Our weekend

Our weekend started off on a bad note. Friday night Tom called his brother because we needed some info from his passport for our travel agent. I told Tom to remind his brother that he NEEDS to buy some dress clothes. His brother was refusing to buy dress clothes even though the resort has a mandatory dress code! If he didn't dress up he wouldn't be allowed into the restaurant for our wedding dinner/reception! So anyway, Tom told him that he really needs to suck it up and buy some clothes. His brother finally agreed and stopped being an ass about it.

BUT...

He also said that he will only have $500 and not the $700 he still owes. Tom said no problem and I flipped out. I can't believe he is taking MORE money from us. Back when we first got engaged we told his brother that we would give him $500 to help cover the flight cost. That left him with $1,000 he had to pay. But then when it came time for the downpayment, he magically didn't have the money (He had it. His dad just gave each kid $5,000 for Christmas!!!) So we had to pay his $400 downpayment as well. Then we had to pay his $130 for the charter fishing trip we are taking down there. And now he wants ANOTHER $200?!?! I just don't get it. It's NOT FAIR! We told him we would give him $500 and now we have paid $1200! WTF is that?! And of course Tom won't stand up to him because he really wants his brother there. I am livid with his brother. It's not like we have the money either. That money we have to give him is coming out of our trip fund! To Tom it's "just another $200" but I'm looking at the big picture where that brings our total up to $1200 when we agreed on $500. I can tell you one thing, that deadbeat won't be getting any nice presents from me for the rest of his life. And of course he won't pay us back either. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Tom's family. Seriously, the ONLY one in that family that is a decent human being is his mother. At least I will have a great mother-in-law. All the rest of them I would be happy never having to see them for the rest of my life.

Moving on... On Saturday we went to Target and registered for some things. The ladies I work with are throwing me a shower in November and they kept bugging me to register. It was actually harder than I thought it would be! We only have 22 things on there. If we were having a traditional wedding with 150 people there would be no way we could find enough stuff to register for!

I had off from work yesterday so I did some cleaning around the house and raked some leaves. It felt good to get the house clean because it has been a mess for awhile now. Then we went to city hall and the post office and sent off our documents to Jamaica to apply for our marriage license! Hopefully it will get there early next week and everything can get approved and ready to go! We're getting so close!

Dress Fitting

I just scheduled my first dress fitting. It's exactly 2 weeks from today. Which means I can't eat anything but carrots and green beans for the next two weeks. Ha ha! I don't know why but I am SO nervous to do my dress fittings. It seriously gives me a panic attack just thinking about it! I finally called and scheduled it today because I'm really starting to run out of time! And of course I'm a stress eater and that is the total opposite of what I need right now. And to top it off, one of my friends made me a mini "better-than-sex" cake. So I have that delicious thing sitting at home tempting me. UGH.

I also heard back and we can't have a private dinner reception that night because it's a holiday. However, they aren't going to make us eat at the crummy buffet (which I was REALLY worried about.) and they will make a reservation for us at their Italian restaurant. It's the nicer one and they have a dress code. I can handle that. I just couldn't imagine having to walk around the buffet with my wedding dress! Ew!

Packing list

 FYI: may be TMI

There are several things I need to make sure are on my packing list for Jamaica. There is the obvious, wedding dress, sunscreen, swim suits, etc. But as I learned today I need to make sure I bring some UTI meds. UGH! 

I get UTI infections A LOT. They are also very severe. It is so annoying and painful! I do everything they say to do to try and avoid them (which has helped some) but I always get a handful of them every year without fail. I wish there was something I could do to fix the problem, but I can't. My doctor said I am just prone to them. Some women are and some aren't.

So after being in extreme pain all day I had to leave work early and go home. And it reminded me to make sure 1,000% I bring those meds with because if this happened there it would ruin the entire trip until I felt better. I pee literally every 5-10 minutes. Can you imagine me at the altar trying to get hitched but needing a pee break every 5-10 minutes?! nice.

Randoms

I have a couple random things to blog about tonight...

1. My brother texted me and apologized for telling me to go f*ck myself. I thanked him for the apology and left it at that. I still don't know if he's coming to my wedding, but it's too raw to talk to him yet.

2. All this stress had brought on the stress binge eating for me. I knew what was happening and why but I couldn't stop it for 3 days. I gained about 1-2 pounds from it. (literally, I consumed an extra 4,000 calories over my daily limit over those three days.) I'm really scared that I will have to deal with this forever. However, good news is I stopped it after three days. I was back on track today and got in a workout. It was a minor set back but gaining one pound won't kill me. I'll have it gone by Friday. 

