Friday, September 11, 2009

The evil EX Fiance

My bf was engaged before. It kinda bothered me at first. I've never dated anyone who's been engaged before (or married before) But whatever, people have pasts, right? So anyway, Tom and this girl were together for 6 years. (engaged for one) before she cheated on him and ended the engagement. However, they were a lot younger. When they got engaged she was 20 and he was 23. So they started dating when she was 15 and he was 18. Wow. That's sick now that I think about it! Anyway, he loved this girl a ton, and she broke his heart. He told me he honestly thought they would last forever. There are millions of pictures of them together. She was a part of his family for 6 years, it's to be expected. But it still bothers me. I don't know why I am so jealous of this girl!!

It doesn't help that when Tom & I started dating, they had been broken up for 7 months, and they had just started talking to each other again. Great. Then I found out she was jealous he started dating someone new (seriously dating anyway, he had been on other dates between their breakup and our first date, thankfully!) and wanted him back. She was flirty and totally crossed the line multiple times considering he was dating ME. (at least he was upfront with her about me being in the picture.)

Of course guys are total idiots when it comes to women so he didn't see that she was trying to get him back and being too flirty. He didn't see why they couldn't be "friends" and told me to stop being jealous. This chick seriously almost ended our relationship MULTIPLE times. I didn't want to deal with this shit. I honestly don't know why I put up with that crap.I deserved better. Now that I look back, I think he was still in love with her when we first met.But if I must be honest, I was still in love with my ex when we met too... He even spent $250 on her birthday present THREE MONTHS after we started dating. I told him that was totally wrong, he told me to back off because they were "friends."

Does that mean we were doomed right from the start since we were both in love with other people when we started dating?!

For some reason, I stuck it out. I told him he needed to stop hanging out with her unless I was there too. The e-mails slowly stopped, they stopped hanging out, and she moved far away. Now they barely talk and when they do it's on facebook. Have I snooped to make sure? Even to this day, 3 years later? Yes. I still check text messages, emails, and facebook. Do I trust him? I do, now. But for some reason it still makes me feel better to check every now and again. I got burned REALLY bad by my ex...and I don't know if I will ever 100% trust someone ever again. I know they say relationships are nothing without trust. And I do trust him. He has "boys nights" every Tuesday, he goes out with his friends, he has female friends, I know he wouldn't cheat on me, etc. But for some reason when it comes to HER I get all crazy! He deserves my trust--He's never cheated on me, he's even had the chance to!

I think it's because she is the only person (other than me) that he has loved. And let's face it, they had 6 years and an engagement! Although, I found out that after Tom & I started dating (only a couple weeks in...) she told him she wanted to get back together and he said no. So that makes me feel a little better, if ever he had his chance, that was it. Anyway, she has a new bf and Tom & I are talking marriage now and everything is going good for us as a couple. His mom even said she is so happy Tom is with me instead of her. I'm in good with the mom, that means something! ;)

I just hate how I think I will always compare myself to her. We are two totally different people, why do I think I need to somehow compete with her? Tom has other ex g/f's. I'm not bothered by any of them... I've dated guys with serious ex g/f's before (obviously) so why does this one drive me so batty? Hopefully one day I will get over it and stop being so damn jealous!

And the fact that she had a ring and I don't may or may not be another reason why I feel like I need that commitment from him...to prove something to me?

1 comment:

Morgan said...

I can relate to you in so many ways on this post. My dad cheated on my mom when I was little, with her best friend (who is now my stepmom)...so my mom was single and lonely pretty much her whole life. I have eventually forgiven my dad, but it has ruined my life. I feel like the same thing is going to happen to me, I'm going to get cheated on and be lonely forever. I know that isn't your fear and its soo good you can trust your bf, but the jealousy thing I can relate to. I tend to be a very jealous person, and it sucks.
Kevin and I met through some friends 5 years ago, and he was originally attracted to my friend first but she dissed him and blew him off. We talked one night and here we are, 5 years later, with the best little miracle God has gave me- a son. I still find myself jealous of her, and the fact he liked her first. I still compare myself to her. I still want to roll my eyes and choke her everytime we bump into her in public. Ehh, stupid bitches. HAHA sorry..I got a little carried away there!