Um, Weird?!

There's this guy... I've known him since I was 14 years old. We've been there for each other through everything. Boyfriends, girlfriends, high school, college, moving, jobs, breakups, etc. I even dated his college roommate (whom he introduced me to) He briefly dated my best friend. We were never anything more than friends. The timing was always off.

Today he asked me what I thought about having a 3-some with him and his GF. Apparently she was game for it too.

Um, thanks?! I'm glad you & your GF find me attractive? Hahahaha

WEIRD! I said no and laughed it off. But he is a good friend of mine and I plan on staying friends with him. How awkward is it going to be the next time I see him!!!??

What an eventful Thursday!

Great Deals

It is now officially fall! Yes!! It's my favorite time of year. I love decorating my home for Halloween, pumpkins, cooler weather, EVERYTHING!

Last weekend I hit up some garage sales and got a white ceramic cow creamer for 10 CENTS! I also got an original "Pig Mania" game for FREE! Has anyone played this game? It's awesome! Then today I got a 5' tall scare crow for my front yard for $5.99 at Michaels and tons of cute decorations for $1 each at the dollar store! I'm so excited to pull out the huge bin I have of Halloween decorations and start putting them up! :) I also got two dresses from Forever 21 for 5.99 each! Yay for summer clearance! We are also FINALLY getting our cabinets in on Monday! Although, we can't afford counter top yet...but at least we're finally getting there! I will be so happy to have a kitchen again! I actually miss cooking! And washing dishes in the bathtub is a major PITA!

Oh yeah, I'm also currently in 1st place in the fantasy football league. Eat that, boys! ha ha ha!

I'm off to go give Rex a bath. He's one dirty pup!

P.S. "Weigh in Wednesday" got missed last week. I had lost 2 pounds...until evil Aunt F came into town and I gained it right back. And have yet to lose it again. UGH! Will this ever end?! :( I got back on track today. I don't know what my problem is! I lost over 40 pounds already! Why is this last 10 driving me insane?!

Burnt

I am really burnt out. I needed a day to myself...so I took a wonderful sick day today. To be fair, I have tons of errands to do. Plus laundry, grocery shopping, and picking up the house. But the main thing I need to do today is update my resume and start sending it out. I know the economy sucks and I'm lucky to have a job... but I'm miserable. So I am now job hunting! If I have to take a pay cut to land a job I actually don't dread every single day, so be it.

And just for fun this morning I had this site make a picture of what our children will look like! Haha! And I actually really hope I do get a little boy with my dark curls! :)

Our little girl

And little boy

High Blood Pressure

You know how when you're younger getting "old" feels so far away? You don't have to worry about sagging boobs, gray hair, under eye wrinkles, or eating healthy? (FYI: All of those I am dealing with--at 24!)

Well today was another--high blood pressure. My blood pressure is always normal, or even low. Tom's has always been slightly high. Today he went to the doctor for an allergy test and they wouldn't even give him the shots because his blood pressure was TOO HIGH! AT 28! It was 160/110! That's INSANE! "heart attack" range we're talking about! Anything over 140/95 is considered high blood pressure and medication is needed! So I dragged his butt to the drug store to test it again. He claims he was just nervous being at the doctor's office. They call it "white coat syndrome." So we go there and mine was 117/75. His? 154/100!! Still very, very high! We walked around the store, tested it again, still high!

He's going to test it every day after work. If it stays that high, he's going to the doctor to go on some meds. In the mean time I'm cutting out red meat, butter, salt, fat, etc. I already try to eat a low fat healthy diet. Tom? Um, not so much! He loves fatty red meat covered in butter & salt. Except now I have a real reason to nag him. His dad had a stroke with he was in his late 30's. No way am I letting Tom mess around with this.

