Friday, October 30, 2009

I told you so...

I told Tom we were going to have to cut the counter top at an angle...He didn't believe me. His brother knows "everything", and said we would be fine.

We ran out of counter top. Why? Because we ended up having to cut it at an angle...

I told Tom when we bought this damn house that I wanted a new light in the dining room. He said we would have one before our housewarming party...on August 15th....

The old one is still there as we speak.

I said it would be nice to have a light above the entry way. There is still a gaping hole where the light should be.

I hate men. I want me house put back together ASAP! Honestly, having his brother do all the work was a bad idea. It did save us thousands of dollars in labor costs. However, our kitchen looks like CRAP-OLA right now! It would have been easier to hire someone and just have it DONE.

I hate men. I hate my house. Next time? We're buying a brand spakin' new house. I'm done with this renovation crap.

Never again...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

My Sister

I have two sisters. One is 16, one is 19. I also have a brother who is 18. They all have the same dad. (I have a different dad, but he was never in the picture. )The older one is Cassandra. We have never really been super close. But we're still sisters and we love each other, or so I thought.

I moved out of my mom's house when I was 16. We had a falling out of sorts. So I wasn't around as much as I could have been. But I still called Cassandra and e-mailed her all the time. I was always there for birthdays/Christmas, etc. As she got older, she started fighting with our mom over EVERYTHING. Truth be told, Cassandra is very moody. She thinks she is better than the rest of us. She is sooo much "smarter." (Even though I constantly remind her my ACT score was higher than hers!) She's into black, baggy clothes, anime, and stretching her earlobes. Total opposite of a girly girl. But we all grew used to her, that's just who she was. I guess she felt like she never fit in. But truth be told, she wasn't making much of an effort herself.

Her dad was never a part of her life. He and my mom divorced when I was in 3rd grade. He was supposed to take his kids every other weekend, for a couple months in the summer, holidays, etc. He never saw them. He claimed he couldn't afford to drive up and see them (2 hours away.) He's a total tool and I've always hated him. If you were a REAL man, you would find a way to make the 2 hour trip to see your kids. The younger two kids eventually learned to stop looking for love and support from their dad because they were tired of being let down. Cassandra kept hope and love alive for her dad. Her senior year of high school her dad started sending her money and gifts. He also got her a cell phone. (After the cell phone she had thru my mom got taken away because of bad behavior/bad grades. Nothing like going behind her back, huh?)

Even when my brother attempted suicide he never showed up until 2 days later. Nice, huh?

I always had a gut feeling once Cassandra graduated and went to college she would cut us out of her life. She blamed us for everything that went wrong in her life. But in her eyes, her dad and his family was perfect. It finally happened at my housewarming party of all places. I'd been telling Cassandra for months that she better be at my party. I mean, I only buy my first house once! She assured me she would be there numerous times. The morning of the party she showed up at my house at 8am. WTF? The party didn't start until 2pm! She told me that she only had an hour then she had to leave because her dad needed her help that day.

So, basically, she slapped me in my face and basically told me that I was not important enough. Being her sister and BUYING A HOUSE isn't as important as helping her dad clean his apartment?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

I told her to come back later that night when she was done "helping her dad." She showed up around 9pm. She asked my mom where her calculator was, if she found it after she moved out? Then she came up to me, gave me a hug, and stormed off.

That was the last time I saw my sister. The next day she blocked me from her facebook, changed her number and her e-mail. She sent me one last note that said as long as I have our mom and the other siblings in my life, she wanted nothing to do with me. If I wasn't on her dad's side, then I wasn't allowed in her life. She hasn't spoken to me, my mom, or anyone else on that side of the family since that August night. I was shocked at first, and obviously hurt. She is going to miss EVERYTHING. She won't be in my wedding, she won't meet my first child, won't be there when our grandma dies (who is in very bad health...) etc. I cried and was numb. I lost a sister. I had to grieve.

