Merry Christmas, 2010!

4 weeks!

Only 4 weeks until I am a married woman! Every weekend until we leave is jam packed with errands. I even had to make a little list of things we need to do and what days to do them! This weekend is a little slower. All we have to do is re-arrange our living room to fit in our new furniture, clean the house, do laundry, have a lunch date with friends, and we have bowling. And that's just Saturday! On Sunday we will be busy with a holiday party for Tom's work "team" all afternoon! It's usually a good time. There will be wine, food, and a gingerbread house contest! Oh, and somewhere in there I do to send out my Christmas cards, too! Time is seriously FLYING BY!

Last day of November

Today is November 30th. Tomorrow officially marks the first  day of DECEMBER--my wedding month! How crazy is that?! I can't believe how fast this year has gone! And the closer it gets, the faster time goes! I only have 3.5 weeks of work left until my vacation starts! Woot!

I'm starting to get the vacation bug. Where it's getting harder and harder to focus at work...and I have a million little things to do before we leave and I'm trying to cram it all into the few weekends we have left. Plus Christmas is coming! December is going to be CRAZY!

We aren't going home for Christmas this year since we leave 3 days later and then will be spending an entire week with our families...but we did go home for Thanksgiving. That was horrible... It started out fine. We had dinner at my mom's and then we all went to bed at 10pm and were all up by 2am to have some coffee and head into walmart for some Black Friday shopping!! There were 5 of us total and thankfully we had a 24hr walmart so we got to wait inside because it was 5 degrees outside!! Anyway, we got a few t.v's and my brother & sister got a camera for the trip. It was actually really fun and not nearly as bad as people make it out to be! It's so exciting getting a good deal! We saved over 1,000! That's worth a couple hours in line, for sure!

We also bought new living room furniture at HOM. We needed it anyway, we were just waiting for their sale. :)

But on Friday we had dinner at Tom's mom's house and his brother was drinking and ended up saying some really stupid, mean, and incredibly rude things. His mom even told him he was being an ass to me and he flipped out and literally yelled at her. I was so fed-up with his family being mean about this wedding that I started crying, packed my stuff, and left. I have had enough. He had NO RIGHT to talk to me like that and when everyone told him that much, he got mad at them too! I hate Tom's family so much. I didn't know it was possible to have such EVIL people be considered FAMILY. And how did Tom turn out so good?!?!?!?!?

Anyway, I'm putting that behind me. I left because I'm not going to let him/his family bring me down right now. I have only a month left until my wedding and I am going to enjoy it!!

Murphy's law

So Saturday didn't go as planned. We woke up to our first snow of the season. And it snowed A LOT. About 8 inches. And my dress fitting got cancelled. That's the whole reason I drive 4 hours round trip to get my sister, so she could be there! Ugh! 

And then almost everyone cancelled for our wedding shower because of the weather. Out of the 30 people invited, only 8 showed up. And this includes my mom, sister, grandma, and uncle. So, pretty much just family. I was really bummed. I know the weather wasn't any one's fault but my shower was a giant fail. My mom & grandma spent a bunch of time and money for this party just to have nobody show up. :( But I did get a couple nice gifts from my family and the cake was delicious! (and I smashed some in Tom's face! hehe. We both agreed not to do it at our wedding so I had to do it now!) Pictures from the day below...
 

 

 

 

Good News!

I am in a great mood today!!

1. Our marriage application & notarized documents made it to Jamaica and they are in the hand of our wedding coordinator! It only took almost a month longer than it should have! But at least they are there and we don't have to deal with re-sending them. We are one step closer to legally getting married in Jamaica! Woot!

2. I'm off work tomorrow. I'm picking up my little sister after school and she is staying the night with me.

3. I have my final dress fitting on Saturday morning! I can't wait to see it now that it fits perfectly!

4. We have our wedding shower on Saturday afternoon!

I have a great weekend ahead of me! :)

Sad

I feel really bad for Tom. We found out that his dad had his 3rd stroke over the weekend. It wasn't a bad one. They let him out the same day. His doctors say everything is fine. But he's 95% sure he's NOT coming to Jamaica for the wedding now.

Out of the 17 guests, only 2 are from Tom's family. I feel so bad for him that his family is like that. Obviously I'm not upset with his dad for not going. He has a medical reason. But I'm still not over the whole fiasco with his brother and his b*tch of a wife.

