Monday, April 12, 2010

Sis-in-law has won

Sort of anyway. So I left off when I sent the convo between myself and sis-in-law to Tom's brother. Apparently he said that he "saw her point that it wasn't fair of him to go on a trip without her." AKA "I don't have the balls to stand up to her." And told Tom we really needed to switch our wedding to MN if we wanted them there. (By this point there was no way I wanted either of them there, but it's Tom's brother so I can't pull my Bridezilla card on that one without being a complete B*tch myself...)

So off I went, I spent literally all day contacting vendors trying to find a date that was still available in Minnesota-- THIS SUMMER! Trying to plan an entire wedding in 3 months was giving me major anxiety. And I was really disappointed in Tom. He told me he needed his brother at his wedding. Ok...but when he is flat-out refusing to come to the wedding we planned, why change everything just for him? I get that he's your brother but my gosh! Not everyone in my family can make it to Jamaica either! My grandma is on oxygen and can't fly. And she is really important to me. But I felt like Tom didn't really care about that and basically wanted me to bend over backwards for his brother and his witch of a wife. I was not a happy person...

I found a Friday in July that was available. So I told Tom that we need to go to Michaels and get planning this wedding ASAP if he was SURE that's what he wanted. He told me he HAS to have his brother there, so yes, we had to change the entire wedding. (Yes, we could have waited until Summer 2011, but neither of us wanted to wait that long.) I told him that his sis-in-law needed to apologize to me ASAP or she will not be invited to our wedding, wherever and whenever it happens. So she sent me a half ass apology over text message and off we went to look at invitations and place cards, etc. After we got home Tom told me that "Maybe he does want the Jamaica wedding after all." WHAT?! He called his mom and talked to her for a couple hours! When he came back inside he told me that this is "our day" and if we want Jamaica, then we should have Jamaica. It's sad his brother won't be there but we shouldn't have to change our entire wedding to make him happy. (Hello! I've been telling you that for how long?!) Tom apologized for putting me through this mess, and for not listening to how I felt. I was so emotionally drained and pissed by that point that I made him sleep on the couch and think about what he REALLY wanted and I wanted a final, FINAL answer in the morning. He said he wanted Jamaica.

That was a week ago. And of today, he still says he wants Jamaica. Brother or no brother.

My nerves are so frazzled. I don't know what to think of this situation. It has caused some MAJOR drama between Tom & I. I felt like he wasn't standing up for me and what WE want for OUR wedding. He felt like I wasn't compromising in order to allow his brother to be there. (But is "compromising" totally changing your wedding? Compromise, yes. Change our entire wedding, no.)

I'm not even thinking about my wedding right now. The weather is warmer and we've been doing a lot of yard work to keep us busy. I think I'm 90% sure we will still go ahead with Jamaica. But I won't feel 100% until we book the entire trip. (Which should be soon)


veryanniemary said...

Take it from an old married woman. This is your day and you should have it your way- if you compromise too much, you will have nasty memories about your wedding day for the rest of your life. Deep breath - sort it out with Tom - come to an agreement that suits you two and go with it - brother or not. You will remember this - 'she' will probably not.

Whitney said...

Oh wow! I am sooo sorry that you had to deal with this and that Tom wasn't 100% supportive. How heartbreaking.

I believe what the lady above me said- it is YOUR day. Make yourself happy, who cares about the rest. If they wanted to be there, they would. She seems to just want to cause drama... eeek. Stay away! Your wedding will be better off without them.

Christina said...

Ahhh!! I would be frazzled too!

And all of this is the #1 reason why we got married, ALONE, at the courthouse. I hope you guys stick to having it in Jamaica and have tons of fun!