But now? Of course I'm sad she chose her pathetic, low-life, scum of a father over us. But at the same time, that was her choice. She is an adult. And apparently, she is nothing but a heartless bitch. F*ck her. I miss her everyday but if she is so cold to cut out everyone in the entire family then I'm not missing much. If she changes her mind, I'll welcome her back with open arms. But I am d-o-n-e being sad over someone who doesn't deserve it.

My mom asks me weekly if I've heard anything from Cassandra. Every week I have to tell her No and it breaks her heart a little bit more to realize her child cut her out of her life. For what?! Because they didn't get along when she was a teenager? PLEASE! I hated my mom when I was 16 too. I even moved out!! But you grow up, realize parents aren't perfect, and you move on. It's not like our mom was on drugs or hit us. She was a stressed out, single mom. I don't agree with everything she has done either. But at least she was THERE. And that's a hell of a lot more than I can say about her "father."

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Is it Friday yet?! I'm so excited for this weekend because it's Halloween!!! I LOVE Halloween. It's seriously one of my favorite times of the year! Last year a bunch of us all rented a party bus and took that around. I was little red riding hood & Tom was the big bad wolf! ;)

Halloween 2008

I'm not sure what we are going to do this year yet. Not a lot of our friends are going out this year. We might try to go out with another couple, or there is a house party we were invited to also. I'm not sure yet. I wish people were more into it this year like they were last year! Oh well. I am dressing up and doing something either way! This year I am going to be a sexy pirate! I'm pretty excited, I think it's going to look great! I still need to get some black boots to complete the outfit though.


Monday night was fun. We went out to dinner with my mom & sister. Then we came back and played on my wii fit for awhile. We also got our countertop in! It looks really pretty with the cabinet color. Tom's brother is coming down on Friday to install them and install the sink/dishwasher too! Yay! I haven't had a sink since July! It's about time!

P.S. Swing by
and check out her giveaway! (I'm hoping for some avon samples! I love Avon goodies!)

And check out
for a breast cancer themed giveaway!

Monday, October 26, 2009

Sexy Back

I hate Mondays. To overcome this, I had a pumpkin cappuccino for breakfast. :) Yum! I also got a call this morning saying my sister & mom are coming over right when I get off work tonight. They had to come down for my sister's dentist appt (3 hours away!) and they figured they would stop and have dinner with me. This means now I have to leave work at least an hour early in order to have enough time to clean my house before they get there. They need to think my house is ALWAYS clean & tidy! Grrrr to last minute notice!!!

I am super sore today! I got my treadmill put together on Saturday and I used it for 45mins both Saturday & Sunday. And today I can't walk without hip pain/soreness. Great. Maybe it's a good thing I have to take a night off due to the family coming over tonight. I will rest it and get back to the workouts tomorrow.

Working out again was great! I felt so strong and in control. I missed it! It also gives me a chance to clear my head and focus on my music and the beat of my feet. Are there songs that always remind you of a certain time in your life or a certain person?

The song "Sexy Back" (don't laugh, it's good for grooving on the treadmill!) always reminds me of the guy, Jordan. I met Jordan in the summer of 2006. It was 5 months after Brian and I broke up and shortly after I met my current boyfriend, Tom. (I was still dating around, and hadn't fully committed to Tom yet) Jordan was funny and soooo good looking! Dark hair and dark eyes...and he had a great personality. I always had fun with him. He was always telling me how beautiful he thought I was, and how amazing I was. He treated me like a princess.

He had a downside though. And I hate to admit this, but he was broke. He was a car mechanic still living with his parents. He was also very immature at times. He also had no plans on moving out of his parents house in the near future. I went back and forth hundreds of times. Do I pick Jordan or Tom? And when it came down to it, I didn't see a real future with Jordan. Tom was more stable, more "husband quality." Obviously the money thing wasn't the only thing that swayed my decision. But it was the biggest reason. Not that Tom is rich by any means, but at least he can take me out to dinner without me having to pay for it every time!

