Taxes

I filed my taxes today. I get a whopping $432 back. Good to know my hard earned money is going to pay the welfare for crack-whores and babies who have idiots for parents. (Instead of, you know, healthcare and education?!)

I know of one such person. She has 4 different children all with different dads. Oh yeah, she's only 25!! Anyway, she commented on my sister's Facebook page and asked her, and I QUOTE, "Can u do my taxes for me? and get all my reductions so i can get lots of money back? I wanna go shoppin."

WTF. Maybe you should buy your babies some clothes? Food? NO?

THEN GET YOUR DAMN TUBES TIED! (Or at least know that it is a tax deduction, sweetheart!)

I know another girl who couldn't pay her daycare for 2 months, and is ALWAYS behind on her bills. Where is her 5k tax return going? On a vacation to Vegas.

THINK PEOPLE, THINK!

And then there's me. I have no children out of wedlock. I am not on welfare. And I get $432 to put into my emergency savings. Oh yeah, after I buy two new tires which my car needs. Damn responsibilities!!!

***
I was IM'ing with my brother. He is starting a new school on Monday. I really hope he likes it there. He needs to make friends. He needs to build his future. And he needs to be happy and stay alive more than anything.

At the end of the conversation he told me he loved me.

I feel like I can do anything right now, I'm so happy. I needed to hear (read) that. So I'm off to the gym, and happy about it for once!!!

Life as I see it...

Well, I guess life is back to "normal" around here. Ha.

My brother was in the hospital for a few days after his "incident." He came home after a few counseling sessions and said he was better. Nobody really believes him, but the doctors released him and we can't force him into therapy. I've talked to him a couple times this week and he does seem back to normal...but I won't believe it. This was the 3rd time within one year. I'm so tired of going to bed every night and wondering if I will get a call at 3am that my brother is gone for good. I can't deal with this anymore. He refuses to get help, he won't talk to any of us. There is nothing I can do. And that is really hard to swallow...

In other news, I bought a heart rate monitor, because I am a fat cow, and I hope it will help me push myself harder when I'm working out. Except getting in a great workout won't help me with the whole fat cow thing...I need to get my eating under control. The past week I've been averaging 1800 calories a day. Which isn't enough to make me gain any weight (I burn around 2100-2200 calories a day) but I'm not losing any weight either. I'm just so sick of being on a "diet." I can do 1800 calories, no problem. But I just can't seem to stick to 1300 calories anymore! I'm tired and hungry!!

I don't want to make excuses for myself. I know I can do this...I'm just having a REALLY hard time getting back on the wagon again. At least I've been keeping my weight the same, and I haven't been gaining any back. I wish I had someone doing this with me. The bf can eat and eat and LOSE weight. He does NOT exercise...at all. I wish a had a "buddy" IRL to help motivate me. *sigh*

Speaking of people trying to lose weight...I know this guy, we'll call him Fester. (Not his real name, thankfully!) Anyway, Fester used to work with my bf. We've hung out a few times and had a good time. There was/is some chemistry between us. But it's not like either of us would act on it. For one, he is friends with my bf. And two, even though there is some chemistry, I think we both know we would NOT work as an actual couple. So on Friday night we chatted on Facebook and he said that he was the DD for a few girls and wondered if I wanted to go with.

So I went out with him since I may be a little depressed right now and I wanted to get out of the house. We picked everyone up and went to a little bar and enjoyed a nice night out. The people were really nice. I wouldn't mind hanging out with them again.

I didn't get home until 4am. And my bf was royally pissed. And that made me happy. You see, he has NEVER been jealous before. And if he has, well, I've never seen it. It was nice to know that he actually cares about me and got a little jealous when I went out with someone else.

Getting back to the losing weight thing, Fester is trying to lose some weight/tone up. And I wish we could join a gym together or something. But I feel weird bringing it up, and I don't think my bf would like me spending an hour with this guy EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Oh well.

....
...
..
.

I can't shake this funk I'm in. It sucks. I'm even thinking about trying St. John's Wort because I've heard it can help improve mild depression symptoms. (And I don't want to go on an actual anti-depressant...) But I don't know of anyone who's ever taken it before? (Case in point, it's 6:40pm right now and I am so tired I want to go to bed and sleep. I just want to feel normal again...)

Interview

I got this interview from Elizabeth here.

The Rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My Questions:

If you could be any animal, what would you be?

A tiger. I would be lean, I could run fast, and tons of animals would be scared of me. Not to mention, I would be very pretty. :)

What is your favorite thing to do when you have absolutely nothing to do?

Eat? Haha... I also like to read, take bubble baths and watch horrible reality TV.

What would the title of your biography be?

I wouldn't want to name it yet. It would say something like "broken & confused." I would like to hope that 10 or 20 years from now it would have a fabulous & witty title instead! We'll wait and see!

What celebrity, icon, political figure (living or dead) would you most want to have dinner with?

President Obama (how fitting, considering he got sworn in today!)

You're at a dinner with all your former lovers as the guest of honor. What do you toast to?

