B-pics are in...

I got the CD of my B-pics yesterday. Overall, I am really happy with the way they turned out. I think Tom is really going to like them. (Ok, he got a sneak peek and he did like them, haha.) I'm going to make a photo book and give it to him as a wedding present. I am happy with my B-pic experience and I would do it again, for sure.

I know I looked at tons of B-pic examples when I was trying to get my nerve up enough to get these done...So I'm going to post a few. Hopefully this will be helpful to others thinking about getting them done! And P.S. I'm not a skinny girl! I'm currently a size 10 (hopefully 8 by the wedding) but I've seen girls that are size 14 and 16 (also shot by my photographer) and their pictures turned out really well. I always thought you had to be a size 4 to get B-pics done, but that's not the case, obviously.

Stay-at-home wife

I recently went down to a .9 at work. I work 5 days one week, then 4 days the next. Eventually, I will be down to 4 days every week. I don't really like my job and having an extra day off will really help with my sanity. Tom is also 100% ok with me dropping a day because he can see how much happier I am. I also have time to do all the housework/errands I put off on the weekends because we have better things to be doing!

Eventually (as in once we have a baby) the plan is for me to stop working all together. (if we can swing it financially.) I don't make a lot of money, so I would basically be working just to pay for daycare. If I had a job that I enjoyed and got something out of, it would be worth it to keep working. But I don't like my job, it stresses me out, and I would much rather be at home with my children.

I have absolutely nothing against women who work and have children. I don't think there is anything wrong with that and I don't think it "damages" the children in any way. But my mom was a single mom and she had to work a lot. She missed out on so much because of this. I still remember being upset because she could never come on my field trips, or come into class to help. Or never really having dinner all together as a family. She did what she had to do...but I really wish I would have had my mom around more when I was growing up. And I don't want to miss those things in my future children's lives. I want to be there for all the plays, games, homework projects, etc. I guess I feel bad for WANTING to stay at home....And I would also need some balance because I don't want to turn into someone who never sees adults or gets a life outside of her children/home either. And what happens if I get bored or regret not working outside of the home? Ugh...decisions... At least I have another 1-2 years to think about it before I have to make a decision!

My B-pic experience

Last Saturday was my boudoir session. I was super nervous the closer and closer it got. I've heard so many girls say their B-pics made them feel so confident, beautiful, and sexy. Um, not me! Other than the fact that I had my makeup and hair done really well, nothing about this experience made me feel sexy.

I will start by saying, I do not have my pictures back yet. I have no clue how they turned out. I'm hoping once I see them (assuming they turned out well) I will then feel beatiful. However, I'm only going to write about the actual taking of the pictures for now and I will review again once I get my pictures.

So when I got to the hotel I was stuck in a very crowded elevator with my two bags of lingerie and high heels. Can you say awkward?! I felt like a hooker! haha! Anyway, I made it into the hotel room and met my photographer for the first time. (she will also be our wedding photographer) She was nice and did make me feel comfortable. She was down-to-earth and had some music playing. I felt very comfortable around her.

Then it came time to change. UGH. No matter what, it is hard and very uncomfortable to wear lingerie in front of a stranger if you're not proud of your body. But I really had no choice by that point, I had to do it! It was hot in that room and I was really nervous so I was really sweating!! (not very sexy!) I spent the next hour posing in weird positions with a camera in my face. Let me tell you, it was a WORKOUT! Holding my legs up, sucking in my stomach, pushing the ta-tas out, etc. (I ended up super sore the next day--and I do workout! I'm not terribly out of shape--It was just using and flexing muscles I don't use very often!) I didn't have any time to think, "I'm so sexy, I feel amazing." Because instead I was thinking, "suck in your stomach, man it's hot in here, I hope these pics turn out ok, am I really doing this?! etc etc etc."

I was so glad when it was over and I could go home and EAT! It was 1:30pm by this point and all I had to eat that day was a cup of coffee! I made my fiance take me out to lunch and I splurged! :) (That was my favorite part of my B-pic experience so far!)

So in review, the actual picture taking part of it was stressful, and I didn't really feel "sexy." Oh, and it was HOT (as in the temperature!) but I think she got some good shots and I can't wait to see them. I have a feeling once I see the pictures THEN I will feel beautiful. But would I do B-pics again even though I didn't really enjoy getting the pictures taken? Yes. It did help with my confidence and I do think I will get some nice pictures out of it.

A gift for my groom

I'm getting Boudoir pictures done on Saturday! In less than 48 hours I will have to get half naked and let a stranger take pictures of me! Yikes! I really wish I would have lost another 10 pounds by now. I really hope I don't look like a fat cow. :( I'm getting really, really nervous! Ugh...

