Today was just one of those days...I know I'm lucky to have a job, a house, a puppy, a loving boyfriend, blah blah blah. But I just want more!
I want to be done losing weight. Only problem is, I keep moving my goal weight lower! First goal was to get to 150...then 145...then 140...now it's 135. And I won't know what my goal weight is until I hit it. I know I'm not happy being 144, so I have to keep losing until I find my "happy weight." All the "ideal weight" calculators and things say my ideal weight is 135. And I think that's right on. So that's what I'm shooting for now. But how freaking depressing is it that I have had this "last 10 pounds" to lose for such a long time now--BECAUSE I KEEP MOVING MY GOAL WEIGHT! Ugh. At least I'm 99.9% sure I will be happy (enough) at 135 and then I can just focus on toning everything up.
I want a job I actually LIKE. One where I actually use my brain? And make enough so I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck forever...And I could really use some new cute clothes, damnit! I've lost 40 pounds and I needs a new, stylish wardrobe! Fall is my absolute favorite season and I LOVE all the sweaters and boots out right now! And I want to wear them! But I can't afford them... :(
I also want an engagement ring. Ugh, I feel so stupid actually typing that. My bf and I have been together over 3 years now, living together for 2. Isn't it time?! He always told me it would happen after he bought a house. Alright, well, he bought the house in June. Let's get a move on, shall we? Of course I've told him I'm ready to get engaged and take the next step. We talk about our wedding and plan it in our heads. He tells me he really does want to marry me, and it will happen, just not right now. And here is where I want to throw a temper tantrum and ask, "Well why the hell not?!" He keeps assuring me that it will happen but I've heard that for over a year now! I guess I'm starting to get resentful. All these people who have met way after us are already married! I know I can't compare myself to them, but honestly, it's hard not to! I want the freaking ring, and the wedding, and the HUSBAND. I want the commitment that he will be there for me forever! I want the stability, and to take his last name. I want to be a family. And I don't know how long I will keep waiting. I will not be one of those girls who are with their men for 8+ years still waiting for the ring. Nope. I want marriage and children in the next few years. I won't settle. The hard part is, how will I know when it's time to move on? I know it's not anytime soon...but when?