Thursday, October 29, 2009

My Sister

I have two sisters. One is 16, one is 19. I also have a brother who is 18. They all have the same dad. (I have a different dad, but he was never in the picture. )The older one is Cassandra. We have never really been super close. But we're still sisters and we love each other, or so I thought.

I moved out of my mom's house when I was 16. We had a falling out of sorts. So I wasn't around as much as I could have been. But I still called Cassandra and e-mailed her all the time. I was always there for birthdays/Christmas, etc. As she got older, she started fighting with our mom over EVERYTHING. Truth be told, Cassandra is very moody. She thinks she is better than the rest of us. She is sooo much "smarter." (Even though I constantly remind her my ACT score was higher than hers!) She's into black, baggy clothes, anime, and stretching her earlobes. Total opposite of a girly girl. But we all grew used to her, that's just who she was. I guess she felt like she never fit in. But truth be told, she wasn't making much of an effort herself.

Her dad was never a part of her life. He and my mom divorced when I was in 3rd grade. He was supposed to take his kids every other weekend, for a couple months in the summer, holidays, etc. He never saw them. He claimed he couldn't afford to drive up and see them (2 hours away.) He's a total tool and I've always hated him. If you were a REAL man, you would find a way to make the 2 hour trip to see your kids. The younger two kids eventually learned to stop looking for love and support from their dad because they were tired of being let down. Cassandra kept hope and love alive for her dad. Her senior year of high school her dad started sending her money and gifts. He also got her a cell phone. (After the cell phone she had thru my mom got taken away because of bad behavior/bad grades. Nothing like going behind her back, huh?)

Even when my brother attempted suicide he never showed up until 2 days later. Nice, huh?

I always had a gut feeling once Cassandra graduated and went to college she would cut us out of her life. She blamed us for everything that went wrong in her life. But in her eyes, her dad and his family was perfect. It finally happened at my housewarming party of all places. I'd been telling Cassandra for months that she better be at my party. I mean, I only buy my first house once! She assured me she would be there numerous times. The morning of the party she showed up at my house at 8am. WTF? The party didn't start until 2pm! She told me that she only had an hour then she had to leave because her dad needed her help that day.

So, basically, she slapped me in my face and basically told me that I was not important enough. Being her sister and BUYING A HOUSE isn't as important as helping her dad clean his apartment?! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

I told her to come back later that night when she was done "helping her dad." She showed up around 9pm. She asked my mom where her calculator was, if she found it after she moved out? Then she came up to me, gave me a hug, and stormed off.

That was the last time I saw my sister. The next day she blocked me from her facebook, changed her number and her e-mail. She sent me one last note that said as long as I have our mom and the other siblings in my life, she wanted nothing to do with me. If I wasn't on her dad's side, then I wasn't allowed in her life. She hasn't spoken to me, my mom, or anyone else on that side of the family since that August night. I was shocked at first, and obviously hurt. She is going to miss EVERYTHING. She won't be in my wedding, she won't meet my first child, won't be there when our grandma dies (who is in very bad health...) etc. I cried and was numb. I lost a sister. I had to grieve.

But now? Of course I'm sad she chose her pathetic, low-life, scum of a father over us. But at the same time, that was her choice. She is an adult. And apparently, she is nothing but a heartless bitch. F*ck her. I miss her everyday but if she is so cold to cut out everyone in the entire family then I'm not missing much. If she changes her mind, I'll welcome her back with open arms. But I am d-o-n-e being sad over someone who doesn't deserve it.

My mom asks me weekly if I've heard anything from Cassandra. Every week I have to tell her No and it breaks her heart a little bit more to realize her child cut her out of her life. For what?! Because they didn't get along when she was a teenager? PLEASE! I hated my mom when I was 16 too. I even moved out!! But you grow up, realize parents aren't perfect, and you move on. It's not like our mom was on drugs or hit us. She was a stressed out, single mom. I don't agree with everything she has done either. But at least she was THERE. And that's a hell of a lot more than I can say about her "father."


LissaMarie said...

=[ im' so sorry to hear about this. I have a brother that is similar to your sister,he thinks he is better than everyone in my family and blames us for anything that goes wrong in his life. So I feel where you are coming from. Hopefully she comes around eventually. But, if not, love your mom that much more to make up for your sister not being there. Happy weekend girl! hope you have a great halloween!

Andy said...

So sorry to read this... At the end of the day, she's FAMILY.

We can't chose our family, so we have to learn how to live with them. Hopefully, your sister will realize how unfair this is to your mom, who raised her by herself, while her dad was never there for her.

And as LissaMarie said, try to be there for your mom, because the "loss" of a son is the hardest thing ever.