Wednesday, November 4, 2009

When will I learn?

Confession time. The week before Halloween I was able to button & zip every pair of my goal pants except one. Granted, they were tight. But I still got them on and zipped up and I was 5lbs away from my (final) goal weight.

Then I don't know what happened. Ok, I do know. I ate. A LOT. I know there is a reason. I feel "off." I struggle with this. I don't know what is wrong or why I feel sad, but once again I used food to comfort me and make me feel better. And Halloween is my favorite "holiday" so I figured why the hell not, I might as well drink it up and enjoy myself. Did I stick to lower calorie drinks like rum & diet? Or white wine? Of course not! I had the sweet nectar of Malibu with pineapple juice! I haven't had one of those in seriously like 2 years! It was GOOD. :)

Oh, I also gained five freaking pounds in one week. FIVE. Do you know how long it took me to lose that 5 pounds?!?!

It's my fault. I'm not making excuses. But I wish I knew why I still feel the need to reach for food when the little black cloud gets over my head. I know better!

But I also know I have to move on and I have no choice but to keep plugging along. On Monday I started logging everything that went in my mouth. I'm staying between 1300-1400 calories and working out for 45mins each day. I used to weigh myself every day. Some people don't like weighing themselves every day, but it worked for me. I decided to try something different. I'm going to try and NOT weigh myself for as long as possible. I don't know how long I will make it...I'm hoping I can wait for at least 2 weeks...maybe 3? All I know is I don't want to step back on that scale until I fix the damage I did to myself last week.

I've been in the 140's for 6 months now. My goal is the mid 130's. Six months in the 140's is PATHETIC. For crying out loud I just need to suck it up and finish this part of my weight loss journey already! Part of it was I was busy buying the house. I also lost the gym at the apartment when we moved. The main reason why I've only lost 5 pounds the past 6 months (only to put it all back on in a week!) Is because I got lazy. I'm not overweight anymore. My BMI is normal. I started accepting my weight. I wasn't 50lbs overweight anymore, so why bother?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." Motivation is what got my started 40lbs ago. Habit is what kept me going. Then somewhere along the line, eating healthy every day wasn't a "habit" anymore. I gave in to pressure. Everyone would say. "You look so great! You don't need to lose anymore weight!" My bf would start bringing home baked goods and yummy wine because I wasn't "fat" anymore. These foods were banished when I was 185lbs and he understood why. Now? He doesn't think I need to be so strict... But obviously I do...

I'm officially "back on the wagon." I will get to my goal weight and I will zip up those goal jeans and have them fit with NO MORE muffin top.

And when I get there, I'll host a giveaway!!!

Any ideas on thing you guys would like to see in my giveaway? I would like it to be something fitness/health related. But I am also a normal woman and I think a good bottle of red wine and dark chocolate improves my health, so don't worry it won't be anything only rabbits or marathon runners can appreciate. I don't have a date for this giveaway yet, obviously the sooner I get to my goal weight, the sooner I will host it. And now I HAVE to stick with it and be done once and for all, of you will all be mad at me and not get free stuff! :)

Phew! That was long...sorry!


Sami said...

You can do it!!! :)

I have a few extra pounds I want to give the boot too; I hate having that awful stomach 'pooch', and the pants that used to fit now make my thighs feel like sausages. :(

You're right though, there are so many tasty distractions out there that make it SO hard!!

Nicole said...

Hey lady! Dont be so hard on yourself! You have already come a long long way and you can do this it was just a minor set back =D and hurry it up will ya I need a good bottle of red wine in my life! haha jk kinda ;)

KLC said...

I gained 5-8 lbs of "happy fat" since I started dating my boyfriend 2 years ago and I want it GONE NOW!!! I keep getting a bit of motivation and then losing it, ugh!!! Good luck!

(ps thanks for the shirt compliment, my mom bought it at anthropologie over the summer, my sister has the same one and we got our family pictures in them!)

LissaMarie said...

this post reminded me of myself, a lot. Don't be so hard on yourself girl! You have come SO far in your weight loss journey, and you deserve a treat every once in a while. I can't wait to hear about you achieving your goal weight!! Happy Thursday!

~Dawn~ said...

I'm going to keep coming back to this post for motivation. I have a wedding gown to fit into in a mere 5 months and I'm not able to get that will power up. It's so tough.. I feel like a foodaholic if ever there were such a thing. I need to hit that point where I yell "This is the day!".. Good luck on your weight loss venture. You sound like you're on your way.

Allyson said...

oh hun, i am sooooo there with you. last time i stepped on my enemy called the scale it told me i had gained 5lbs. that was a few weeks ago. i'm terrified to step on it again. i'm trying to schedule some time into my crazy schedule so i can start running again. i need to so desperately. *sigh*

do you run?

Whitney said...

Aw, congrats and good luck girl! :) You can do it... you can do it!