3. I had a dream last night that Tom was gay. We were already married and super happy. I was heartbroken. He wanted to stay married to me though. He said he loved me and he was happily married, but he needed me to know the truth that he was gay. I was debating if I wanted to break up my marriage or not. I woke up before I found out what my decision was. Weird. (No, I do not think Tom is gay in ANY way.)

 4. I ordered vintage hankies from etsy for my mom, grandma, mother-in-law, and myself. I got the pics today (see below) and I can't wait to give them to them at the wedding. I really think they will like them. :)

Bridal Meltdown

I've had a few meltdowns over my wedding so far. (Mainly over the whole drama with Sis-in-law and how much of a b*tch she is.) But I had another one today.

My brother has a long history of depression/ suicide attempts. He has also been acting like a giant ass hole to everyone in my family lately. No one can stand him! He's a totally different person. He's been such an ass hole to me that I told him I would only pay for his flight if he apologized to me, His response? "Go f*ck yourself. I'm not going to your wedding. "

Lovely.

Then that night he cut himself and landed in the hospital --AGAIN. He has been putting my family through this song and dance over and over and over! He needs help but he REFUSES therapy and medication. There is nothing we can do to help him. My poor mom lives in fear about when the next phone call will come. Because it ALWAYS does. So we have to go through that again...

I'm done with him. I can't stand him. He refuses to get help, shits all over everyone and basically treats everyone like dirt. And telling me to go f*ck myself? I'm over him. I don't care if he is family. Unless he apologizes to me, I want nothing to do with him. He's ruining everyone else's lives too, not just his own. My mom can't even sleep without medication because she is so worried she will get a call about my brother. She lets him walk all over her. He's pathetic.

He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. Looks like I'll just have to go alone.

So on top of dealing with this drama--AGAIN-- My travel agent told me today that Delta cancelled our flights for the wedding. This was all it took for me to LOSE IT. I was trying not to start crying my eyes out at work. I e-mailed Tom about it and told him that I'm done with this wedding and I want to cancel it.

I'm half way serious. My engagement has NOT been happy. And it really doesn't seem worth it anymore. I can't handle all this stress and every thing going wrong. I still have 3 more months to go. Who knows how many more times my flight will get cancelled, or what else will go wrong!

Oh! I forgot! My wedding coordinator told me on Friday that we can't have a private dinner reception at the resort because it's NYE and it's not possible. So they expect me to walk around the buffet in my wedding dress on my WEDDING DAY?! Hell No. I WILL be a bridezilla.

Everything is falling apart and I don't know if I can keep it together.

Single digits--99 days!

We are down to 99 days left until the wedding! We started with 365 days, an entire YEAR and somehow we've already lost 266 of those days?! holy cow! And I know the next 99 will go even faster than the rest! I'm already shocked that it will be October in a week!

I also have to get my dress in for my fittings soon. I keep putting it off. For some reason I'm "scared" to get my dress fitted because that makes it so "Real" and that scares me. Oh well, It will have to be done in about another month or so like it or not.

I also got our sand ceremony kit yesterday and I love it. (picture below.) I don't have a lot of things left to do. Almost everything is done. Which is both good and bad. I'm reeeeeally nervous to get married. It's only getting worse the closer the wedding gets. However, I only get to be engaged for so long. I only get to be a bride planning her wedding once. So I'm really trying to enjoy it before it's all over!

I don't know how to flirt

Apparently flirting is a skill where "you use it or you lose it" comes into play.

I've been with Tom a little over 4 years. I have no reason to flirt with someone. (not that it happens all the time anyway. I'm usually with Tom when I go out.)

Yesterday on the shuttle after work (we have to park off campus) this guy was flirting and laying it on thick! I was so embarrassed and it was so awkward! I didn't know what to do! (he couldn't see my engagement ring. I had too much stuff in my hands.) I just kinda fumbled my words around like an idiot! Doh! It was hard knowing how to act? I didn't want to be too friendly or flirty back (I am engaged after all) but I didn't want to be cold and/or rude to the guy either. (and yes, he was tall and cute! *sigh*)

after the chit chat and the LONGEST shuttle ride ever I got off. He waved as he walked to his car and said. "Have a good night, hope to see you around."

Oh boy.

I work at a hospital, there's tons of employees. But now I have to avoid this guy when I see him. Haha!

At least I know I've still got it! ;)