001-06:00

Go here, read it. SO FUNNY! (You're welcome) :)

Jam packed weekend

2010-03-08T16:39:00.003-06:00

This weekend went so fast! Friday night we went out to dinner with a couple friends. Saturday was spent cleaning all day and then we had a dinner party at our house and "game night" after. Then Sunday we had our engagement pictures!

I can't wait to see if they turned out good! I think she got some good shots but I'm worried about how my jeans will look. I wore some spanx to hold the tummy in and I didn't realize until we were already there that you could see the line of them clearly on my thighs! So it looked like I had shorts on under my jeans! (which I guess I kinda did!) OMG! I'm so nervous that it will ruin some pictures! :( I am literally stalking my photog's blog waiting for some previews! She said the pictures will be ready in a week...but I can't wait that long, I'll go crazy! Sigh...

But anyway, I'm glad we took engagement pictures. I got my hair done and Tom looked all spiffy too. It's not everyday we get all dressed up! ;) It was weird at first. We had to stand there and stare at each other and kiss and hold hands...and of course people were staring. But after a little bit I didn't even notice the other people around us anymore. It also made us kinda giddy like we were sooooo in love or something (haha) All in all, it was really fun and I hope the pictures turn out good too.

Liar, Liar

2010-03-05T14:15:00.002-06:00

So I said I would post another blog when I got home. Then I lied and didn't. Oops! I got home and went on the treadmill and then made dinner. Then Tom's brother called and told him he doesn't think he's coming to our wedding (wtf) and by that point I wasn't in the mood to do anything but go to bed.

So Tom has two brothers. One lives in Texas and one lives about 2 hours away. The one in Texas has a wife nobody can stand. She refuses to leave her 2 year old child with her own grandma for 5 days to attend our wedding. Which I guess is fine since I don't like her anyway. Tom's brother (her husband) will come alone. Tom's other brother is single and I guess is having a hard time coming up with the money to go. Which I know is true, his hours at work got cut back. HOWEVER, Tom's dad gave each kid $5k for xmas and we told him he NEEDS to save 1k for this trip. (We weren't officially engaged yet. But we knew we were going to have a wedding in Jamaica already.) So I don't know what happened but now he says he cant go. So do we pay his trip? We can't really afford to. (And that wouldn't be fair.) But I feel bad that Tom won't have one of his brothers there!!! Tom claims he's fine with it. Obviously he wants his brother there, but he gave him fair warning and if he can't afford it, no hard feelings. I asked Tom if his dad might help pay for his brother and he said, "highly doubtful." I don't know what to do with that whole mess. I choose to ignore it for now!

Last night was spent trying on tons of clothes. Our photographer that is going to do our engagement pictures said she is free on Sunday and we need to hurry if we want pictures with snow. So I had to run out and get some clothes. I got myself a simple grey cardigan with a purple lace tank under it and Tom a dark grey sweater. Tonight we have to go get some new shoes, a necklace, and maybe some new nail polish for those close-up ring shots!

Saturday will be spent cleaning the house because we are having 8 people over for dinner and some cards.

Sunday is the above mentioned engagement pictures. (I hope I don't look FAT in all of them!)

Feeling Better

2010-03-03T11:33:00.003-06:00

I'm back! And feeling a lot better! The past couple months have been hard in sooooo many ways...but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I have tons to update you all on, but I don't seem to have the time right now (at work) so I will have to do another post tonight when I get home.

I will do a quick update on the weight loss thing. Still no change in my weight. I'm stuck at 143. However, the past 2 weeks I have been pretty darn good with my eating (and tracking calories) and since I'm feeling better I've been starting to workout again too. I'm getting pretty upset that the scale won't move, to be honest. I would be THRILLED to even see 142 on the damn scale! ha! I'm not giving up and I'm still plugging along, but I want to see some progress! (and no, my clothes still fit the same...no change there either)

Last Saturday I went to the prior fat girl meet up. It was nice to be around 40 women all from the Minneapolis area who are struggling with the same issues as me. However, I did feel really out of place. I'm really shy in person and it's hard to open up. But it was nice to meet Jen of priorfatgirl.com (she's super nice!) and I got some nice samples and coupons too!

Anyway, I'll be back later (and with some wedding updates!)

sick sick sick sick

2010-02-24T13:04:00.004-06:00

I have been sick for the past week. Really sick. As in, I look like death and can't do anything but lay in bed. :( Then last night Emma (my little yorkie-poo) started throwing up every 5 minutes and was whining and shaking. After an hour I decided to bring her to the emergency vet because she wouldn't stop throwing up. $400 later everything checked out and they gave her fluids and some meds to stop the vomiting. She seemed fine this morning. There goes all the money I have saved for the wedding so far. Ugh!

(Oh! As a side note I have lost a couple pounds since being sick. One good thing about being sick, right? Ha!)