Sigh...life was simpler when we were kids. Now I get to take away all the good food from Tom's diet AND he gets to deal with my saggy boobs. What does the boy have left to live for?! Haha

The evil EX Fiance

My bf was engaged before. It kinda bothered me at first. I've never dated anyone who's been engaged before (or married before) But whatever, people have pasts, right? So anyway, Tom and this girl were together for 6 years. (engaged for one) before she cheated on him and ended the engagement. However, they were a lot younger. When they got engaged she was 20 and he was 23. So they started dating when she was 15 and he was 18. Wow. That's sick now that I think about it! Anyway, he loved this girl a ton, and she broke his heart. He told me he honestly thought they would last forever. There are millions of pictures of them together. She was a part of his family for 6 years, it's to be expected. But it still bothers me. I don't know why I am so jealous of this girl!!

It doesn't help that when Tom & I started dating, they had been broken up for 7 months, and they had just started talking to each other again. Great. Then I found out she was jealous he started dating someone new (seriously dating anyway, he had been on other dates between their breakup and our first date, thankfully!) and wanted him back. She was flirty and totally crossed the line multiple times considering he was dating ME. (at least he was upfront with her about me being in the picture.)

Of course guys are total idiots when it comes to women so he didn't see that she was trying to get him back and being too flirty. He didn't see why they couldn't be "friends" and told me to stop being jealous. This chick seriously almost ended our relationship MULTIPLE times. I didn't want to deal with this shit. I honestly don't know why I put up with that crap.I deserved better. Now that I look back, I think he was still in love with her when we first met.But if I must be honest, I was still in love with my ex when we met too... He even spent $250 on her birthday present THREE MONTHS after we started dating. I told him that was totally wrong, he told me to back off because they were "friends."

Does that mean we were doomed right from the start since we were both in love with other people when we started dating?!

For some reason, I stuck it out. I told him he needed to stop hanging out with her unless I was there too. The e-mails slowly stopped, they stopped hanging out, and she moved far away. Now they barely talk and when they do it's on facebook. Have I snooped to make sure? Even to this day, 3 years later? Yes. I still check text messages, emails, and facebook. Do I trust him? I do, now. But for some reason it still makes me feel better to check every now and again. I got burned REALLY bad by my ex...and I don't know if I will ever 100% trust someone ever again. I know they say relationships are nothing without trust. And I do trust him. He has "boys nights" every Tuesday, he goes out with his friends, he has female friends, I know he wouldn't cheat on me, etc. But for some reason when it comes to HER I get all crazy! He deserves my trust--He's never cheated on me, he's even had the chance to!

I think it's because she is the only person (other than me) that he has loved. And let's face it, they had 6 years and an engagement! Although, I found out that after Tom & I started dating (only a couple weeks in...) she told him she wanted to get back together and he said no. So that makes me feel a little better, if ever he had his chance, that was it. Anyway, she has a new bf and Tom & I are talking marriage now and everything is going good for us as a couple. His mom even said she is so happy Tom is with me instead of her. I'm in good with the mom, that means something! ;)

I just hate how I think I will always compare myself to her. We are two totally different people, why do I think I need to somehow compete with her? Tom has other ex g/f's. I'm not bothered by any of them... I've dated guys with serious ex g/f's before (obviously) so why does this one drive me so batty? Hopefully one day I will get over it and stop being so damn jealous!

And the fact that she had a ring and I don't may or may not be another reason why I feel like I need that commitment from him...to prove something to me?

D-Day

Which is DIET DAY!

Summer is now over. We are moved into our house (for the most part). There aren't any birthdays, parties, or holidays anytime in the next two months. I am out of excuses. I have lost and gained the same 3 pounds all summer long. I started my diet today--once and for all! A year and a half ago when I decided to lose weight, it seriously was a "lifestyle change." I started getting regular exercise, added in more veggies, less crap and voila, I lost weight. Now that I weigh less, the weight isn't coming off like it was before. It's time for an actual diet to lose this last 10 pounds. I need to stay around 1200 calories a day, everyday. My goal is to reach my final weight by Halloween. I know I can do it, but it is going to be hard. I'm already starving. But I would MUCH rather be strict for a month and a half and finally by done losing weight. I'm ready to go shopping and buy more than 2 pairs of jeans because I'm not going to be changing sizes anymore!