My family is throwing Tom & I a little "couples shower" for us this Saturday. So far, no one from Tom's family is coming. I'm hurt. Tom says they just aren't a "close" family. But my gosh! This is a huge, important event in his life and they don't give a crap! I really hope that once we have kids we are able to make our family totally different. I can't imagine missing my child's wedding shower, or their entire wedding for that matter!

I'm really bummed. :(

Under 2 months!

We are now under the 2 month mark! I can't believe how fast time is flying by!

Last Friday I had my first dress fitting. I was so nervous! But I got there and the lady was very nice and thankfully my dress still fit! WooHoo! She needs to take the dress in, but sadly it's in the bust area! I'm also adding push-up cups to help give me a little *extra* up top. I go back in two weeks for the (hopefully) final fitting. I'm going to bring my sister with so she can practice the corset and bustle. And then I'll try the finished dress on with all my accessories to make my final decisions for everything. I'm really excited to see the finished product now that it will be the right length and everything.

After my next dress fitting is my little family shower. Both Tom and I have teeny tiny families so it won't be very big. It's also a "couples shower." Then the week after that the ladies I work with are throwing me a shower too. Then it's Thanksgiving and then it's DECEMBER which equals WEDDING MONTH. :)

Our weekend

Our weekend started off on a bad note. Friday night Tom called his brother because we needed some info from his passport for our travel agent. I told Tom to remind his brother that he NEEDS to buy some dress clothes. His brother was refusing to buy dress clothes even though the resort has a mandatory dress code! If he didn't dress up he wouldn't be allowed into the restaurant for our wedding dinner/reception! So anyway, Tom told him that he really needs to suck it up and buy some clothes. His brother finally agreed and stopped being an ass about it.

BUT...

He also said that he will only have $500 and not the $700 he still owes. Tom said no problem and I flipped out. I can't believe he is taking MORE money from us. Back when we first got engaged we told his brother that we would give him $500 to help cover the flight cost. That left him with $1,000 he had to pay. But then when it came time for the downpayment, he magically didn't have the money (He had it. His dad just gave each kid $5,000 for Christmas!!!) So we had to pay his $400 downpayment as well. Then we had to pay his $130 for the charter fishing trip we are taking down there. And now he wants ANOTHER $200?!?! I just don't get it. It's NOT FAIR! We told him we would give him $500 and now we have paid $1200! WTF is that?! And of course Tom won't stand up to him because he really wants his brother there. I am livid with his brother. It's not like we have the money either. That money we have to give him is coming out of our trip fund! To Tom it's "just another $200" but I'm looking at the big picture where that brings our total up to $1200 when we agreed on $500. I can tell you one thing, that deadbeat won't be getting any nice presents from me for the rest of his life. And of course he won't pay us back either. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Tom's family. Seriously, the ONLY one in that family that is a decent human being is his mother. At least I will have a great mother-in-law. All the rest of them I would be happy never having to see them for the rest of my life.

Moving on... On Saturday we went to Target and registered for some things. The ladies I work with are throwing me a shower in November and they kept bugging me to register. It was actually harder than I thought it would be! We only have 22 things on there. If we were having a traditional wedding with 150 people there would be no way we could find enough stuff to register for!

I had off from work yesterday so I did some cleaning around the house and raked some leaves. It felt good to get the house clean because it has been a mess for awhile now. Then we went to city hall and the post office and sent off our documents to Jamaica to apply for our marriage license! Hopefully it will get there early next week and everything can get approved and ready to go! We're getting so close!

Dress Fitting

I just scheduled my first dress fitting. It's exactly 2 weeks from today. Which means I can't eat anything but carrots and green beans for the next two weeks. Ha ha! I don't know why but I am SO nervous to do my dress fittings. It seriously gives me a panic attack just thinking about it! I finally called and scheduled it today because I'm really starting to run out of time! And of course I'm a stress eater and that is the total opposite of what I need right now. And to top it off, one of my friends made me a mini "better-than-sex" cake. So I have that delicious thing sitting at home tempting me. UGH.

I also heard back and we can't have a private dinner reception that night because it's a holiday. However, they aren't going to make us eat at the crummy buffet (which I was REALLY worried about.) and they will make a reservation for us at their Italian restaurant. It's the nicer one and they have a dress code. I can handle that. I just couldn't imagine having to walk around the buffet with my wedding dress! Ew!

