Bridal Meltdown

I've had a few meltdowns over my wedding so far. (Mainly over the whole drama with Sis-in-law and how much of a b*tch she is.) But I had another one today.

My brother has a long history of depression/ suicide attempts. He has also been acting like a giant ass hole to everyone in my family lately. No one can stand him! He's a totally different person. He's been such an ass hole to me that I told him I would only pay for his flight if he apologized to me, His response? "Go f*ck yourself. I'm not going to your wedding. "

Lovely.

Then that night he cut himself and landed in the hospital --AGAIN. He has been putting my family through this song and dance over and over and over! He needs help but he REFUSES therapy and medication. There is nothing we can do to help him. My poor mom lives in fear about when the next phone call will come. Because it ALWAYS does. So we have to go through that again...

I'm done with him. I can't stand him. He refuses to get help, shits all over everyone and basically treats everyone like dirt. And telling me to go f*ck myself? I'm over him. I don't care if he is family. Unless he apologizes to me, I want nothing to do with him. He's ruining everyone else's lives too, not just his own. My mom can't even sleep without medication because she is so worried she will get a call about my brother. She lets him walk all over her. He's pathetic.

He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. Looks like I'll just have to go alone.

So on top of dealing with this drama--AGAIN-- My travel agent told me today that Delta cancelled our flights for the wedding. This was all it took for me to LOSE IT. I was trying not to start crying my eyes out at work. I e-mailed Tom about it and told him that I'm done with this wedding and I want to cancel it.

I'm half way serious. My engagement has NOT been happy. And it really doesn't seem worth it anymore. I can't handle all this stress and every thing going wrong. I still have 3 more months to go. Who knows how many more times my flight will get cancelled, or what else will go wrong!

Oh! I forgot! My wedding coordinator told me on Friday that we can't have a private dinner reception at the resort because it's NYE and it's not possible. So they expect me to walk around the buffet in my wedding dress on my WEDDING DAY?! Hell No. I WILL be a bridezilla.

Everything is falling apart and I don't know if I can keep it together.

Single digits--99 days!

We are down to 99 days left until the wedding! We started with 365 days, an entire YEAR and somehow we've already lost 266 of those days?! holy cow! And I know the next 99 will go even faster than the rest! I'm already shocked that it will be October in a week!

I also have to get my dress in for my fittings soon. I keep putting it off. For some reason I'm "scared" to get my dress fitted because that makes it so "Real" and that scares me. Oh well, It will have to be done in about another month or so like it or not.

I also got our sand ceremony kit yesterday and I love it. (picture below.) I don't have a lot of things left to do. Almost everything is done. Which is both good and bad. I'm reeeeeally nervous to get married. It's only getting worse the closer the wedding gets. However, I only get to be engaged for so long. I only get to be a bride planning her wedding once. So I'm really trying to enjoy it before it's all over!

I don't know how to flirt

Apparently flirting is a skill where "you use it or you lose it" comes into play.

I've been with Tom a little over 4 years. I have no reason to flirt with someone. (not that it happens all the time anyway. I'm usually with Tom when I go out.)

Yesterday on the shuttle after work (we have to park off campus) this guy was flirting and laying it on thick! I was so embarrassed and it was so awkward! I didn't know what to do! (he couldn't see my engagement ring. I had too much stuff in my hands.) I just kinda fumbled my words around like an idiot! Doh! It was hard knowing how to act? I didn't want to be too friendly or flirty back (I am engaged after all) but I didn't want to be cold and/or rude to the guy either. (and yes, he was tall and cute! *sigh*)

after the chit chat and the LONGEST shuttle ride ever I got off. He waved as he walked to his car and said. "Have a good night, hope to see you around."

Oh boy.

I work at a hospital, there's tons of employees. But now I have to avoid this guy when I see him. Haha!

At least I know I've still got it! ;)

Lasik & Babies

Apparently these two things go hand-in-hand when it comes to my future in the next year.

