Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Movement!

I'm 21 weeks and can finally feel baby girl move around in there! It's not very strong yet, and it doesn't happen very often, but it's a great feeling. When I start to feel her kick I'll stop what I'm doing and just feel for her with my hand on my belly. Tom can't wait to be able to feel her too. He's getting very excited now that I'm showing (pic tomorrow) and she's moving. :)

I'm starting to feel a little more prepared for her arrival. I know we still have 4 months, but I like things done in advance. ;) I've been buying things we need here and there as they go on sale and I have a list of things we still need. It's nice to cross things off the list as I get them. It's been hard not to buy any clothes, but I know that's what most people are going to give as gifts, and I don't want a bunch of outfits she will outgrow before she gets to them, so I'm holding off for now.

Hearing all the stories about other people visiting Santa and getting ready for Christmas has me really excited for Christmas next year. I can't wait to play Santa and experience the holidays through the eyes of a child again. It's going to be so much fun!


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

IT'S A GIRL!

Looks like it's team pink for us! She was very shy, but healthy! I also have an anterior placenta (which I figured since I haven't felt any movement yet.)

...She will never have a name though. I have literally gone through THOUSANDS of names. And Tom doesn't like a single name I like, and I don't like any of the names he likes. We can't even come close to agreeing on anything. I am so sick of looking at names. :(

Other than that, I'm slacking on the belly pictures and need to get on that since I'm already half way done! I can't believe how fast time is moving along!


Thursday, October 20, 2011

Cancer

My mother-in-law has cancer. Tom found out last night. I guess it's on her lip/mouth. They did a small biopsy that showed it was cancerous, but they don't know if it's just skin cancer, or another form that has spread.

Obviously all cancer is bad, but right now we are hoping for skin cancer. That will be a much easier road that any other form of cancer. She is having surgery on Halloween to remove all of it and they won't know exactly what type of cancer it is until a week or so later.

I know Tom is nervous, but his dad also had skin cancer years ago. They cut it all out and he has been fine. So I know he is assuming the same thing is going to happen to his mom. And I hope so too.


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

3 weeks, 2 days

I only have 3 weeks & 2 days left until we find out if we are on team pink or blue. It feels so far away, but yet I can't believe I'm so close to being half way done with this pregnancy already!

I was thinking yesterday about how I am rushing this pregnancy. I couldn't wait for my first OB appt, couldn't wait until I was out of the 1st trimester, I can't wait for my scan, etc etc. I need to slow down and stop rushing it. I feel beyond lucky that I was able to get pregnant easily and have had a pretty good pregnancy so far. These next 3 weeks will be the last 3 weeks of my entire life where I am wondering if my first child will be a boy or a girl. I will never have this time back. (and just writing this is making me tear up!)  I need to stop wishing the time away and enjoy the here and now. The baby will be here in the blink of an eye. No need to make it come faster than it already is.

I think my hormones have kicked in because I am seriously sitting here trying not to cry because in 3 weeks I will know the sex of my baby. I'm officially crazy.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Daycare vs SAHM

So I started looking into daycare. Without my income things are going to be very, very tight. So I figured I would keep working at least part time.

Um, it's not going to happen. I've e-mailed and price checked a ton of daycares around our house. (both centers and in-home.) Most were out of our price range (Um, $325 per week?! No way.) All of the ones in our price range are booked until 2013 (or about 2 years from now) and have a long waiting list already in case a spot opens up.

So let me get this straight...I was supposed to get on the waiting list for daycare about 2 years before my baby is actually born? How is this possible?!

The daycare we can afford is full. The daycares with openings are too expensive. I'm 99% sure I'm going to stay-at-home. It's not the end of the world, who wouldn't want to stay with their baby? But I'm really nervous because money is going to be really, really tight. We are going to have no extra "fun"money. Tom was really stressing about being the sole bread-winner. But since looking into daycare some more, he's come to accept the fact that we might have no choice.

If things get really bad I could always get a night/weekend job. But I think I would rather scrape by than go that route. I would never see Tom that way and I don't think that added stress will be good for our marriage on top of a newborn.

I've recently picked up more shifts at work now in order to save up as much as I can before April. I just hope it's enough. I'm not anti-welfare at all. It is there for people in need, which was my own mother after she got divorced. We truly needed help. But it does get abused and it makes me mad that we are struggling to have ONE baby when we are responsible, working adults when there are people who have 4, 5, 6 babies and don't have to pay anything for them.