I'll post my weekly weight loss every Wednesday. It's now dubbed "weigh-in Wednesday!"

Wish me luck!

Labor Day Weekend

Well, summer is officially over! I'm kinda sad that it went so fast, but fall is totally my favorite season so I'm excited for that! This weekend we went camping and on a brewery tour. The tour was actually really fun. And the beer sampling was even more fun. ;) After the tour we went to this tiny hole-in-the-wall and I had the best burger ever! Can't beat the small town food and a 1/2lb burger and fries for $6.00!!!

We went camping at a state park. It was okay, not the most fun campground ever but it's less than 5 minutes from town which is nice because you can easily drive into town for coffee in the morning and dinner at night. There was a really nice pool there, but we never made it there. :( I love camping, but our air mattress has a hole in it so we didn't bring it. We figured we could sleep on the ground. I always slept on the ground in sleeping bags when I was growing up... Apparently I can't do that anymore! It was AWFUL! The ground was soooo hard. I tossed and turned all night and got no sleep. Then I woke up so sore it hurt to bend my ankle! We decided to leave one night early in favor of sleeping in our own bed at home. We will definitely be fixing that air mattress before any camping trips next summer! The park ranger was kinda rude, too. All these other dogs were running OFF a leash, Rex was on one and she stopped and made us shorten it to only 6 feet. You're serisouly going to make our dog stay on a 6 foot leash all weekend?! That's leaving him no room at all! Oh well, that was right before we were going to leave anyway.

The Schell brewery

Me outside the mansion built in the late 1800's

Tom sampling some brews

Rex making some friends down by the river

Enjoying the outdoors

Us at our campsite

Site # 11

That's how we ended our summer. Fall, here I come!

Pity Party

Today was just one of those days...I know I'm lucky to have a job, a house, a puppy, a loving boyfriend, blah blah blah. But I just want more!

I want to be done losing weight. Only problem is, I keep moving my goal weight lower! First goal was to get to 150...then 145...then 140...now it's 135. And I won't know what my goal weight is until I hit it. I know I'm not happy being 144, so I have to keep losing until I find my "happy weight." All the "ideal weight" calculators and things say my ideal weight is 135. And I think that's right on. So that's what I'm shooting for now. But how freaking depressing is it that I have had this "last 10 pounds" to lose for such a long time now--BECAUSE I KEEP MOVING MY GOAL WEIGHT! Ugh. At least I'm 99.9% sure I will be happy (enough) at 135 and then I can just focus on toning everything up.

I want a job I actually LIKE. One where I actually use my brain? And make enough so I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck forever...And I could really use some new cute clothes, damnit! I've lost 40 pounds and I needs a new, stylish wardrobe! Fall is my absolute favorite season and I LOVE all the sweaters and boots out right now! And I want to wear them! But I can't afford them... :(

I also want an engagement ring. Ugh, I feel so stupid actually typing that. My bf and I have been together over 3 years now, living together for 2. Isn't it time?! He always told me it would happen after he bought a house. Alright, well, he bought the house in June. Let's get a move on, shall we? Of course I've told him I'm ready to get engaged and take the next step. We talk about our wedding and plan it in our heads. He tells me he really does want to marry me, and it will happen, just not right now. And here is where I want to throw a temper tantrum and ask, "Well why the hell not?!" He keeps assuring me that it will happen but I've heard that for over a year now! I guess I'm starting to get resentful. All these people who have met way after us are already married! I know I can't compare myself to them, but honestly, it's hard not to! I want the freaking ring, and the wedding, and the HUSBAND. I want the commitment that he will be there for me forever! I want the stability, and to take his last name. I want to be a family. And I don't know how long I will keep waiting. I will not be one of those girls who are with their men for 8+ years still waiting for the ring. Nope. I want marriage and children in the next few years. I won't settle. The hard part is, how will I know when it's time to move on? I know it's not anytime soon...but when?