For the women

In traditional weddings, the mother's, grandmothes, and important women usually get a corsage. I think they can be really pretty. Like this orchid one.

But at our resort, the price for single corsages START at $42 and goes up from there. That's crazy expensive. So instead I'm giving the women bracelets.

My sister will get this pink one in the middle, with a "J" engraved on the charm. (It also happens to match mine, which is the white one on the end.)

And my mom, grandma, and Mother-in-law will get this cuff bracelet in a color that matches their dress.

It ended up being about half the cost to get bracelets over fresh flowers, and now they can keep them forever!

Reached my breaking point

I told off SIL and it felt SO DAMN GOOD! ha!

What brought it on was last Sunday when we were visiting Tom's dad. His dad started bringing up the wedding mess, asking us why Tom's brother isn't coming to the wedding. We told him, AGAIN, that it isn't up to us. SIL is the one "forbidding" him from going. His dad kept going on and on about it! He sat down and told me that SIL was saying stuff about me behind my back when she was there and that she told Tom's dad she "didn't know" why I don't like her. She also said they weren't invited to our wedding. REALLY?! That is a flat out LIE. She has said so many awful, horrible things. Her actions have proven that she is an evil human being.

And I lost it.

(I do have to add that after she visited on Memorial weekend and caused all that drama by saying I couldn't go to the zoo and Tom had to go alone if he wanted to see his brother and niece, Tom called her a few days later. He told her he wanted to talk it out, and resolve our issues. That was a month ago. She never called him back.)

So.......I sent her a text that said, "Tom called you a month ago wanting to talk to you to hopefully resolve whatever we have going on. But you don't even have the decency to call him back? That shows you don't give a shit about making this better so Tom and joel can have a normal relationship without having to worry if you will pull something psycho like banning me from a public zoo. Then I find out you don't have the balls to talk to me, you run your mouth behind my back like a coward. You wanted Bob (toms dad) to find out why I don't like you? You are a complete psycho bitch and have been from day #1. I have NO respect for you. And the fact that you won't let Joel go to his own brothers wedding, to be out of your grip for 3 short days, further proves how controlling and evil you are. I'm honestly saddened by the fact that I will share a last name with you in 6 months."

She had it coming. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I was so sick of people telling me "that's just how she is, she has always been a bitch, just ignore her, let it go." NO MORE! Why let her continue to ruin people's lives? Screw that. She deserved everything I said to her. And I needed to tell her for my own sanity. I was so stressed over keeping everything inside when it came to her. And I really do feel better.

Of course she texted me back and said that she is a "grown up" and can decide who and when her and her family will spend time with someone. And she chooses not to spend time with me. And it was MY FAULT tom didn't get to see his brother and niece at the zoo because I should have "let" tom go to the zoo alone. (NEVER ONCE did I tell tom he couldn't go without me. It was 100% his choice not to go if I wasn't welcome.) She told me to "stop making a big deal out of it" and that I should just let Tom see them alone from now on. (including taking a weeks vacation time and going down to Texas without me?! I don't think so.)

I told her that she needs to accept me as a package deal just like we all have to accept her and deal with her because she is married to Tom's brother.

Her answer? That I was psycho if I thought that was going to happen. And the only way Tom will ever see his brother or niece again is if I'm not in the picture.

Well that sums it up. Tom's brother called Tom and started bitching to him about what I said to SIL. But I am proud to say Tom stood by me 10000%. We are united when it comes to this. But hey, I guess I don't have to worry about seeing her anytime soon, huh? YAY!

P.S. It floors me that this happened. Never once did I do anything, or say anything bad to her. (before now, obviously) There was never any "bad blood" between us until I got engaged and she started trying to ruin my wedding. WTF.

Activities in Jamaica

When we're in Jamaica we plan on doing some activites (other than sitting on the beach and drinking fruity drinks!) The week our family is there we were planning a renting a boat and going deep sea fishing and going on a horseback ride in the ocean. My little sister isn't going fishing, but she was going to go horseback riding. Well, I found out today that they have weight limits. And they range from 200-230 max. I asked my mom what my sis weighs and she thinks around 240. Which means she's pretty much too big to go on the horseback ride. I'm heartbroken. I don't even want to tell her because I know it will hurt her feelings! I don't know what to do! But at the same time, she still has 6 months to lose 15 pounds so she can be under the weight limit. :( This sucks big time.

I'm also planning what activities Tom and I are going to do when our family leaves, but I don't have the heart to do it anymore. I can't see us going off on all these fun adventures while we leave my sister back at the resort because she is "too big."