I had a really weird dream last night. The worst part of it was how vivid and real it seemed. It started out with me being pregnant. I remember I was scared, but really happy. Then I remember getting this super cute bump, but I was full term and still only looked like I was maybe 6 months pregnant? I thought maybe something was wrong with the baby because I was so small still but everything checked out fine. I went into labor and went to the hospital with Tom and my mom and sisters joined me. I was already 8cm dilated when I got to the hospital (how detailed, right?) Anyway, my labor stalled and I didn't progress at all for hours and hours. Eventually I had the baby (naturally) but it was dead. A stillborn. I was in shock & denial. I said, "I was pregnant for 9 months, I am NOT leaving without a baby!" So I bought a cabbage patch doll from the store and dressed it up like a baby and put it in the stroller and everything! When I got home I threw the doll down and said that I didn't want a stupid doll, I wanted my baby! Then I started crying. No--I totally LOST it. I was bawling my eyes out, I was crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath. The grief I felt was unbearable. I couldn't believe my baby was dead. In the dream, I thought about ending my life because I felt dead inside already from the loss of this baby. I was a horrible mother for letting that happen!
Then I woke up?! I still felt awful. Obviously I knew it was a dream, but I felt like staying in bed and crying? That pain felt so real even though I was awake. It was crazy! I've never had a dream like that before. And I've never even been pregnant...so? Yeah. Someone want to dissect that mess of a dream?! Haha!