Thursday, April 30, 2009

Divorce

First of all, Kelso is getting better. Looks like it was some sort of nasty kitty cold? Anyway, all is well. :)

Yesterday one of my friends (J) e-mailed me that she was having problems with her husband and she was considering divorce as one of her many options. She hasn't slept with him in 3 months, she is bitter and is starting to resent him. But she is (obviously) scared to end the marriage. It's a huge deal! She doesn't want to lose his family, she has two young kids, and they planned to have a third child eventually.

They are barely scraping by financially. She has a decent job, but he doesn't make that much working at a gas station, she it's not like she would get very much child support either. If she can't even make it now on two salaries, how is she going to make it on hers alone?

Obviously, if she is that unhappy, she should leave him. But she felt this way over two years ago as well. I remember her telling me the same story...until he decided they could try for another child. Then all was well while they tried to get pregnant and for a while after the baby was born. Now she feels the same way again---except she said she is thinking about staying until they have one more kid. WHAT?!

I'm trying to be supportive of her, but that is crazy! Another one of her ideas was to have an open marriage...I don't see that going well either. I told her she needs to have a honest conversation with him this weekend and tell him how unhappy she is.

(I know divorce is common...but I'm not even 24 yet (I have until Monday!!) and this is the second friend of mine to think about divorce. The other couple IS getting divorced. She's moving out in May. It's all kind of scary. )

Granted, J and her husband got engaged/married early on in their relationship. She feels like they got swept up and didn't really get to know each other. She also admitted she felt she would never do any better, so she married him. My bf (Tom) and I have been together almost 3 years, and have lived together for 2. We aren't even engaged yet, but I know it's coming soon. But I don't think that makes us safe either. Divorce can happen to anyone. :( And I don't know what to do NOW so that I don't end up divorced down the road. I know you can't plan for those type of things...but I wish there was a way to really KNOW I was making the right decisions in life...

1 comment:

Andy said...

Giving this kind of advice is always rough. Mainly because it's not a simple bf/gf relationship, but a MARRIAGE, that involves CHILDREN.

I wish her the best of lucks!