Packing list

 FYI: may be TMI

There are several things I need to make sure are on my packing list for Jamaica. There is the obvious, wedding dress, sunscreen, swim suits, etc. But as I learned today I need to make sure I bring some UTI meds. UGH! 

I get UTI infections A LOT. They are also very severe. It is so annoying and painful! I do everything they say to do to try and avoid them (which has helped some) but I always get a handful of them every year without fail. I wish there was something I could do to fix the problem, but I can't. My doctor said I am just prone to them. Some women are and some aren't.

So after being in extreme pain all day I had to leave work early and go home. And it reminded me to make sure 1,000% I bring those meds with because if this happened there it would ruin the entire trip until I felt better. I pee literally every 5-10 minutes. Can you imagine me at the altar trying to get hitched but needing a pee break every 5-10 minutes?! nice.

Randoms

I have a couple random things to blog about tonight...

1. My brother texted me and apologized for telling me to go f*ck myself. I thanked him for the apology and left it at that. I still don't know if he's coming to my wedding, but it's too raw to talk to him yet.

2. All this stress had brought on the stress binge eating for me. I knew what was happening and why but I couldn't stop it for 3 days. I gained about 1-2 pounds from it. (literally, I consumed an extra 4,000 calories over my daily limit over those three days.) I'm really scared that I will have to deal with this forever. However, good news is I stopped it after three days. I was back on track today and got in a workout. It was a minor set back but gaining one pound won't kill me. I'll have it gone by Friday. 

3. I had a dream last night that Tom was gay. We were already married and super happy. I was heartbroken. He wanted to stay married to me though. He said he loved me and he was happily married, but he needed me to know the truth that he was gay. I was debating if I wanted to break up my marriage or not. I woke up before I found out what my decision was. Weird. (No, I do not think Tom is gay in ANY way.)

 4. I ordered vintage hankies from etsy for my mom, grandma, mother-in-law, and myself. I got the pics today (see below) and I can't wait to give them to them at the wedding. I really think they will like them. :)

Bridal Meltdown

I've had a few meltdowns over my wedding so far. (Mainly over the whole drama with Sis-in-law and how much of a b*tch she is.) But I had another one today.

My brother has a long history of depression/ suicide attempts. He has also been acting like a giant ass hole to everyone in my family lately. No one can stand him! He's a totally different person. He's been such an ass hole to me that I told him I would only pay for his flight if he apologized to me, His response? "Go f*ck yourself. I'm not going to your wedding. "

Lovely.

Then that night he cut himself and landed in the hospital --AGAIN. He has been putting my family through this song and dance over and over and over! He needs help but he REFUSES therapy and medication. There is nothing we can do to help him. My poor mom lives in fear about when the next phone call will come. Because it ALWAYS does. So we have to go through that again...

I'm done with him. I can't stand him. He refuses to get help, shits all over everyone and basically treats everyone like dirt. And telling me to go f*ck myself? I'm over him. I don't care if he is family. Unless he apologizes to me, I want nothing to do with him. He's ruining everyone else's lives too, not just his own. My mom can't even sleep without medication because she is so worried she will get a call about my brother. She lets him walk all over her. He's pathetic.

He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. Looks like I'll just have to go alone.

So on top of dealing with this drama--AGAIN-- My travel agent told me today that Delta cancelled our flights for the wedding. This was all it took for me to LOSE IT. I was trying not to start crying my eyes out at work. I e-mailed Tom about it and told him that I'm done with this wedding and I want to cancel it.

I'm half way serious. My engagement has NOT been happy. And it really doesn't seem worth it anymore. I can't handle all this stress and every thing going wrong. I still have 3 more months to go. Who knows how many more times my flight will get cancelled, or what else will go wrong!

Oh! I forgot! My wedding coordinator told me on Friday that we can't have a private dinner reception at the resort because it's NYE and it's not possible. So they expect me to walk around the buffet in my wedding dress on my WEDDING DAY?! Hell No. I WILL be a bridezilla.

Everything is falling apart and I don't know if I can keep it together.

Single digits--99 days!

We are down to 99 days left until the wedding! We started with 365 days, an entire YEAR and somehow we've already lost 266 of those days?! holy cow! And I know the next 99 will go even faster than the rest! I'm already shocked that it will be October in a week!

I also have to get my dress in for my fittings soon. I keep putting it off. For some reason I'm "scared" to get my dress fitted because that makes it so "Real" and that scares me. Oh well, It will have to be done in about another month or so like it or not.

