A decision was made...

We made a baby decision this weekend. I feel really calm now. I think before I felt anxious because of the "unknown." Well Tom and I were talking on Friday night. I told him that I really want to go off the pill when my next pack runs out. I told him I want to see of my body goes back to "normal" and if I have regular cycles. I said that means the birth control would be up to him at that point.

Instead he said we should just go for it and "whatever happens, happens." So I guess around Memorial Weekend we will be sort of TTC! Nobody in real life knows, and I want to keep it a secret. I don't want people asking me if I'm pregnant yet 24/7 in case it takes awhile.

This is happening sooner than we thought it would. But I feel excited and ready. We'll take it day-by-day and hopefully my body doesn't take too long to get back on a regular cycle.

New job = baby?

My husband has been looking for a new job ever since we came back from Jamaica. He got really serious about it after his job wanted to send him to California for 4+ months. Last week he got an offer & accepted. It is a little more pay, but has a lot of room to grow. (Plus it's a local company, there shouldn't be any extended trips to other states.) Our plan is to keep building up our savings, finish the kitchen remodel, and gut the entire bathroom as well. And we plan to have all of this finished by September. We're nuts.

We also plan on (maybe) trying for a baby this summer. We wanted Tom to get a new job first (and finish the kitchen/bathroom) before we started trying. Now that he has this new job it's becoming more real....

...Except somedays I DON'T want a baby right now. I think of all the things we can do in the next couple years that we couldn't do if we had a baby. We're not rich, but we're comfortable. That will all change with a baby. I like sleeping in and going to the store without 72 diapers and a diaper bag the size of a suitcase. Our life is pretty stress-free right now, and I like that.

And of course on the flip side every time I see a newborn my body physically aches and I want a baby RIGHT NOW. I want to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. I tell myself there will never be a perfect time for a baby. Tom will make an amazing dad and I can't wait to be a little family.

My emotions are driving me crazy! I'm currently in the "I want a baby" camp. But just last week I wanted to wait another couple years! I keep flip flopping what I want. I think the main thing is the unknown. I don't know how easy it will be to get pregnant, or if I will have a complicated pregnancy. What if a baby is really hard on our marriage and we end up resenting each other. What if I'm not cut out to be a mom, etc. None of my close friends had a planned pregnancy. They didn't have to deal with this struggle because the decision making was out of their hands. In some ways I wish we would have a surprise pregnancy so I know it's "meant to be" and it will stop my internal tug-of-war. Sigh.

One Love--TTD

Warning: This is a picture heavy post.

The day after the wedding we got up and met our photographer at 8am. The beach was empty because it was so early, thankfully. I knew I wanted a TTD (trash-the-dress) session ever since we picked a destination wedding. I am SO glad we did one! It was a lot of fun and we got some great pictures! And it didn't ruin my dress at all. I rinsed it off and it looked cleaner that it did before I went in the ocean! ;) I suggest everyone does a TTD or something similar.

(First 2 pictures are from the actual wedding day, then the rest are from the TTD)

One Love--Party

 After dinner we headed down to the party. The resort had a band & some dancing for New Years Eve. This is the part of the day that really went downhill & I'm really sad about. Not a lot of our guests stuck around. And the few that did didn't really dance a lot. It's also where all the emotion & stress of the day caught up to me and I got to my breaking point with Tom's family. I'm not going to get into that again, and in fact, I've started pushing these memories out of my mind because thinking about it makes me mad/sad. This is also where it hit me that it was already over. This was the end of my wedding. The day I thought about my entire life and the day I took an entire year to plan...it was all over just like that. 


I think one of the funniest things that happened was Tom pretended he was going to throw me in the pool and some random resort guest freaked out and told him to stop it because he couldn't ruin my dress. (If only she knew I was going to be doing just that the following morning!) But I was hot so I decided to at least put my legs in the water. It felt soooo good.

Up Next: Trash the dress!

One Love--Dinner

 

After we took our pictures it was time for dinner. The resort seated us & gave us a sweetheart table. I actually didn't like this. We weren't seated with any of our guests and it was hard to be in the conversation with them. We were right next to them, but it was still weird. I would have preferred a big table with everyone together. I have the rest of my life to have a private dinner with my husband. That day, I wanted to be in on the action with everyone else! 

 

When we first sat down I knocked over my wine glass and broke it. Oops. I guess we had some negative energy or bad luck around us. (Although, I already know what the negative energy was *cough*in-laws*cough*) The dinner also went pretty fast. 

Then is was time for the (tiny) cake. We didn't really have a plan on how to cut it, we just dug in! And when we went to feed each other a piece the server stopped us and told us we had to do it the "Jamaican" way. Instead of feeding it to each other with our hands, Tom had to stick a piece of it into his mouth and I had to eat it that way, a la Lady & the Tramp spaghetti style. Ha! 

 

 

 

 

  

After we cut our little piece they took the cake back to serve it. Except they didn't bring Tom & I a piece! They served everyone else except us. I loooove my sweets so I was a little sad I didn't get any. But my sister wasn't feeling well and left at this point so I stole her piece. We had a little toast and we sat around for a little bit and then it was time to leave. We had some guests from a different resort that needed to catch their taxi & everyone else wanted to change out of their fancy clothes. 

Up Next: The party!

One Love--Family Photos

I'll keep this one short. I'm sure our family photos aren't that interesting, ha! ;)

Right after the ceremony we jumped into taking pictures. Time was a little rushed because we had dinner reservations at 6pm. The wedding planner made it for us and didn't ask what time we wanted. I wish it was a little later because I don't feel like we had a lot of time between the ceremony and dinner. It was also hard to get everyone to stick around. I remember some people leaving and going to get food or a drink when we were trying to take pictures. But one of my favorite pictures of the day is the one of me and my grandma. And I had no pictures of Tom with his parents so I'm glad we finally have some!

Up Next: Dinner time!

One Love--Ceremony

 As the music played my little brother walked me down the aisle. (I've never met my dad & I only have one brother so I knew right away he would be the one to walk me down the aisle.) I remember talking to my brother saying, "I'm so nervous! But I guess I should smile so I look happy? Right?!" I don't remember a lot during this time. Once I got close enough to see Tom I kept my eyes locked on him the rest of the time. 

 

  

  

Our ceremony was really short. We had readings and our own vows picked out but somehow they didn't make it to the minister. Oh well. At the end of it, we were still married and that's what counts! We had the standard, traditional vows. The minister gave a nice speech about keeping a marriage strong, and staying faithful. And to tell you the truth I don't remember a lot else! I remember staring into Tom's eyes and looking at the ocean behind him trying to tell myself to soak it all in. It was surreal. (It was also VERY windy as you can see in the pictures!!)

 

 Before I knew it we were MARRIED! Our first kiss as husband and wife!

 And just like that (literally, the whole ceremony was only 15mins, tops!) we were married. A lot of past brides told me what a blur their ceremonies were. And they weren't joking! I do remember being glad it was a short ceremony though, since I got so nervous all of a sudden. While I don't remember much of what the minister said, I do remember looking into Tom's eyes & the beautiful ocean behind us while we said our vows. I'm glad that stuck with me. :)

Up next, family picture time!