Rant over. :(


Monday, October 10, 2011

Hypoglycemia

A few times earlier in my pregnancy I would have little episodes where I got kind of dizzy & felt like I might pass out. I ate something or drank some juice and felt better. It was never really bad, just slightly annoying.

However, the past few days it has been happening every single morning and it has been bad. It even happens if I eat breakfast (but it's worse if I haven't eaten anything yet.) This morning was so bad I was late to work. It hit me like a truck. All of a sudden I got really hot & sweaty, my heart was pounding, I was nauseous, dizzy, and felt like I was going to pass out. My legs were so weak I couldn't even stand. It was pretty scary. I drank a bunch of apple juice and sat down for a bit and it passed. I figured I better call my doctor because I was worried about diabetes.

The nurse I talked to said it is definetly a blood sugar issue. She said I need to increase the frequency of my meals and change what I'm eating. They want me eating before I even get out of bed. They want me to eat every 2 hours. I have to eat like I'm diabetic. Mainly focusing on getting more protein. (and of course avoiding sugar)

While this problem is better than having high blood sugar (where I would have to monitor my levels daily and possibly be on insulin!) It still sucks that I have to deal with this. My doctor thinks it can be taken care of with diet, and I hope so. They want me to make sure I'm getting enough calories. (which I'm sure I am.) I'm eating when I'm hungry, I'm not eating a perfect diet, but I'm not eating total crap either. So I guess I'm a little shocked that I have to deal with this.

I guess I'm going to the grocery store tonight after work and getting some extra eggs, cheese & nuts! Meat is an aversion I have so I have to look at getting protein from other sources.

It's amazing what having your blood sugar be off (even slightly) can do to you. It was a really scary morning feeling so sick and weak. At least it seems to be a pretty easy fix! (and my fingers are crossed that I don't get full blown G.D.)




Wednesday, October 5, 2011

14 weeks

I had my 2nd appt yesterday at 14 weeks. I was nervous because my last appt was a month ago and I know a lot can change in a month (especially during 1st tri!) But I went in and they found the heartbeat right away. I'm also in the 2nd tri now so I'm starting to relax and become excited. My baby is due in less than 6 months--wow! I can't believe it! I've gained about 7lbs so far. I'm also starting to gain a pound a week. Which freaked me out at first, but I did the math and even if I keep gaining 1lb a week I will gain about 32-33lbs by the end. Although I would prefer to gain only 25, I'm ok with 30.

I'm also having a ton of cramping. It started a couple days ago. I guess it's round ligament pain (or just normal stretching) It doesn't hurt, it's just uncomfortable.

I'm also measuring slightly over a week ahead. I know my dates are 100% because I was charting. But my OB said if I'm still measuring over a week ahead at my A/S next month they will change my due date. I am SO EXCITED for our scan. Only 5 weeks and 2 days to go!

14 weeks

Last week my mom came down and wanted to go crib shopping. I know it's early but she was so excited! We got a good deal on the Simmons Summer Harvest. (pictured below) So I guess we can cross that off our list!



Monday, September 26, 2011

Our first appt

(So I know this is a little late because I went to my first appt 3 weeks ago now.)

We went to our first OB appt when I was 10 weeks. I had Tom go with because I knew they were going to check for a heartbeat and I needed him there in case something was wrong. I was super nervous. I just wanted some proof that I was pregnant and that there was a baby in there. (No, the 7 positive pregnancy tests weren't enough "proof" to me that I was actually pregnant!)

So we get there and they go over my paperwork, and do a little talking. Then they have me gown up and they pull out the doppler. She was searching all over and couldn't find a heartbeat. She must have been trying for 10 minutes. I started to get really nervous. She said that she was going to grab the ultrasound machine really quick to determine viability. (yikes) As soon as she walked out of the room Tom turned to me and said, "Uh oh."

Thankfully as soon as they turned the machine on, a little baby blob showed up and I saw the little heart flicker. It was a huge relief. The baby was measuring a week ahead, but they kept my due date the same. The baby was also moving around which was crazy because it felt surreal that there was actually a baby moving around inside of me!

