The one that got away

I've seen this topic going around as part of a writers workshop. And boy, do I have a story for you!

Brian & I

Brian & I met when I was a freshman in college. I was visiting a friend of mine 2 hours away and Brian was his roommate. It was literally love at first sight. I walked into my friends apartment and saw Brian and I felt hot from my head to my toes! I'm pretty sure I lost my breath too? Anyway, we both clicked right away and were hot & heavy right from the start. We were long distance for a few months. I drove 2 hours to see this boy EVERY weekend. He was 4 years older than me so when he finished college after a few months, he moved back home--which was actually the town I was living in. We moved in together. I fell harder and harder in love with him. We were a perfect fit. I remember laughing about nothing with him until the sun came up the next day! Anything was fun when he was around. We spent our days sleeping in late, exploring new restaurants, and just enjoying each other.

Here's part of an e-mail he sent me once....We were joking that S.print sent us a bill for 30 cents..."Some day we won't have to worry about 30 cent bills, and we will be happier. For now, I will continue to live on the fact that I know I have you, and you love me. That's all that matters."

Later that fall, I quit my job because I was going to go back to school. I thought I had another one lined up that would work with my school schedule better, but it fell thru. I became jobless and depressed. Without a job, I couldn't afford school. I gained weight and started to hate myself. And this is where it all goes south...

Money was tight. Brian blamed me. I felt like I was never good enough and nothing I did was going to be enough. I got another job, working at a nursing home where Brian's grandma was living. He said he was "embarrassed" to tell people what I did for a living. I told him I take care of his grandma, how can he be embarrassed of that? Either way, I couldn't live up to his standards.

I remember new years eve on 12-31-05. We toasted to "A brighter future--together. We would get through this rough patch and get our lives back on track." He promised to love me forever. I believed him. I was stupid.

A short 2 months later his phone went off in the middle of the night. I told him to answer it in case it was an emergency. He said no and went back to sleep. I was worried something was wrong so I checked the phone. It was Katy. His ex. I didn't think they talked anymore? He hadn't seen her in like 3 years? So why the phone call at 2am? Come to find out, she had also graduated college and was back in town looking for a job. And they had been hanging out together. IN OUR APARTMENT! The month of February 2006 I'm not sure I was really alive. He hung out with Katy more and more leaving me home alone. He eventually told me he loved me but he thought he was also in love with her again. He left me alone on Valentines day. I asked him that night if he still loved me. He said he wasn't sure.

My world ended.

Literally everything I believed in, crumbled. The man I fell in love with, who was my best friend, the one person I thought I would be with forever, didn't love me anymore? How could that be? I didn't eat, didn't sleep. I remember being so tired and weak that I cried and cried in the shower one morning and couldn't get out. That pain I felt, I can't even describe it correctly. I honestly had a broken heart. It was physically painful.

Eventually Katy started e-mailing me. Telling me how Brian was going to leave me for her and how I was a horrible person and he deserved better. I still have those e-mails. I'm not sure why I kept them? Anyway, one day something clicked and I decided I couldn't live like this anymore. I called my mom and moved out of our apartment. From start to finish (I had nothing packed) within 4 hours. We also had 2 cats together. I took them both. :) Ha! He called me when he came home from work and all he said was, "I want my cat back." I guess I didn't mean much after all...

The next few months, I don't remember much of. I went to work, and slept. I lost 40 pounds. 4 months after I left, I started to feel human again. I started dating (A LOT!) and eventually met Tom. I haven't talked to Brian since. Katy & him actually moved to South Carolina together. And guess what? He dumped her 2 weeks ago. Karma, bitch. KARMA. :)

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I wrote before about Tom's ex fiance and how much he loved her...only to have her cheat on him with one of his friends. She broke his heart. She is to Tom what Brian is to me. We both have similar stories about loving someone more than we thought possible only to get burned. She is still a part of his heart, just as Brian is a part of mine. And I hate that. I know I can't change the past...But life would be a lot easier if we both didn't have so much f*cking baggage seeping into our relationship.

Tom & Nikki--(He had a lot more hair back then)

There ya have it. The one(s) that got away! (Thank God!!)

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Tom & ME! How it's supposed to be. :)