Tom's dad was robbed this morning. He lives in a very small, safe town. I don't understand what is wrong with people. I guess the kid kicked in the door when his dad answered it. He threw him on the ground, punched him, and stole his wallet. Then he went and stole a few other things like some guns. I don't know the whole story but I guess the kid (high school aged) left a backpack there. Hopefully there is some sort of I.D in there so they can catch him. It makes me nervous because it goes to show you, you are never really 100% safe in your own home!
In baby news, I got a stark white BFN today and a huge temp drop. I think AF is on her way tomorrow. I know getting pregnant on the first try is rare, so I'm ok with it. I'm just really happy that I had a pretty regular cycle right away and it looks like I ovulated, so that's promising! Now I wish AF would just show up so we can get the show on the road to cycle #2!
So if you are up to speed on the TTC lingo, I'm in my first "two week wait." I've been charting and fertility friend thinks I'm about 4DPO right now. I'm kinda shocked that I ovulated on day 11 or 12 of my cycle. Our timing wasn't perfect because I wasn't expecting to Ovulate so soon--but we do have a chance! I am spending so much time online looking at other people's charts & tests. I'm such a nerd and I think it's amazing what a little temperature can tell you! So far, my cycle is pretty normal. (knocks on wood.) This is my first one off birth control, so we'll see how they are from here on out. I'm already so excited to test but I have a ways to go until I can! :( Bummer.
When I was at Target last night I picked up a little something... A onesie that I'm going to give Tom when I'm pregnant. :) I know it might take us awhile to get pregnant, and I'm ok with that. But I figured I better have this on hand because once I get a positive test I won't wait until I go to the store to tell him, I'll be too excited!!
I can't figure out how to turn the picture around since I took it with my cell. Anyway, it says "I love my daddy." Even though it's upside down! haha!
I was the one who kept asking Tom when he was going to propose. I was ready. I knew we were going to be together, it had been 3 years, etc etc. Once he did propose I was the one who got cold feet. I spent countless nights wondering if I was doing the right thing in getting married. I'm not good with huge life changing decisions. Even on my wedding day (!) I didn't know if I was doing the right thing.
Good thing that passed and I am 100% comfortable and I'm so glad I went through with it and I married him. But it seems the same thing is happening with the baby situation. We always talked about "when we have kids..." and it was always me who brought it up. I wanted to stop birth control right after the wedding...that is until it was actually time and I decided I needed a few more months and refilled my prescription. ha!
I've noticed Tom talking about babies/kids a lot recently. A LOT. He brings it up multiple times a day. He's now more excited than I am. Don't get me wrong, this is GREAT. Not all guys are so excited to be a dad. But it made me feel bad because I'm still not sure if I want to be a mom. And aren't women supposed to have a "baby gene" that makes them love all babies and just KNOW that they want one? I don't have one I guess...
So anyway on my birthday after a few drinks we started talking about the baby thing again. I only had a week of pills left and I was starting to freak out and I wanted to refill them for another 3 months. Tom told me that we just need to go for it. He told me we will never be ready. Then he asked why I don't think I'm ready. I told him I don't know how to be a mom. I don't like most kids. I don't have a mommy gene. I don't think I will make a good mom. I don't want a crummy kid. (hello serial killers were babies at one time, too!--am I the only crazy one who worries about having a serial killer child?!?!)I don't have a very good family. Neither does Tom. We don't really know what a good, loving family should be. We had bad childhoods. We both have some siblings we don't get along with. I'm just worried we won't have a happy family. And we ARE a happy family now, just the two of us. There is no guarantee what will happen once we have a baby.
I got to "practice" being married before I was married. I got to date lots of men to find the one I liked the best. Tom & I even lived together before we were married. I got a practice run to make sure everything went smoothly. I found out I could handle it. With a baby, there is NO going back. I don't get a practice run. There is no backing out. This is for LIFE. This will sound bad, but nothing else is as permanent as a baby. Not even marriage. If I don't like being a mother, or I'm a bad mother, well...that's too bad.
These are all the worst situations possible, obviously. I know once I have my own baby I will love it and I something will click and I will know how to be a mom. logically, I know this. But I'm scared. This is a HUGE step. Much bigger than buying a house and getting married.