We left feeling relieved that everything was on track. And Tom promptly spilled the beans to a bunch of people! Almost everyone we see on a regular basis knows we are pregnant now. We are waiting to tell Facebook until after my appt next week. I want to hear the heartbeat and make it to 14weeks before we are out to the entire world.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

12 weeks

 Below is my 11 & 12 week bump pics. I didn't feel like there was much of a difference from last week to this week...but seeing it side-by-side I can tell a difference for sure!

11 weeks                                                                          12 weeks


Monday, September 19, 2011

Updates

So...it's been awhile. To be fair, in my last post I did say how busy I was going to be. Although I think my lack of blogging has been from tiredness/laziness. I will post my first official bump pic and my 12 week update tomorrow. (Yeah...all the way to 12 weeks now! How did that happen?!)

I guess I need to update on what we've been up to the past month... I'm going to start with how we told our families the big news.

First the story about how we told my family (except my brother, who wasn't there.) My little sister was going to come stay with us for a week so we went up there to pick her up. My mom needed to look through our wedding pictures because she hasn't ordered her pictures yet (8 months later...) So I printed off a picture of the digital test and the word "pregnant" and stuck it in the middle of the album. So her and my sister are paging through the album, commenting on the pictures and marking which ones they want to order. Finally they get to the "speical" page...

Sister,"What's that?!" --points to pic of test

Mom, "I don't know. What is that? It looks like a pregnancy test? What is that doing in here?"

* They are both in complete denial*

Mom asks again, "How did this get in there?"

Me, "I'm pregnant."

Mom & sister, "NO YOU'RE NOT! OMG, NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE LIEING! SCREAMS. OMG"

Me, "Yes, I am pregnant."

Mom, "No you're not! Are you? NO WAY! more screaming & lots of crying..."

...Needless to say that was a lot of fun and my family is excited!

So since my brother wasn't there, we made them keep it a secret so we could tell him in person. I told my brother that we were coming up to see Tom's family and I wanted to meet for lunch. So we get there and talk for a bit and order some food. After awhile I told him that I have an early birthday present for him. I pull out this... 






He grabbed the blank side first, so it took him a second to turn it around and read what it said. Once he got it he got a little smirk on his face and looked at me with tears in his eyes. I'll never forget the look on his face. My macho, 19 year old brother, tearing up when he found out he was going to be an uncle. It was great. :)

I'm not going to waste much time on the reaction we got from the in-laws, because of course it sucked and Tom's still hurt by it. Not even his mom (who we though FOR SURE would be beyond excited) seemed very un-excited. She was happy, I guess. But it was very luke-warm. Considering she only has 1 grandchild and that grandchild lives in Texas (we're in Minnesota) you would think she would be happy to have one in the same state? I don't get it. Tom's brother never said one word, Not even a fake congrats. Tom's dad asked why we didn't wait longer, and that he thought Tom was too young. (Um, he's THIRTY!) He also asked Tom if he was happy to be having a baby. Tom said, "Of course, this baby was planned--by the both of us. We wanted this." What a loser. :/

Anyway, I promise I will update more. I'm starting to feel better and I want to document my pregnancy now that I actually feel (and am starting to look! eek!) pregnant!


Thursday, August 11, 2011

How I'm feeling

I'm a little over 6 weeks and the nausea and EXHAUSTION started a couple days ago. So far I haven't gotten physically sick, but I feel like I have the flu 24/7. By the time I get home from work (my job is not tough) I am too tired to do anything. Cooking dinner or unloading the dishwasher wipes me out for the night. The biggest thing I'm dealing with is never being hungry. I have no appetite and all food makes me feel gross. I have to force myself to eat but yet I look so bloated you would think I've been eating pizza & beer for dinner every night! I've had some cramping (mainly weeks 4-5) but it's starting to fade away now. I don't have my first appointment until I'm 10 weeks...so I still have another month to wait! :( Hopefully we will hear the heartbeat then and we can relax a little bit.

We have such a busy month, I don't know how we are going to finish everything! We have to go 3 hours away to see Tom's family this weekend, we have to finish painting the outside of our house, go to a friend's wedding reception next weekend, we needs to put new trim up in the kitchen, clean our house...Oh, and I'm planning a big party for Tom's 30th birthday in two weeks! I have NOTHING started yet. No food/cake ordered. No decorations. Nothing. I had grand plans for this party. Somehow, I don't think everything I wanted to do is actually going to get done...




Wednesday, July 27, 2011

3rd time was a charm!