I wrote earlier about a blogger meetup for girls who are trying to lose weight/or have lost weight. And I officially signed up and it's this Saturday at a local coffee shop! I'm nervous, but excited too. It should be fun!

Happy Birthday, Rex!

2010-02-12T09:25:00.004-06:00

My little man Rex is one today! (Is it wrong that I'm kinda sad that he's no longer a puppy anymore? I'm going to be a mess when I have actual children!)

Here he is shortly after we got him last May (Around 3 pounds)

And Rex at our housewarming party (Around 8 pounds. He grew into his ears, haha!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REX!

Tonight Tom and I are going out to dinner to celebrate Valentine's day. I'm excited! I got him a Jack Daniels sign (he collects them) and some new swim trunks for a gift. (His old ones got torn last summer and I figure he will need them for JAMAICA!) Then tomorrow we have our bowling league and then Sunday we are celebrating my great-grandma's 95th birthday!

And on the weight related note, still at 143.0 UGH. Some weeks I know why I stayed the same, because I wasn't as strict as I needed. But this week, I stayed within my calories EVERY day, I worked out. I did everything right. And still no loss. Frustrating.

4 years ago

2010-02-11T11:53:00.003-06:00

4 years ago I was at rock bottom. The man I was desperately in love with (and living with!) told me he was still in love with his ex girlfriend. (It is also when I gained the weight I have been working so hard at getting rid of.) He was seeing her behind my back while I was at work. He didn't have the balls to actually end things with me because he claimed he was confused and wasn't sure which woman he wanted. On Valentines day I asked if we could sit down and have dinner together and talk about everything that was going on. He agreed. I came home from work with a present for him and he informed me he was going to his ex's house to watch the Olympics with them instead. That was the final straw for me (why it took me that long, I don't know. This had been going on for about 4 weeks by that point.) I remember watching the Olympics on tv, alone, on Valentines day and picturing him at her house snuggled up to her. I don't remember much else except crying so much I couldn't catch my breath. It was the worst day of my entire life so far. It is now 4 years later and the winter Olympics are coming on again. I can't watch them. Even the previews make me sick to my stomach.

However, I can't believe the changes from 4 years ago to now. It's incredible. I'm so thankful! I just wish I could go back in time and tell myself, "Hey! Cheer up! 4 years from now you will own your own home and be engaged to a man who actually values you!" Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much then. And maybe I would actually be able to watch the Olympics... It's days like this that remind me, "Everything happens for a reason." :)

I'm very lucky.

Prior fat girl

2010-02-08T14:51:00.003-06:00

There is this blog I read daily, priorfatgirl.com. It's written by a girl named Jen who has lost 100 pounds. It's a great blog and she is actually from Minneapolis, like me. :) So I was very excited when she announced a meet up!

Info Here

And I took the plunge and signed up! It's for prior fat girls (I guess that would be me...Even though I don't quite feel like it yet) and "future" prior fat girls. I'm super nervous, like I'm going on a blind date or something! Ha! I've never met anyone from a blog before. But I think it will be cool to meet women who live in my area and have either lost a lot of weight, or are at the start of their journey.

Tom's wedding present

2010-02-02T13:24:00.003-06:00

I'm 99% sure I am going to get boudoir photos done for Tom! I've always loved the idea...but haven't had the body or a reason to do it! Well, I found a great photographer who is running a special on July 17th and I think I will sign up! I'm so close to goal weight right now that I figure I have plenty of time to be ready in 5 months! I'm nervous, but also excited! I think it will be fun to have sexy pictures of me not only as a wedding gift for Tom, but it's something I want to do for me as well. Bring on the work outs! (and the Victoria's Secret catalog!) ;)

We are also toying with the idea on having the same photographer flown in for our wedding. It would end up being like $200 more than the Sandals photo package, but with WAY more coverage and a trash the dress session included too! We'll know more for sure next week once flights open up!

TGIF

2010-01-29T16:45:00.003-06:00

Thank God this week from hell is almost over! First one of my co-workers called in ALL FLIPPING WEEK so then I got stuck working with the only other person here I can't stand! You know how there are just people you don't like, and never will? And her laugh is SO ANNOYING! It seriously makes me want to lean over and punch her in the face!

So again, TGIF!

We have to take the dogs to the vet tonight. Emma needs booster shots and Rex is having some trouble holding "it" all day all of a sudden. Then tomorrow we have bowling then are going over to our friend's house for some wine and video games. (We also went out to Buffalo Wild Wings last night with these same friends. I had some nice wings & beer. Yeah, pretty sure that wasn't the smartest choice the day before "weigh-in" as witnessed to the side. UGH UGH UGH. I seriously need Jillian Michaels to come and kick me ass, pronto!)

P.S. The phone interview went pretty good. Won't hear about the next round of interviews for a couple weeks though!