I also got our sand ceremony kit yesterday and I love it. (picture below.) I don't have a lot of things left to do. Almost everything is done. Which is both good and bad. I'm reeeeeally nervous to get married. It's only getting worse the closer the wedding gets. However, I only get to be engaged for so long. I only get to be a bride planning her wedding once. So I'm really trying to enjoy it before it's all over!

I don't know how to flirt

Apparently flirting is a skill where "you use it or you lose it" comes into play.

I've been with Tom a little over 4 years. I have no reason to flirt with someone. (not that it happens all the time anyway. I'm usually with Tom when I go out.)

Yesterday on the shuttle after work (we have to park off campus) this guy was flirting and laying it on thick! I was so embarrassed and it was so awkward! I didn't know what to do! (he couldn't see my engagement ring. I had too much stuff in my hands.) I just kinda fumbled my words around like an idiot! Doh! It was hard knowing how to act? I didn't want to be too friendly or flirty back (I am engaged after all) but I didn't want to be cold and/or rude to the guy either. (and yes, he was tall and cute! *sigh*)

after the chit chat and the LONGEST shuttle ride ever I got off. He waved as he walked to his car and said. "Have a good night, hope to see you around."

Oh boy.

I work at a hospital, there's tons of employees. But now I have to avoid this guy when I see him. Haha!

At least I know I've still got it! ;)

Lasik & Babies

Apparently these two things go hand-in-hand when it comes to my future in the next year.

I had my eye exam last week. (I am very blind. I can't see anything without my glasses/contacts and can't function AT ALL. It's bad.) So I am talking to the DR and he asks if my mom and siblings all have bad eyes and I said "yes." He told me that any future children I might have need to get their eyes checked before they start pre-school because he bets 99% they will have really bad eyes too. :( Sadness. (But it doesn't really shock me. I got glasses for the first time when I was 5 or 6, too)

Also, I got a big shock when it came to the total it will cost me to order glasses and contacts. My prescription is good for 2 years. And for ONE pair of glasses (with a cheap $60 frame!) and contacts it will cost me about $800. My prescription is so strong they need to make special lenses for me. And my contacts are also $$ because not every brand makes contacts as strong as I need them. I also have an astigmatism. Awesome.

$800 every 2 years for the REST OF MY LIFE. (not including contact solution. That sh*t adds up!)

Enter: Lasik.

Tom said I need to go ahead and get lasik done. It will probably cost around 3,000 but when you consider all they money I will spend over the nest few years, it makes sense. However, my prescription just changed and in order to get lasik they want you to have a stable prescription for at least a year. So I won't qualify until next September. (Assuming my prescription won't change much in the next year.)

However, we were planning on TTC next spring/summer. And depending on how fast it happened for us, there is a possibility I would be pregnant by September. And you can't get Lasik if you're pregnant.

So it looks like we are shooting for Lasik in Sept and TTC right after my surgery. I want to meet with a surgeon after the wedding to make sure there aren't any other issues that wouldn't allow me to have the surgery. (Such as my eyes being TOO bad and un-fixable *tear*) But as of right now Sept 2011 might be a busy month for me!

Anyone ever had Lasik? Good? Bad?

Ghosts of boyfriends past

I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Obviously I know it's because of my (quickly approaching!) wedding. But I keep having dreams about ex boyfriends, friends, men I'm simply attracted to, random men, whatever. And most of the time, it's pretty *steamy* if ya know what I mean ;)

I guess my "asleep brain" is nervous to get married. And I'm nervous to get married and be with ONE person for the REST.OF.MY.LIFE. And so apparently the only solution is to have steamy dreams about other men. Ha!

I've heard of people having "wedding nightmares" and as far as they go, I'd say I'm one of the more lucky ones! Haha ;)

Spinach Smoothie

I'm really trying to get away from eating processed food. Both Tom and I both want to make more of our own food and eat better. We already eat at home most nights, but we can always eat better.

One of my biggest areas is with breakfast. I don't have a lot of time in the morning so I always fill my mug with coffee and grab a granola bar. It's not a horrible breakfast, but it's not the best. The granola bars are full of added sugar and fake crap. So this morning I made my first "green monster" or a smoothie with spinach in it!

Verdict? YUMMY & filling!