 This is the story about how I found out I AM PREGNANT in a campground bathroom. Oh yes...

This past weekend we went camping with a couple of our friends. I took a pregnancy test before we left even though I knew it was too early (only 9DPO) Of course it was negative. I wasn't too upset, because even though our timing was 100% perfect this month, I had a (TMI) horrible yeast infection right around/after O time so I thought we were out. 

We headed out camping and had a great time. It was a nice campground. They even had a mini golf course and a creek with a wicked current that you can float down with your tube (and beer of course!)

 

On Saturday morning (11DPO) I decided to take another test. I brought one with because we were doing a lot of wine tasting that day. I know drinking in early pregnancy (especially BEFORE I even miss my period won't harm the baby...but I wanted to know.) So I went off to take a shower at 6:30 am when everyone else was still sleeping. I took the test (in a campground bathroom! lol!) almost right away there was a faint line. I was in shock and decided to jump in the shower because I couldn't sit there and wait the 2 minutes for the test to fully develop. I was a shaking mess! After I put shampoo in my hair I actually dumped body wash in my hair instead of conditioner! After my shower I picked up the test and there was no mistaking that there was a 2nd line there. It was pretty light, but I know that "a line is a line." I've taken lots of pregnancy tests and I have NEVER seen a 2nd line. So I was pretty sure I was pregnant. I started crying, and thankfully no one else was in there with me. 

I went back down to our tent and woke up Tom. I leaned over and said "Our baby has already gone on his first beer tour. " (We had toured a brewery the day before.) And he laughed and told me "No he didn't. You're not pregnant."
Me: "Yes I am"
Him "No your not."
Me "YES I AM."
Him "How do you know"
Me "I took a test"
He then asks to see the test...
Him " It's too light. It's not as dark as the other line. It must be negative."
I grab my iphone (Thank goodness for the iphone!) and google "faint positives" and "a line is a line." 

He finally believes me.

We went home the next day and I took a couple more tests right away to confirm. We are cautiously optimistic. Tom is BEYOND excited. He is always rubbing my tummy. (Which is nothing but bloat at this point!) He makes sure I am eating and feeling well. He asks me multiple times a day if he can tell someone yet. (and I keep telling him it's too early!) It's starting to sink in and feel more & more real. My EDD: is 04/03/2012. I guess God knew to wait until I was ready. This was the first month I didn't feel nervous, and we got our BFP! I'm praying that everything goes well and this is a sticky baby! 

Adding the normal disclaimer: if you are my FB friend (or you are a lurker and know me?) Please don't say anything. It's way too soon. Thanks! 





Monday, July 11, 2011

I finally get it

So this is our 3rd month TTC. At first, Tom was the one who was ready, and it was his idea to start trying earlier than we planned. I was so nervous & scared...and not sure I was ready. 

I AM SO READY NOW!

I don't know what changed, maybe I just needed a few months to get used to the idea. But I have NEVER had baby fever like this! It's literally in the back on my mind 24/7. I desperately want a BFP this month and for once, I think a BFN would really sting. The past couple didn't bother me...but I know this month will be a different story.I finally "get it." The desire for a baby, for a family. I never REALLY felt that urge before. And man, did it ever come full force! 


Thankfully we've been really busy with BBQ'S, spending time with our friends, wine festivals(!!), and camping. But the desire to have a tiny baby is still there. 


I'm ready. And I can say that for sure now. I don't think I was meant to get pregnant right away because I wasn't really ready. Well, now I am so bring on the BFP! ;)


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

3rd time's a charm?

We're starting our 3rd cycle of TTC now. I can't believe we are starting our 3rd month already! It feels like we just started! But in any case, I still feel really hopeful about it. My body has had a couple months to regulate (and things seem to be going well) so now we can get serious about it ;)

We have been keeping busy as well. We are still working on painting the house. We've had a lot of rain every weekend and have been unable to finish. We also planted a herb garden and cut down a tree in our backyard.

We've gone to a bunch of garage sales & found some little treasures. We've also done a lot of hanging out with friends, grilling & have drank our fair share of margaritas ;) I guess it's been a pretty good summer so far! I think having the nice weather and a bunch of house projects to do have kept my mind off TTC for a bit. Hopefully we are pregnant before this winter when I have nothing better to do but worry about it! ha!

Hopefully our 3rd time will be the charm!


Friday, June 17, 2011

5 years!