Work Drama

2010-01-28T13:26:00.003-06:00

I work for a clinic. I hate it. But it's a full time job, and pays the bills (mostly, haha) Well there is this one woman I work with who calls in CONSTANTLY! She only works 4 days a week as it is and every.single.week this WHOLE month, she has called in at least once. And this week, she has called in for the entire week! I am so sick of it! All it does is make my life hell because I have to pick up her slack! And my boss does nothing about it! And once you factor in that we now have to start rotationg weekends and work holidays, I'm at my witts end!

...So I have a phone interview tomorrow morning for a different job. I'm nervous, but at the same time, I know I need to move on. My current job is sucking the life out of me. Cross your fingers for me!! :)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-01-27T14:21:00.004-06:00

Tom knows I have a blog. I haven't ever given him the address, but I'm sure he could find it if he really tried. However, I told him to please leave it alone because it's my "space" and kinda like a diary? And he said he would respect that.

Well I hope he sticks to his word! (you there Tom? DON'T LOOK!)

Below is me actually in my wedding dress!

My arms need some major toning, (as you can see in the first picture) as well as my back. (I'm not even going to show my fat back in the dress yet. Ick!) But Overall, I'm pretty happy. I love how small my waist looks. And with some more inches gone, and some alterations, it will be perfect! (Ok, not wordless wednesday afterall...Ooops!)

Slump

2010-01-22T13:16:00.002-06:00

Um yeah. See that weigh-in log over there? ------>

It's not looking so hot. I'm in a slump. I didn't lose anything this week. Again. Damn. But then I'm not surprised. I have been keeping an eye on my eating, but I don't think I've exercised in...um...uh...2 weeks? Gee, maybe that's related to my scale not budging!

Sigh. I need to get back on the workout train. Dealing with family drama over the wedding has majorally stressed me out. All I want to do when I get home from work is watch tv. At least my weight is still going down in the right direction. I just need to beef up my efforts. Starting tonight. I need to get back into running. I need dates with Jillian Michaels and her 30DS (EVIL) I need to tone my back & arms because although that dress I wore last weekend is a true SIZE 8 (holla! Goal size!) My wedding dress is strapless...and I have some work to do to get my flabby chicken arms into shape!

Sooooooooooooo I still need to lose 6 more pounds. And TONE TONE TONE like crazy.

P.S. I am SO FREAKING GLAD I lost 40 pounds BEFORE I got engaged. Now I have 11 months to lose 6 pounds and tone up?! Instead of losing 50 pounds and toning up?! Easy as pie! Phew!

P.P.S Tom & I have decided we might start trying to have a baby after the wedding. More like, stop taking birth control and "whatever happens, happens" But still...big step! Ah! (We'll see how we feel once December gets closer! Maybe we won't be as ready as we think. But maybe we will...)

Work party/Coach purse love!

2010-01-19T18:50:00.004-06:00

So after I found my wedding dress on Saturday I had to go to Tom's annual work party. They always have tons of food, open bar, and awesome door prizes! We have never won anything before, and this was our third year going. And this year we both won! Tom won a $100 gift card and I won... A Coach purse! WooHoo! I've never owned one before, because I couldn't spend that much money on a purse....But now I have a beautiful one for free! When they pulled my name out of the box they just said, "Danielle." and I shouted, "what's the last name?" And they butchered my last name and I screamed, "That's me!!!!!Woo!" Ha! :) (I may have been a little tipsy by this point. I was also stealing ice from the ice sculpture for my drink...but everyone else was drunk too so it's all good!) So I'd say I had an awesome weekend all around! This whole year has been amazing so far! Who will complain about getting engaged and winning a Coach purse?! ;)

Tom & I before the party

My Coach purse!

Got my dress & hair piece!

2010-01-18T14:26:00.007-06:00

On Saturday my mom & sister came down to go dress shopping. I was very nervous! I was worried the sales girl I got would be pushy and laugh at me when I told her my price range (Um, LOW!) But it went well. They had plenty of dresses in my price range. My dress fits me like a glove! It hides what I want it to hide, and shows off what it should! It made me look really skinny, always a plus! It's actually a 2009 dress, so they let me buy the sample dress right off the floor (in the exact size & color I was going to order!) for $150 less. The dress was in good shape, and the $150 discount will help cover the cost of alterations! Sounds like a good deal to me! ;)

The front of my dress

...and the back

I tried on a veil with the dress when we were in the store. It was "too much" considering the dress has a train and is more formal than I thought I would buy. It is a beach wedding after all! So I'm not wearing a veil. I'm wearing my hair up with a hair piece. So, I made my first Etsy purchase today! The bridal shops were asking $100-300 for a flipping hair piece! No way! So I found a very cute one on Etsy for $28 plus $6 shipping! I hope it turns out good! Here's the seller's pictures of it...

Now I am on the hunt for flat shoes that are actually cute! Most of the flat shoes I've found are UGLY!