Here's what I included:

1 banana

1 scoop chocolate protein powder

1 cup milk

2 cups spinach

ice

It was very good. The banana masked the taste of the spinach. It didn't look very good, but it tasted fine. And it kept me super full for 4 hours! Plus, I can't beat already having 2 cups of veggies under my belt before lunch!

I'm going to try and make these every morning for breakfast. I have a bunch of different kinds of frozen fruit from Trader Joe's to try too.

Birthday Recap

Tom's 29th birthday weekend was very fun, but it went by super fast!

The birthday boy!

We started off by heading about 2 hours away to a little hotel right on a lake. It was a super cute little hotel and we had a nice view of the lake! We unpacked our stuff and headed into town to pick up some drinks and to have some dinner. Then we headed out on a charter fishing trip.

Our boat

The fishing was pretty fun. Tom caught two walleyes. (One was too big to keep.) We both like fishing but it's hard to go when you live in the middle of a huge city with no access to a lake close by. We also went out fishing the next morning. It was SUPER windy! There were huge waves that were spilling over the side of the boat and it was so rocky I really thought I was going to be sick!! *note to self, bring motion sickness meds when we go fishing in Jamaica!!! *

After that we headed to a water park for the afternoon and spent the rest of it just floating down the lazy river. :)

Our last trip was a dinner cruise down a river. And by this point I was SO SICK OF WATER AND BOATS! Haha!!

Dinner cruise boat

Us :)

29!

Today my fiance is 29 years old! I hope he enjoys his last birthday in his 20's, and his last as a free man! Haha

Happy Birthday, Tom!

P.S. I'm taking bets on if he'll have any hair left by his 30th birthday, ;)

The name debate

2010 is like the year of weddings for me. I know tons and tons of people getting married this year. (myself included!) Some of these women struggle with the decision to change their name or not. It's a super easy decision for me.

I'm changing my name.

I have no connection to my last name at all. It's technically my ex step-dad's last name. My mom got married when I was 4 or 5? And I hated that my mom was changing her name and I would have a different name then her and my future siblings. So I went to court, stood in front of a judge, and at 5 years old, changed my name.

However, that step-dad turned into a giant tool and he's not someone I wish to share a name with. I can't wait to take my Fiance's last name. I feel like that will really make us a family. I also want our future kids and me to all have the same name.

There's one kink in this plan...I've heard of it taking up to 6 months to get your official marriage certificate from Jamaica. Which means I can't change my name or be added to his insurance for up to 6 months. And even then that doesn't mean the process will be easy. I work with a girl who got married a few weeks ago. (Here in MN) and she's even having a hard time getting her name changed and everything switched over. And she has a US marriage! Who knows the hoops I'll have to jump thru to validate my Jamaican marriage. So while we may be married on 12/31, the USA might not agree with us right away.

Divorce

The divorce rate right now is high. Too high. I'm only 25 and I already have numerous divorced friends. In some cases, divorce is needed. (cheating, abuse, etc.) I also believe if two people really tried every option and are still miserable, it's better for the children to have to single, happy parents then married and miserable parents.

But sometimes I think people give up too easily and don't try hard enough to keep their marriages together. I also think gay people should have the right to get married. At least at the court house. I have nothing against the Catholic church banning gay marriage. However, church and state are separate. And I think they should be able to get married elsewhere.

Anyway, there was an article printed in the local paper today about the divorce rate. Apparently it's increasing. It's 8% higher than 2009. And one idiot posted this comment...

"Marriage is a thing of the PAST... I truly believe if we could only see marriage as a thing we did in the past we won't have so many messed up kids. I live with my girl friend and we both take breaks from one another which make the relationship stronger. She has kids and they don’t need to see how frustrating normal life gets between two people."

WTF. So instead her kids get to see mommy and her boyfriend bang other people during one of their "breaks?" How is this normal? How is this better for the kids? I think they should see that life isn't roses all the time and mom and dad do get frustrated with each other but that it takes hard work and communication to make a relationship work. "Taking a break" when life gets tough is NOT something I want to teach my future children. That comment is so wrong in so many ways.

Relaxing Weekend

This weekend has been pretty nice. Yesterday we ran a bunch of errands and went out to lunch. Then we came home and watched movies and drank a pitcher of frozen margaritas. (Oops, I'm on a diet...now I remember!)

The weather has been nasty here lately. FINALLY today it went from 95 degrees and 70% humidity to a nice 73 degrees and breezy. It finally feels like Minnesota again!