5 years ago today Tom & I went on our first date! We met at a bar and he bought me a couple drinks. Then we spent the rest of the night/early morning taking a long walk and talking/getting to know each other. In no way did I think he would be the man I married, but I'm glad he was. :)

He got me a cute card & a bunch of candy. Not good for the tummy size, but it was very sweet.

Tonight we are going out to dinner and maybe a local happy hour after. It's only fitting to have a drink in a bar to celebrate, considering that's where we met. ;)

Thursday, June 16, 2011

No Bueno

Guys, TTC is not fun. I'm pretty sure we have a 1% chance of getting pregnant this month.

I can't bring myself to write about this even though I have a feeling it's really common...

So we need to figure out how to fix this problem, make TTC fun again, and move onto next month's cycle.

Not much else is new. One of our friends, who are going to be TTC in August, came over last weekend. They asked me if I would seriously be open to watching their future baby for them. We have talked about it before, in a half serious/half joking manner. Well, I know they are actually serious about it. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I guess it all depends on when we both get pregnant. I'm not sure I can handle 2 newborns at once as a first time mom. But we'll see. It's something to think about...


Friday, June 10, 2011

Feeling like a teenager

And NOT in a good way! Last month was my first month off the pill. I was prepared for all the side effects that came alone with it. Except...nothing happened. I didn't break out, I didn't gain weight, my PMS was only slightly worse, I had a perfectly normal cycle, etc etc.

HAHAHAHA. Apparently my body just needed a month to get into a groove because now that we're in month #2 my face is HORRIBLE! I feel like a teenager again! I had horrible acne when I was younger and thankfully going on the pill helped a lot. I'm using all the drug store washes but nothing is working. :( I hope this will even out soon because this is NO FUN!

I've also started gaining weight. Partly because I am starving all the time. My stomach will literally ache and grumble even after I've eaten dinner!

When I was younger, my Doctor thought I probably had PCOS. I had every single one of the symptoms. I'm worried that my first month off the pill was a fluke with my perfect, symptom-free cycle and now I'm getting into the "real" ones. I could go 3-4 months without a period, had horrible acne, was overweight, excess hair (omg yes I admit it!) I was really hopeful after last month...but now, not so much. :(

Anyway...any ideas on how to get my body back into control?! YIKES!


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Smurf Blue

Our house is now painted "smurf blue."Ha! ;) We got the majority of the house painted this weekend. We still have all the little detail/touch up work to do. The paint was a little brighter than we thought it would be, but it's MUCH better than the nasty grey the house was before. Let me tell you, painting a house is A LOT of work. Our next house better have maintence-free siding!

We went to a couple garage sales last Saturday. I bought a wood rocking chair. It was only $15 and in really good condition. I told Tom that I needed it to rock our baby to sleep...and he agreed...even though I'm NOT pregnant yet. So the chair is sitting in our guest room for now.

Not much else is new. I need to get back into working out because I have really slacked since the wedding. And recently I've been letting TTC get in the way. I tell myself "why bother when I could be pregnant anyway?" OBVIOUSLY that is not the right way to think because what if it takes us awhile? I can't skip working out for months and months. Plus I know pregnancy will be easier on my body if I'm in shape BEFORE. blah blah blah. I just don't like working out and I need to suck it up and stop with the excuses. :(


Friday, June 3, 2011

Jessica Graduated!

My youngest sister graduated last weekend. I'm really happy that she made it. There were times when we all thought she wouldn't make it so I'm proud that she got her diploma. My mom officially has all of her children grown up now. (although not all have left the "nest") Below are some pics from last Saturday.

My brother, sister, & me
                                                   
                                                   Jessica & Rex


                                                    The husband & Jessica


                                           Jessica & Miss Emma


This weekend my brother is coming down and we are going to paint the house & the garage. The paint on our house is so old & faded, it's about time for a paint job! The house is a blue/grey right now because it's so faded. We picked a new blue and it looks so bright--but I'm hoping that's just because I'm so used to faded paint. Either way, we have 10 gallons of the bright blue that we need to use so I hope my neighbors are ready for a bright, cheery house! Ha! ;)

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Robbery

Tom's dad was robbed this morning. He lives in a very small, safe town. I don't understand what is wrong with people. I guess the kid kicked in the door when his dad answered it. He threw him on the ground, punched him, and stole his wallet. Then he went and stole a few other things like some guns. I don't know the whole story but I guess the kid (high school aged) left a backpack there. Hopefully there is some sort of I.D in there so they can catch him. It makes me nervous because it goes to show you, you are never really 100% safe in your own home!

