New job = baby?

My husband has been looking for a new job ever since we came back from Jamaica. He got really serious about it after his job wanted to send him to California for 4+ months. Last week he got an offer & accepted. It is a little more pay, but has a lot of room to grow. (Plus it's a local company, there shouldn't be any extended trips to other states.) Our plan is to keep building up our savings, finish the kitchen remodel, and gut the entire bathroom as well. And we plan to have all of this finished by September. We're nuts.

We also plan on (maybe) trying for a baby this summer. We wanted Tom to get a new job first (and finish the kitchen/bathroom) before we started trying. Now that he has this new job it's becoming more real....

...Except somedays I DON'T want a baby right now. I think of all the things we can do in the next couple years that we couldn't do if we had a baby. We're not rich, but we're comfortable. That will all change with a baby. I like sleeping in and going to the store without 72 diapers and a diaper bag the size of a suitcase. Our life is pretty stress-free right now, and I like that.

And of course on the flip side every time I see a newborn my body physically aches and I want a baby RIGHT NOW. I want to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. I tell myself there will never be a perfect time for a baby. Tom will make an amazing dad and I can't wait to be a little family.

My emotions are driving me crazy! I'm currently in the "I want a baby" camp. But just last week I wanted to wait another couple years! I keep flip flopping what I want. I think the main thing is the unknown. I don't know how easy it will be to get pregnant, or if I will have a complicated pregnancy. What if a baby is really hard on our marriage and we end up resenting each other. What if I'm not cut out to be a mom, etc. None of my close friends had a planned pregnancy. They didn't have to deal with this struggle because the decision making was out of their hands. In some ways I wish we would have a surprise pregnancy so I know it's "meant to be" and it will stop my internal tug-of-war. Sigh.