Oh wow! How awkward! I guess I would toast to great sex! All of the men in my past, even the ones who screwed me over, helped build my sexual confidence. And that's something I thankful for and damn proud of! ;)

Round 2

I just found this blog post from my youngest sister... She was writing to our brother... It broke my heart...

wtf is wrong with you?! you feel unwanted and unloved? look again boy, you have a family that cares so fcking much about you and you go and do this kind of sht?! this is your third time putting ppl who are closest to you and care about so much through hell again! why dont you understand that this isnt your time to leave.. not yet. your only fcking 17 yrs old! you have your entire life ahead of you! fck cc! she aint worth it. shes a worthless peice of trash or only brought our family drama. I blame myself for introducing her to you. If you didnt meet her then you'd probablly be happy and not doing this kind of sht. seriously, open up to someone! It helps to get all of this off your chest and just vent! Your not unwanted kid! You have your family, friends, and your pup who loves you more then the world! why dont you understand?! What do we have to do to make you see that its not worth killing yourself over? huh? tell me.. tell us what we can do to keep you alive! You dont relieze how fcking depressed i get when you do this or when I think about you doing this?! Patrick, it tares me apart and i cant think right! your suppose to be my big brother and be there for me, like I am for you. This sunday, I was going to pay for both of us to go sledding at young life. do you know how much fun that would have been?! doing something together.. It would have made my day cause we would actually be getting along again. If you left this world, Im not sure what I would do. I wouldnt care about life anymore.. I couldnt get the energy or motavation for anything. plz, im begging you, dont do this!! you can make better choices!


Doesn't he see what he is doing to our family?!?!

Drama

So today started out pretty good. It was a normal Friday at work. The weather is finally above zero. (It's only 2 degrees, but that's way better than -30!) I met a friend of mine for dinner/drinks after work. We had some good food and some good girl talk. I was excited about the bf's work party tomorrow. I have an awesome dress and heels all ready to go.

I got home and changed into my gym clothes so I could go to the gym. I decided to pop on Facebook before I left. (I'll admit, I like to Facebook stalk.) I was looking at the status updates and saw one from my brother.

Patrick *last name* says Goodbye.

WTF! This pisses me off. Has he not put my God damn family through enough already?! So I call my mom right away and it turns out she already called the cops because she noticed him missing about an hour ago.

Not again...please, not again!

I tell my bf what is going on. Then he gets the bright idea that he should go upstairs to a friend's apartment for some drinks. Um, WHAT!? I told him he should stay with me since, ya know, my suicidal brother ran away AGAIN and posted a F*cking goodbye message and all!

He said, "There is no sense waiting around. I might as well go hang out with Kev. Call me when you hear something."

Obviously the fact that I, HIS GIRLFRIEND, is worried sick and am going through a family emergency isn't important to him. F*ck him.

***
It's now 4 hours later. My brother went home on his own. He said he was out "for a walk" and forgot his phone. LIAR! Apparently my mom had a panic attack when she saw him walk in the door. My sister called the cops and told them my brother came home, but she needed an ambulance because my mom couldn't breathe.

That's f*cking awesome...

The cops took my brother. Not that it matters, he will be out of the hospital soon enough. The paramedics calmed my mom down. My sister will drive her to the hospital where my brother is soon. The worst part? I'm 3 hours away and can't do a damn thing.

And my good-for-nothing boyfriend is STILL at his friend's house. Not a call or anything to check on the situation. Gee, I love you too, bastard!

Global Warming

Dear Global Warming,

I think you missed Minnesota. We are used to the cold and snow. We go through it every year. It's the main topic of conversation every winter. It's my theory that people in Minnesota bitch about the cold, but we secretly love it. It makes us stronger than the rest of the country. (Suck it Cali, we can survive below zero temperatures!) Give us a temperature of 10 degrees? Psh, that's nothing! But this negative 34 degree crap? (BEFORE the windchill, thankyouverymuch!) I've had enough. It's probably impossible for anyone to even imagine what negative 34 feels like (unless of course, you are crazy-aka stupid- enough to live here!) A human will freeze in 10 minutes. I know it's true. The radio told me so. In any case, I would appreciate if you warmed the hell up now. K, thanks.

***


In case you were wondering, it will never get too cold to snow. WCCO said so.

Finally, a question for the weather man: Is it ever really too cold to snow?

"No," said meteorologist Chris Shaffer, "but that is the common thought. It's not true."

Shaffer said the absolute limit for snow is actually absolute zero, which is about 459 degrees below zero -- more than 400 degrees colder than anything we'll ever experience.

*This is an actual picture of the thermometer at the local news station.*

First Kiss

I'm brand new to the 20SB community. I just wanted to find some cool new blogs to read. But today I came across this.

So here it is, the story about my first kiss. Hold onto your seats!

I was 14 and was dating Ryan. We had 1st period together which happened to be orchestra class. We had a concert coming up, and we were holding class in the auditorium that day to do a practice run-through. While everyone else was getting their instruments ready, he pulled me back stage and said he had to talk to me. My insides were doing flips. He wouldn't break up with me, would he? I was so nervous, I thought I was going to be sick. What did he want to talk about? This can't be good!

Once we got back stage I whispered, "What did you need to talk about?"

He said nothing. He simply cupped my face gently in his hands, and leaned down and gave me the most perfect kiss ever. It was soft and sweet at first, then he added in tongue. And it was perfect! Not slobbery, or messy, or even awkward! I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but it didn't matter because it just worked. It was absolutely amazing. While he was kissing me, it felt like I was watching a cheesy romance movie. Everything happened in slow motion. I will remember that kiss for the rest of my life. The rest of the day I was literally walking on air. I had a huge smile on my face and NOTHING could ruin my good mood.

I was in love. And I just had my first kiss. My first, amazing kiss. And it was gooooood!

And to this day, Ryan was the best damn kisser I've ever had. Ever. I could make out with that boy for HOURS. (And we did, in fact. I remember having chapped lips numerous times even after the obsessive chap stick applications!) Maybe my memories are so good because I really didn't know any different. He was the only person I'd kissed at that point. But it doesn't matter because I wouldn't trade the memory of a perfect first kiss for anything.

Thank you, Ryan. Wherever you are.

Oh, P.S. Ryan has a sister the same age as my little sister. And they are graduating from the same high school this spring. Maybe I will run into him?! Hmmm...