In baby news, I got a stark white BFN today and a huge temp drop. I think AF is on her way tomorrow. I know getting pregnant on the first try is rare, so I'm ok with it. I'm just really happy that I had a pretty regular cycle right away and it looks like I ovulated, so that's promising! Now I wish AF would just show up so we can get the show on the road to cycle #2!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

First 2WW

So if you are up to speed on the TTC lingo, I'm in my first "two week wait." I've been charting and fertility friend thinks I'm about 4DPO right now. I'm kinda shocked that I ovulated on day 11 or 12 of my cycle. Our timing wasn't perfect because I wasn't expecting to Ovulate so soon--but we do have a chance! I am spending so much time online looking at other people's charts & tests. I'm such a nerd and I think it's amazing what a little temperature can tell you! So far, my cycle is pretty normal. (knocks on wood.) This is my first one off birth control, so we'll see how they are from here on out. I'm already so excited to test but I have a ways to go until I can! :( Bummer.

When I was at Target last night I picked up a little something... A onesie that I'm going to give Tom when I'm pregnant. :) I know it might take us awhile to get pregnant, and I'm ok with that. But I figured I better have this on hand because once I get a positive test I won't wait until I go to the store to tell him, I'll be too excited!!

I can't figure out how to turn the picture around since I took it with my cell. Anyway, it says "I love my daddy." Even though it's upside down! haha!




Monday, May 9, 2011

In God's Hands

I was the one who kept asking Tom when he was going to propose. I was ready. I knew we were going to be together, it had been 3 years, etc etc. Once he did propose I was the one who got cold feet. I spent countless nights wondering if I was doing the right thing in getting married. I'm not good with huge life changing decisions. Even on my wedding day (!) I didn't know if I was doing the right thing.

Good thing that passed and I am 100% comfortable and I'm so glad I went through with it and I married him. But it seems the same thing is happening with the baby situation. We always talked about "when we have kids..." and it was always me who brought it up. I wanted to stop birth control right after the wedding...that is until it was actually time and I decided I needed a few more months and refilled my prescription. ha!

I've noticed Tom talking about babies/kids a lot recently. A LOT. He brings it up multiple times a day. He's now more excited than I am. Don't get me wrong, this is GREAT. Not all guys are so excited to be a dad. But it made me feel bad because I'm still not sure if I want to be a mom. And aren't women supposed to have a "baby gene" that makes them love all babies and just KNOW that they want one? I don't have one I guess...

So anyway on my birthday after a few drinks we started talking about the baby thing again. I only had a week of pills left and I was starting to freak out and I wanted to refill them for another 3 months. Tom told me that we just need to go for it. He told me we will never be ready. Then he asked why I don't think I'm ready. I told him I don't know how to be a mom. I don't like most kids. I don't have a mommy gene. I don't think I will make a good mom. I don't want a crummy kid. (hello serial killers were babies at one time, too!--am I the only crazy one who worries about having a serial killer child?!?!)I don't have a very good family. Neither does Tom. We don't really know what a good, loving family should be. We had bad childhoods. We both have some siblings we don't get along with. I'm just worried we won't have a happy family. And we ARE a happy family now, just the two of us. There is no guarantee what will happen once we have a baby. 

I got to "practice" being married before I was married. I got to date lots of men to find the one I liked the best. Tom & I even lived together before we were married. I got a practice run to make sure everything went smoothly. I found out I could handle it. With a baby, there is NO going back. I don't get a practice run. There is no backing out. This is for LIFE. This will sound bad, but nothing else is as permanent as a baby. Not even marriage. If I don't like being a mother, or I'm a bad mother, well...that's too bad. 

These are all the worst situations possible, obviously. I know once I have my own baby I will love it and I something will click and I will know how to be a mom. logically, I know this. But I'm scared. This is a HUGE step. Much bigger than buying a house and getting married. 

Thankfully Tom told me that I can't let our past hold us back. We both want a couple children and we are as ready as we ever will be. He told me to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and look at all the good that can come of it. And the thing that really stuck with me is when he said, "I want you to throw away your pills and I want to start trying now. I really want a little kid to call me dad. I can't wait!"

ohmygoshpullatmyheartstrings! so sweet! I realized I'm being silly. Yes I'm scared. But I need to jump in and just do it. And really, how can I say no after he says something so sweet? (Don't tell him I just told the entire world his little confession! ha!)