I had my eye exam last week. (I am very blind. I can't see anything without my glasses/contacts and can't function AT ALL. It's bad.) So I am talking to the DR and he asks if my mom and siblings all have bad eyes and I said "yes." He told me that any future children I might have need to get their eyes checked before they start pre-school because he bets 99% they will have really bad eyes too. :( Sadness. (But it doesn't really shock me. I got glasses for the first time when I was 5 or 6, too)

Also, I got a big shock when it came to the total it will cost me to order glasses and contacts. My prescription is good for 2 years. And for ONE pair of glasses (with a cheap $60 frame!) and contacts it will cost me about $800. My prescription is so strong they need to make special lenses for me. And my contacts are also $$ because not every brand makes contacts as strong as I need them. I also have an astigmatism. Awesome.

$800 every 2 years for the REST OF MY LIFE. (not including contact solution. That sh*t adds up!)

Enter: Lasik.

Tom said I need to go ahead and get lasik done. It will probably cost around 3,000 but when you consider all they money I will spend over the nest few years, it makes sense. However, my prescription just changed and in order to get lasik they want you to have a stable prescription for at least a year. So I won't qualify until next September. (Assuming my prescription won't change much in the next year.)

However, we were planning on TTC next spring/summer. And depending on how fast it happened for us, there is a possibility I would be pregnant by September. And you can't get Lasik if you're pregnant.

So it looks like we are shooting for Lasik in Sept and TTC right after my surgery. I want to meet with a surgeon after the wedding to make sure there aren't any other issues that wouldn't allow me to have the surgery. (Such as my eyes being TOO bad and un-fixable *tear*) But as of right now Sept 2011 might be a busy month for me!

Anyone ever had Lasik? Good? Bad?

Ghosts of boyfriends past

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Obviously I know it's because of my (quickly approaching!) wedding. But I keep having dreams about ex boyfriends, friends, men I'm simply attracted to, random men, whatever. And most of the time, it's pretty *steamy* if ya know what I mean ;)

I guess my "asleep brain" is nervous to get married. And I'm nervous to get married and be with ONE person for the REST.OF.MY.LIFE. And so apparently the only solution is to have steamy dreams about other men. Ha!

I've heard of people having "wedding nightmares" and as far as they go, I'd say I'm one of the more lucky ones! Haha ;)

Spinach Smoothie

I'm really trying to get away from eating processed food. Both Tom and I both want to make more of our own food and eat better. We already eat at home most nights, but we can always eat better.

One of my biggest areas is with breakfast. I don't have a lot of time in the morning so I always fill my mug with coffee and grab a granola bar. It's not a horrible breakfast, but it's not the best. The granola bars are full of added sugar and fake crap. So this morning I made my first "green monster" or a smoothie with spinach in it!

Verdict? YUMMY & filling!

Here's what I included:

1 banana

1 scoop chocolate protein powder

1 cup milk

2 cups spinach

ice

It was very good. The banana masked the taste of the spinach. It didn't look very good, but it tasted fine. And it kept me super full for 4 hours! Plus, I can't beat already having 2 cups of veggies under my belt before lunch!

I'm going to try and make these every morning for breakfast. I have a bunch of different kinds of frozen fruit from Trader Joe's to try too.

Birthday Recap

Tom's 29th birthday weekend was very fun, but it went by super fast!

The birthday boy!

We started off by heading about 2 hours away to a little hotel right on a lake. It was a super cute little hotel and we had a nice view of the lake! We unpacked our stuff and headed into town to pick up some drinks and to have some dinner. Then we headed out on a charter fishing trip.

Our boat

The fishing was pretty fun. Tom caught two walleyes. (One was too big to keep.) We both like fishing but it's hard to go when you live in the middle of a huge city with no access to a lake close by. We also went out fishing the next morning. It was SUPER windy! There were huge waves that were spilling over the side of the boat and it was so rocky I really thought I was going to be sick!! *note to self, bring motion sickness meds when we go fishing in Jamaica!!! *

After that we headed to a water park for the afternoon and spent the rest of it just floating down the lazy river. :)

Our last trip was a dinner cruise down a river. And by this point I was SO SICK OF WATER AND BOATS! Haha!!

Dinner cruise boat

Us :)