Every time I hear that song I wonder what happened to Jordan, if he's happy. When I picked Tom over him, he vowed to never speak to me again because I broke his heart. (Even though we went out for 2 months and I was never officially his g/f.) and I still wonder if he's still living with his mom and dad. Haha.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Blog Award

I got this blog award from Miss Northern Belle. She is a great fashionista with a pretty cute puppy! Thanks!

The rules:
1. Answer with 5 answers.
2. Tag 5 friends.

1). What were you doing 10 years ago?

-Was 14 and a freshmen in high school
-Started dating my first boyfriend
- Fell in love for the first time
- Was in the school musical
-Was getting horrible grades because I was too distracted ;)

2). What 5 things are on your to-do list for today:

-Clean my dirty house!
-Do laundry!
- Watch Desperate Housewives
-Watch Bridezillas ;)

3). Snacks you enjoy:
-Cheese Its
-Wheat thins
-ice cream

4). Places You've Lived:

-Minneapolis, MN
-Duluth, MN
-St. Cloud, MN
-Proctor, MN
-Cloquet, MN

5). What are 5 Things you would do if you were a billionaire?

-Buy tons of new clothes & a Coach purse!!!
-Sell our starter house & buy a new (bigger) one!
-Pay off all my bills, Tom's bills, and our families bills.
-Finally travel all over the world!
-Donate to cancer research & animal welfare organizations

I tag all my followers, all seven of you! :)

Friday, October 23, 2009


My treadmill got here today!! That beauty right there is my new Proform cardio tracker! :) I spent all night updating my ipod and Tom will be putting the treadmill together bright & early tomorrow morning! I can't wait! I really miss working out on a daily basis! (I know, weird right?)

Now I just have to get in shape again and pick out my very first 5k to run this spring!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

My "almost niece" (Tom's niece) Katie

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tom's promotion & sweater dresses

Tom got a small promotion yesterday. He also got a 4% raise. Which isn't much, but his company didn't give out any yearly pay raises this year, so it's better than nothing! He's deserved this promotion for awhile now, so I'm glad he finally got it! :) We will have to go out for a drink this weekend to celebrate!

In other exciting news, our counter top will arrive next week. And I ordered a treadmill and it will be delivered on Friday!! Yay! I haven't had a treadmill since we moved out of the apartment and I desperately need to get moving again!!

I am about 5 pounds away from my goal weight now. Maybe if I stop eating the nerds meant for trick-or-treaters I will get there a little sooner? Just a thought... This also means I have started buying clothes that I will wear for more than a few months. I am planing to stay at this size forever. (other than pregnancy, etc) I can get the pants on, and zip them. They just cause some major muffin-top. I will be wearing them soon. Actually having a treadmill so I can workout again will be major. I will post before & after pics once I can comfortably zip those goal pants for good. :) When I decided to lose weight, I was 185lbs at 5'7" (yikes!) My first goal weight was 155...then150...then 145...then 140...and finally 135-137. I feel like I've been trying to lose "the last 10 pounds" for a year--because I have! I kept lowering my goal weight so I always had "10 more" to lose! But I am finally happy with the 135-137 range and I can honestly say I only have 5 pounds to lose. Just 5 more. For real this time!!

Speaking of weight, I've always felt I was too heavy to wear form fitting, trendy clothes. I always stuck to the basics that covered/hid my belly & hips. I've been thinking about getting a sweater dress to wear with some leggings but I'm scared I will look dumb and /or my stomach will stick out, etc. Am I too old to wear a sweater dress & leggings?! (24) Am I too curvy? (size 8) Are they only built for size 2, 14 year olds? Opinions?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Dreading Monday

I hate Sunday night. All I can think about is going back to work tomorrow. Boo! This weekend was pretty low key. Went out to lunch, raked leaves, watched football. Oh, I tried the Blue Moon pumpkin ale & Bud Light Wheat. I really liked both! :)

Sunday night survey...