So I did just that. I threw away the pills. I didn't refill them. We are officially trying for a little baby G. It's in God's hands now. If we will make good parents, we will get pregnant. If I can handle it, it will happen.


Friday, May 6, 2011

26 candles!

It was my birthday on Wednesday. I'm now 26. I say I'm still in my mid-twenties but Tom says I'm now in my late twenties. I think I'm right and that's what I chose to believe! ha! ;)

When I woke up Tom gave me some pretty orange roses and a cute card. He also gave me a gift certificate for a local greenhouse. I was so excited! I've been wanting to fix up the front of our house ever since we moved in. But plants are so expensive! So I got lots of plants and flowers. Our house is going to be so pretty this year!! I got 4 hosta plants, two ferns, 3 hanging baskets, lots and LOTS of flowers, and a bunch of veggie plants (strawberries, tomato, pepper, corn, etc.)

We also went out to lunch. It is so nice to enjoy a lunch in the middle of the day on a Wednesday! (We even had a margarita! I felt like a rebel!) We also went out to dinner that night at Ichiban. It's a hibachi restaurant with the BEST food. I had the most delicious filet mignon & shrimp! It was so good! (Tom & I also had a long talk about the baby issue at dinner. But I'll get into that in a different post tomorrow!)

Tom & I both took Thursday off from work too. We got up and went out for coffee and hit up some garage sales. We both love garage sales. I know we probably spend a lot of money in gas, but it's so fun hunting for treasures! You never know what you will find. I didn't get anything but Tom found a lot of tools. Then we went out for lunch again and got some Mexican food & some more margaritas. It was Cinco De Mayo, we had to! ;)  Then we spent the rest of the night being lazy at home.

It was a great birthday and it was so fun to take a couple days off work to spend with Tom with nothing to do. We were able to relax and do whatever we wanted with the day, we didn't have to rush anywhere!

It is FINALLY sunny & warm here. (It's supposed to rain the next 7 days though...Boo!) So we are thinking about having some friends over & having a fire tonight. We will spend the rest of the weekend working on the house. (And I will be eating lots of veggies & water to give my body a break from the past 2 days, haha!)



Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Cupcake!

I got a big red velvet cupcake on my desk this morning. The post-it said it was from the "birthday fairy." I plan on eating this cupcake as my dinner. And I plan on washing it down with a glass (or two) of wine. Yes, this really will be my dinner. It's my birthday tomorrow and I plan on starting the celebrating tonight! I love birthdays and even though I'm not that young anymore (not that old either, I know!) I'm glad I still enjoy them and I'm not depressed about getting older (YET)

Both Tom & I took tomorrow off work (Thursday too!) We don't have anything planned except we are going out to dinner tomorrow night. I guess we will have to see how the weather is and where the day takes us!

P.S. I'm not sure I want a baby right now. The closer and closer I get to getting pregnant I start to freak out more and more. I talked to Tom about it last night but he is just so darn excited about having a baby he is hard to talk to. I'm a natural pessimist and I'm worried I won't be a good mom and I'm worried about the toll a baby will take on my marriage while he is so happy-go-lucky, always looking on the bright side. I guess that's why opposites attract and we're a good match?

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Spring?

It's May 1st. And it's 31 degrees out right now. It's supposed to snow tonight. It's so cold & depressing outside that I have spent (literally) ALL DAY with my butt on the couch watching the DIY network. I've been watching all these happy people work on their houses and build gardens, patios, etc etc etc. And I just sit on the couch because I refuse to put on my winter jacket in May. 

WHERE IS SPRING? We already had our garden & some plants outside by this time last year. :(

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Funk

I really hate this funk I've been in lately. I just have no energy for anything! I am tired 24/7. And I mean REALLY tired. I was shopping with Tom last weekend and I was just too tired to continue--what?! I had myself convinced I was pregnant (since I've heard extreme fatigue is an early sign. ) But I'm not. I have no idea what my deal is. I have to force myself to keep up on the housework & my workouts. Sometimes nothing works and I go to bed the minute I get home and just lay there and watch tv all night. I had some blood work drawn at my physical in Jan and everything was normal. Plus I take a prenatal vitamin every night and it has extra iron. I'm out of ideas. But I want to feel more like myself soon! I'm really hoping some sun & warm weather will help make me feel better. We're STILL getting snow. :( I just want some sun! (Oh, I take a vitD supplement too since we have no sun here it seems...)

