Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Weird dream

I had a really weird dream last night. The worst part of it was how vivid and real it seemed. It started out with me being pregnant. I remember I was scared, but really happy. Then I remember getting this super cute bump, but I was full term and still only looked like I was maybe 6 months pregnant? I thought maybe something was wrong with the baby because I was so small still but everything checked out fine. I went into labor and went to the hospital with Tom and my mom and sisters joined me. I was already 8cm dilated when I got to the hospital (how detailed, right?) Anyway, my labor stalled and I didn't progress at all for hours and hours. Eventually I had the baby (naturally) but it was dead. A stillborn. I was in shock & denial. I said, "I was pregnant for 9 months, I am NOT leaving without a baby!" So I bought a cabbage patch doll from the store and dressed it up like a baby and put it in the stroller and everything! When I got home I threw the doll down and said that I didn't want a stupid doll, I wanted my baby! Then I started crying. No--I totally LOST it. I was bawling my eyes out, I was crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath. The grief I felt was unbearable. I couldn't believe my baby was dead. In the dream, I thought about ending my life because I felt dead inside already from the loss of this baby. I was a horrible mother for letting that happen!

Then I woke up?! I still felt awful. Obviously I knew it was a dream, but I felt like staying in bed and crying? That pain felt so real even though I was awake. It was crazy! I've never had a dream like that before. And I've never even been pregnant...so? Yeah. Someone want to dissect that mess of a dream?! Haha!

3 comments:

Nicole said...

Awwww that sounds awful. I have dreams that are so real I actually feel the emotion all day! But once I realize it was a dream I am very relieved.

Whitney said...

Oh no! :( That is awful...

When I first found out I was pregnant I was only 3 weeks and I had very vivid dreams of having a miscarriage... I often woke up sweating and seeing "red" everywhere. It was awful. I am only 8 weeks and 4 days right now but thank god those dreams have passed... but they have passed on to my boyfriend... so I guess that isn't a good thing either.

They are scary... but it doesn't always mean they are real! Right?

Allyson said...

oh my gosh Dani! i have vivid dreams like that and when they are bad ones, i feel the effects for a few days. just keep telling yourself that it's just a dream. maybe you are having worries about having a baby??

are you preggo??!!