1. Where is your cell phone? Purse
2. Your hair? Dark
3. Your mother? Strong
4. Your father? Non-existent
5. Your favorite food? Pizza
6. Your dream last night? None
7. Your favorite drink? Wine
8. Your dream/goal? Stay-At-Home-Mom
9. What room are you in? Office
10. Your hobby? scrapbook
11. Your fear? death
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? Patient
15. Muffins? Pumpkin
16. Wish list item? ring
17. Where did you grow up? Minnesota
18. Last thing you did? Facebook
19. What are you wearing? pajamas
20. Your TV? Big
21. Your pets? Rex
22. Friends? Difficult
23. Your life? So-So
24. Your mood? lazy
25. Missing someone? Yes
26. Vehicle? Plymouth
27. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? Green
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? unknown
32. Your best friend? Tom
33. One place that I go to over and over? Work
34. One person who emails me regularly? Jessica
35. Favorite place to eat? Sunshine Factory

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Weird dream

I had a really weird dream last night. The worst part of it was how vivid and real it seemed. It started out with me being pregnant. I remember I was scared, but really happy. Then I remember getting this super cute bump, but I was full term and still only looked like I was maybe 6 months pregnant? I thought maybe something was wrong with the baby because I was so small still but everything checked out fine. I went into labor and went to the hospital with Tom and my mom and sisters joined me. I was already 8cm dilated when I got to the hospital (how detailed, right?) Anyway, my labor stalled and I didn't progress at all for hours and hours. Eventually I had the baby (naturally) but it was dead. A stillborn. I was in shock & denial. I said, "I was pregnant for 9 months, I am NOT leaving without a baby!" So I bought a cabbage patch doll from the store and dressed it up like a baby and put it in the stroller and everything! When I got home I threw the doll down and said that I didn't want a stupid doll, I wanted my baby! Then I started crying. No--I totally LOST it. I was bawling my eyes out, I was crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath. The grief I felt was unbearable. I couldn't believe my baby was dead. In the dream, I thought about ending my life because I felt dead inside already from the loss of this baby. I was a horrible mother for letting that happen!

Then I woke up?! I still felt awful. Obviously I knew it was a dream, but I felt like staying in bed and crying? That pain felt so real even though I was awake. It was crazy! I've never had a dream like that before. And I've never even been Yeah. Someone want to dissect that mess of a dream?! Haha!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Hello, SNOW!

I get that I live in Minnesota. It's my choice to live here when I know it's flipping cold and snowy. BUT I refuse to be okay with waking up to snow on October TENTH! It's waaaaay toooo early to be snowing and 25 degrees! :( Moving on...

I got this surv
ey from Chatty Nicoley

1. Your Favorite beverage:

2. Your hometown

3. Your favorite TV show

4. Your Occupation/You are in school for

5. Your first car

6. Your favorite dish

7. Celebrity you've been told to resemble

8. Celebrity on your "to do" list

9. Favorite Childhood toy

10. Any Random picture

This happens to be a sneak peek of our new cabinets! :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The one that got away

I've seen this topic going around as part of a writers workshop. And boy, do I have a story for you!

Brian & I

Brian & I met when I was a freshman in college. I was visiting a friend of mine 2 hours away and Brian was his roommate. It was literally love at first sight. I walked into my friends apartment and saw Brian and I felt hot from my head to my toes! I'm pretty sure I lost my breath too? Anyway, we both clicked right away and were hot & heavy right from the start. We were long distance for a few months. I drove 2 hours to see this boy EVERY weekend. He was 4 years older than me so when he finished college after a few months, he moved back home--which was actually the town I was living in. We moved in together. I fell harder and harder in love with him. We were a perfect fit. I remember laughing about nothing with him until the sun came up the next day! Anything was fun when he was around. We spent our days sleeping in late, exploring new restaurants, and just enjoying each other.