Anyway, I guess there is no point to this post. Other than I have ideas for what to write but I'm too lazy to actually write them! Sigh...


Monday, April 18, 2011

Monday Random

It SNOWED here this weekend. And we are supposed to get up to 6 inches tonight. WTF Mother Nature. Not cool! I really need warmer weather. Tom and I are really considering a move to someplace warmer in a few years. I hate that we only have three warm months a year. It's so depressing!

We have been working on the house recently. We're hoping to get the kitchen done soon. We also put up a new garage door and we need to put up four new doors on the house too. The entire house needs to be painted, the screen porch needs all new screen and we need to gut and remodel the entire bathroom. And all of this needs to be done this summer. I'm going to be busy. Yikes!

Tom starts his new job today! I really hope he likes it! He works so hard and I want him to get the pay & respect he deserves. (Plus we need the extra income from this job in order for me to stay at home when we have a baby.) I think I was more nervous for him than he was this morning! I can't wait to hear how his first day went!

Monday, April 11, 2011

A decision was made...

We made a baby decision this weekend. I feel really calm now. I think before I felt anxious because of the "unknown." Well Tom and I were talking on Friday night. I told him that I really want to go off the pill when my next pack runs out. I told him I want to see of my body goes back to "normal" and if I have regular cycles. I said that means the birth control would be up to him at that point.

Instead he said we should just go for it and "whatever happens, happens." So I guess around Memorial Weekend we will be sort of TTC! Nobody in real life knows, and I want to keep it a secret. I don't want people asking me if I'm pregnant yet 24/7 in case it takes awhile.

This is happening sooner than we thought it would. But I feel excited and ready. We'll take it day-by-day and hopefully my body doesn't take too long to get back on a regular cycle.

Monday, April 4, 2011

New job = baby?

My husband has been looking for a new job ever since we came back from Jamaica. He got really serious about it after his job wanted to send him to California for 4+ months. Last week he got an offer & accepted. It is a little more pay, but has a lot of room to grow. (Plus it's a local company, there shouldn't be any extended trips to other states.) Our plan is to keep building up our savings, finish the kitchen remodel, and gut the entire bathroom as well. And we plan to have all of this finished by September. We're nuts.

We also plan on (maybe) trying for a baby this summer. We wanted Tom to get a new job first (and finish the kitchen/bathroom) before we started trying. Now that he has this new job it's becoming more real....

...Except somedays I DON'T want a baby right now. I think of all the things we can do in the next couple years that we couldn't do if we had a baby. We're not rich, but we're comfortable. That will all change with a baby. I like sleeping in and going to the store without 72 diapers and a diaper bag the size of a suitcase. Our life is pretty stress-free right now, and I like that.

And of course on the flip side every time I see a newborn my body physically aches and I want a baby RIGHT NOW. I want to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. I tell myself there will never be a perfect time for a baby. Tom will make an amazing dad and I can't wait to be a little family.

My emotions are driving me crazy! I'm currently in the "I want a baby" camp. But just last week I wanted to wait another couple years! I keep flip flopping what I want. I think the main thing is the unknown. I don't know how easy it will be to get pregnant, or if I will have a complicated pregnancy. What if a baby is really hard on our marriage and we end up resenting each other. What if I'm not cut out to be a mom, etc. None of my close friends had a planned pregnancy. They didn't have to deal with this struggle because the decision making was out of their hands. In some ways I wish we would have a surprise pregnancy so I know it's "meant to be" and it will stop my internal tug-of-war. Sigh.

Friday, April 1, 2011

One Love--TTD

Warning: This is a picture heavy post.

The day after the wedding we got up and met our photographer at 8am. The beach was empty because it was so early, thankfully. I knew I wanted a TTD (trash-the-dress) session ever since we picked a destination wedding. I am SO glad we did one! It was a lot of fun and we got some great pictures! And it didn't ruin my dress at all. I rinsed it off and it looked cleaner that it did before I went in the ocean! ;) I suggest everyone does a TTD or something similar.

(First 2 pictures are from the actual wedding day, then the rest are from the TTD)