Thankfully Tom told me that I can't let our past hold us back. We both want a couple children and we are as ready as we ever will be. He told me to stop thinking about everything that could go wrong and look at all the good that can come of it. And the thing that really stuck with me is when he said, "I want you to throw away your pills and I want to start trying now. I really want a little kid to call me dad. I can't wait!"
ohmygoshpullatmyheartstrings! so sweet! I realized I'm being silly. Yes I'm scared. But I need to jump in and just do it. And really, how can I say no after he says something so sweet? (Don't tell him I just told the entire world his little confession! ha!)
So I did just that. I threw away the pills. I didn't refill them. We are officially trying for a little baby G. It's in God's hands now. If we will make good parents, we will get pregnant. If I can handle it, it will happen.
It was my birthday on Wednesday. I'm now 26. I say I'm still in my mid-twenties but Tom says I'm now in my late twenties. I think I'm right and that's what I chose to believe! ha! ;)
When I woke up Tom gave me some pretty orange roses and a cute card. He also gave me a gift certificate for a local greenhouse. I was so excited! I've been wanting to fix up the front of our house ever since we moved in. But plants are so expensive! So I got lots of plants and flowers. Our house is going to be so pretty this year!! I got 4 hosta plants, two ferns, 3 hanging baskets, lots and LOTS of flowers, and a bunch of veggie plants (strawberries, tomato, pepper, corn, etc.)
We also went out to lunch. It is so nice to enjoy a lunch in the middle of the day on a Wednesday! (We even had a margarita! I felt like a rebel!) We also went out to dinner that night at Ichiban. It's a hibachi restaurant with the BEST food. I had the most delicious filet mignon & shrimp! It was so good! (Tom & I also had a long talk about the baby issue at dinner. But I'll get into that in a different post tomorrow!)
Tom & I both took Thursday off from work too. We got up and went out for coffee and hit up some garage sales. We both love garage sales. I know we probably spend a lot of money in gas, but it's so fun hunting for treasures! You never know what you will find. I didn't get anything but Tom found a lot of tools. Then we went out for lunch again and got some Mexican food & some more margaritas. It was Cinco De Mayo, we had to! ;) Then we spent the rest of the night being lazy at home.
It was a great birthday and it was so fun to take a couple days off work to spend with Tom with nothing to do. We were able to relax and do whatever we wanted with the day, we didn't have to rush anywhere!
It is FINALLY sunny & warm here. (It's supposed to rain the next 7 days though...Boo!) So we are thinking about having some friends over & having a fire tonight. We will spend the rest of the weekend working on the house. (And I will be eating lots of veggies & water to give my body a break from the past 2 days, haha!)
I got a big red velvet cupcake on my desk this morning. The post-it said it was from the "birthday fairy." I plan on eating this cupcake as my dinner. And I plan on washing it down with a glass (or two) of wine. Yes, this really will be my dinner. It's my birthday tomorrow and I plan on starting the celebrating tonight! I love birthdays and even though I'm not that young anymore (not that old either, I know!) I'm glad I still enjoy them and I'm not depressed about getting older (YET)
Both Tom & I took tomorrow off work (Thursday too!) We don't have anything planned except we are going out to dinner tomorrow night. I guess we will have to see how the weather is and where the day takes us!
P.S. I'm not sure I want a baby right now. The closer and closer I get to getting pregnant I start to freak out more and more. I talked to Tom about it last night but he is just so darn excited about having a baby he is hard to talk to. I'm a natural pessimist and I'm worried I won't be a good mom and I'm worried about the toll a baby will take on my marriage while he is so happy-go-lucky, always looking on the bright side. I guess that's why opposites attract and we're a good match?
It's May 1st. And it's 31 degrees out right now. It's supposed to snow tonight. It's so cold & depressing outside that I have spent (literally) ALL DAY with my butt on the couch watching the DIY network. I've been watching all these happy people work on their houses and build gardens, patios, etc etc etc. And I just sit on the couch because I refuse to put on my winter jacket in May.
WHERE IS SPRING? We already had our garden & some plants outside by this time last year. :(