Here's part of an e-mail he sent me once....We were joking that S.print sent us a bill for 30 cents..."
Some day we won't have to worry about 30 cent bills, and we will be happier. For now, I will continue to live on the fact that I know I have you, and you love me. That's all that matters."

Later that fall, I quit my job because I was going to go back to school. I thought I had another one lined up that would work with my school schedule better, but it fell thru. I became jobless and depressed. Without a job, I couldn't afford school. I gaine
d weight and started to hate myself. And this is where it all goes south...

Money was tight. Brian blamed me. I felt like I was never good enough and nothing I did was going to be enough. I got another job, working at a nursing home where Brian's grandma was living. He said he was "embarrassed" to tell people what I did for a living. I told him I take care of his grandma, how can he be embarrassed of that? Either way, I couldn't live up to his standards.

I remember new years eve on 12-31-05. We toasted to "A brighter future--together. We would get through this rough patch and get our lives back on track." He promised to love me forever. I believed him. I was stupid.

A short 2 months later his phone went off in the middle of the night. I told him to answer it in case it was an emergency. He said no and went back to sleep. I was worried something was wrong so I checked the phone. It was Katy. His ex. I didn't think they talked anymore? He hadn't seen her in like 3 years? So why the phone call at 2am
? Come to find out, she had also graduated college and was back in town looking for a job. And they had been hanging out together. IN OUR APARTMENT! The month of February 2006 I'm not sure I was really alive. He hung out with Katy more and more leaving me home alone. He eventually told me he loved me but he thought he was also in love with her again. He left me alone on Valentines day. I asked him that night if he still loved me. He said he wasn't sure.

My world ended.

Literally everything I believed in, crumbled. The man I fell in love with, who was my best friend, the one person I thought I would be with forever, didn't love me anymore? How could that be? I didn't eat, didn't sleep. I remember being so tired and weak that I cried and cried in the shower one morning and couldn't get out. That pain I felt, I can't even describe it correctly. I honestly had a broken heart. It was physically painful.

Eventually Katy started e-mailing m
e. Telling me how Brian was going to leave me for her and how I was a horrible person and he deserved better. I still have those e-mails. I'm not sure why I kept them? Anyway, one day something clicked and I decided I couldn't live like this anymore. I called my mom and moved out of our apartment. From start to finish (I had nothing packed) within 4 hours. We also had 2 cats together. I took them both. :) Ha! He called me when he came home from work and all he said was, "I want my cat back." I guess I didn't mean much after all...

The next few months, I don't remember
much of. I went to work, and slept. I lost 40 pounds. 4 months after I left, I started to feel human again. I started dating (A LOT!) and eventually met Tom. I haven't talked to Brian since. Katy & him actually moved to South Carolina together. And guess what? He dumped her 2 weeks ago. Karma, bitch. KARMA. :)


I wrote before about Tom's ex fiance and how much he loved her...only to have her cheat on him with one of his friends. She broke his heart. She is to Tom what Brian is to me. We both have similar
stories about loving someone more than we thought possible only to get burned. She is still a part of his heart, just as Brian is a part of mine. And I hate that. I know I can't change the past...But life would be a lot easier if we both didn't have so much f*cking baggage seeping into our relationship.

Tom & Nikki--(He had a lot more hair back then)

There ya have it. The one(s) that got away! (Thank God!!)


Tom & ME! How it's supposed to be. :)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Damn Dog!

I realize my dog is still a "puppy" at 8 months old. But he is really a pain in the ass sometimes! Today takes the cake. I was sitting at the computer, getting ready to upload some pictures of our new kitchen cabinets that were installed today when I get a pop-up that said I had an unexplained power surge and I should unplug the USB cable. So I look down and see Rex chewing thru my frickin camera cord! My FORTY DOLLAR camera cord mind you! Ugh! I am pissed! But I can't get too mad at him because he is a puppy and I know puppies looooove to chew. Sigh.

This post was going to be about my new cabinets that were installed. But I guess Rex had other plans.

Best Buy, here I come!