Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Pity Party

Today was just one of those days...I know I'm lucky to have a job, a house, a puppy, a loving boyfriend, blah blah blah. But I just want more!

I want to be done losing weight. Only problem is, I keep moving my goal weight lower! First goal was to get to 150...then 145...then 140...now it's 135. And I won't know what my goal weight is until I hit it. I know I'm not happy being 144, so I have to keep losing until I find my "happy weight." All the "ideal weight" calculators and things say my ideal weight is 135. And I think that's right on. So that's what I'm shooting for now. But how freaking depressing is it that I have had this "last 10 pounds" to lose for such a long time now--BECAUSE I KEEP MOVING MY GOAL WEIGHT! Ugh. At least I'm 99.9% sure I will be happy (enough) at 135 and then I can just focus on toning everything up.

I want a job I actually LIKE. One where I actually use my brain? And make enough so I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck forever...And I could really use some new cute clothes, damnit! I've lost 40 pounds and I needs a new, stylish wardrobe! Fall is my absolute favorite season and I LOVE all the sweaters and boots out right now! And I want to wear them! But I can't afford them... :(

I also want an engagement ring. Ugh, I feel so stupid actually typing that. My bf and I have been together over 3 years now, living together for 2. Isn't it time?! He always told me it would happen after he bought a house. Alright, well, he bought the house in June. Let's get a move on, shall we? Of course I've told him I'm ready to get engaged and take the next step. We talk about our wedding and plan it in our heads. He tells me he really does want to marry me, and it will happen, just not right now. And here is where I want to throw a temper tantrum and ask, "Well why the hell not?!" He keeps assuring me that it will happen but I've heard that for over a year now! I guess I'm starting to get resentful. All these people who have met way after us are already married! I know I can't compare myself to them, but honestly, it's hard not to! I want the freaking ring, and the wedding, and the HUSBAND. I want the commitment that he will be there for me forever! I want the stability, and to take his last name. I want to be a family. And I don't know how long I will keep waiting. I will not be one of those girls who are with their men for 8+ years still waiting for the ring. Nope. I want marriage and children in the next few years. I won't settle. The hard part is, how will I know when it's time to move on? I know it's not anytime soon...but when?


KLC said...

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I have the exact same thoughts as you sometime...we talk about it enough, give me a ring already!! It's hard when it seems like everyone around you is getting engaged and getting married. Just try and be patient (and I will too, haha!) because when it finally does happen you will totally forget all the pity and impatience you had along the way... but hell no to waiting 8+ years, I totally agree on that haha!

Nicole said...

I swear I wrote that last paragraph! I also refuse to be one of those women. and right now I say 3 yrs max but as it gets closer to that I keep saying ok maybe 4. I really dont know when to say enough is enough.....We deserve the darn ring! =D

Morgan said...

Dani, I ~really~ understand you on this ring thing. Although we have a baby we are not married. (Yeah I know, we did everything ass backwards!) I do have a ring but the shitty part about it is that I was never "asked". We always talked about from the beginning that we wanted to spend the rest of our life together but the engagement part didn't go as I planned. Every little girl dreams about how they will be asked to marry and man and this and that but when I got older, it didn't go that way. He asked me to pick out my ring, which is nice because I got the ring I really liked and wanted, then he got the ring and we went to the mall together to pick it up from Zales. BUT, I missed out on the fun part of it. I missed out on the spontaneous "suprise" of being asked and not expecting it.
Now, we have a baby and are getting married next month but and it's not going to be exactly what you would call a "dream" wedding.
Anyways, I just wanted to tell you even though we aren't in the exact same situation I still completely understand where you are coming from?

Morgan said...

Didn't mean to put a "?"...I meant to put a "!" :)

Dani said...

Whew, at least I'm not alone in feeling like this!

And Morgan I get what you are saying! I feel like by the time he actually does propose people will say "it's about damn time!" instead of a genuine congratulations or something. I want to be swept off my feet with that fairytale proposal because the love of my life can't wait any longer without me as his wife. Haha, isn't that how it went when we were 12? I don't want it to take so long that I'm bitter and everyone else can't believe he finally popped the question.

Part of it is he has been engaged before...oh boy that story deserves it's own entire post though!

Organic Meatbag said...

Hey, we all need a pity party sometimes...the good thing is, things will get better!

Andy said...

I'm with you in the ideal weight thing. As for commitment, well, I can't really say much.

I've bee noving my ideal weight lower and lower. I'm now around the 125 pounds (I can't say exactly. I haven't had a scale for like 2 weeks now and I'm sure I've lost weight), but I'm STILL not fully happy about some body parts.

I wouldn't mind staying in that weight but getting my legs back to how toned they were a year ago.