I was up for a couple hours last night. And since I had nothing better to do (other than eat Twizzlers and milk at 3am, classy) I starting thinking about my future.
And that scared the crap out of me!
You see, I have no freaking clue what to do with my life. For starters, I work at a decent job that pays the bills. However, if I were single, I would be broke-ass poor. The only reason I'm living a middle-class life right now is because of the boyfriend. I need to decide if I am going to go back to school or just find another job (hopefully one I actually like because I will have a mental breakdown if I stay at my current job another few years. I will grow fangs and bite people's head's off. Literally. Don't believe me? You've never been to my job...)
And secondly, is my boyfriend the guy I'm supposed to be with? As in forever? I still don't really know. I do know that love isn't everything. And sometimes I think I am with him because he is a good, stable guy and I think we could have a nice marriage. But sometimes I wonder if I am missing out on a tear-your-clothes-off, IwantyouNOW kind of relationship. Will I regret staying with him when I'm 40 and in a passionless marriage? Will that happen? Where the HELL is a forture teller when you need one! Ugh!
I need to take my life one day at a time. The big picture scares the crap out of me. It's not like I'm getting married tomorrow. (I'm not even engaged!) I guess I have time to decide if this is THE guy for me. But I do need to light a fire under my ass and decide on school.
Which reminds me...what the f*ck would I major in?!? And did I mention I am 23, not 19! I should have this shit figured out by now!
It's times like this when I hate being on a diet because I can't drown my liver in some (tons of) vodka! Alcohol always makes being an adult much easier, or at least, more fun!
But seriously, if someone can just tell me who I am going to marry, and what to do about my career I will pay you. Just not a lot. I'm poor, remember?