I just finished my 30 minute jog and now I'm off to do the 30 day shred. (trying to make up for those margaritas last night! ;) Haha) I've worked out 5 of the last 6 days. My calories have all been right on target. (except for Saturday) I really don't have a lot of time left before my dress fitting, I need to get to my goal and stay there. I'm also thinking about running a 5k if I can find someone to do it with me.

I've also need to give my blog a facelift. A lot has changed in the 2 years I've been blogging and I'm ready for a change! So I entered a giveaway to hopefully win a gift certificate toward a blog makeover!

"Bloggy Blog Designz is having a Giveaway!!! They are giving away all kinds of goodies. Plus ALL entrants will receive 20% off any purchase through the end of the month! Be sure to check out their website for more information, or to enter yourself. "

How is it August 11th already?

This summer has gone by SO FAST! After buying the house last summer and doing all the work on it, we figured this summer would be nice and relaxing. Somehow, we have managed to stay really busy and the time is flying by!

The end of this month (Aug 27th) is Tom's 29th birthday. We are going up north to stay the night at a hotel and go out on a charter fishing trip. Then we are going to a dinner cruise up a river the following night to celebrate. I can't believe that Tom will be 29. And next year will be a HUGE change for him. He'll be turning 30, be MARRIED, and we will be trying to get pregnant (or be already?). He better enjoy this birthday while he can! haha.

I don't have a ton of stuff left to do for the wedding. I have to buy a garter and the sand ceremony set. And we have to get our birth certificates notarized and all the paperwork sent off to Jamaica. And then in October I have to get my dress fittings done. Christmas will be here before we know it and then---JAMAICA!

Let's see...I haven't been up to anything else it seems. Enjoying this season of Big Brother and keeping up with my running. After I finished the C25K program I was having problems finishing the 30 minute runs. I was getting so upset! So I decided to slow the treadmill down a little bit. Instead of jogging at 5MPH (Yeah, that's even SLOW!) I went down to 4.8 and it made a HUGE difference! I am finally able to finish my runs in full now. And that's a good thing since I have my dress fittings in about 2 months...Where did this year go? I feel like I just got engaged!

The "One"

They (whoever they are) say that when you meet the right one, you just know. What does this even mean? It wasn't love at first sight with Tom. It took awhile to decide if I wanted to get serious with him. And we dated 4 years before we got engaged...and I still have days where I question if we're making the right decision. I do love him, but marriage is supposed to be forever...and that's scary. We're both from divorced families. We're both still in our 20's and we already have multiple friends who were married, and divorced already. And I'm scared. I really want to get married once, and only once. So how do you make it work against all odds? How are you sure you're making the right decision? I guess it's "blind faith" because nobody ever knows 100% about it, you just make it work somehow. That terrifies me. The unknown...

Any advice? How do you "just know" that someone is the right person for you? And any tips on making a marriage work forever?

(Nothing happened to make me feel this way. I've been semi-nervous about marriage forever.)

What to do with those sexy pictures?

Why, pick my favorites and make a hardcover photo book, of course! :)

(I'm not getting paid for this, I'm not getting anything for free other than the code I'm showing all of you as well.)

Right now you can get a free photo book at picaboo (just pay shipping) I'm so excited I found out about this because I'm going to make a book for Tom of my B-pics and give it to him as a wedding gift. I've never used this site before, but you can't really go wrong with free stuff!

I've seen people turn engagement pictures into a photo book and use it as a guest book for their weddings as well. Or maybe a book of baby pictures for a new mom? Lots of options!

Follow the link below!

http://www.picaboo.com/promo/free-book.html?siteID=URCqYLoo2ow-U4Py0VW8TPLfr_HP00Aj8w

B-pics are in...

I got the CD of my B-pics yesterday. Overall, I am really happy with the way they turned out. I think Tom is really going to like them. (Ok, he got a sneak peek and he did like them, haha.) I'm going to make a photo book and give it to him as a wedding present. I am happy with my B-pic experience and I would do it again, for sure.

I know I looked at tons of B-pic examples when I was trying to get my nerve up enough to get these done...So I'm going to post a few. Hopefully this will be helpful to others thinking about getting them done! And P.S. I'm not a skinny girl! I'm currently a size 10 (hopefully 8 by the wedding) but I've seen girls that are size 14 and 16 (also shot by my photographer) and their pictures turned out really well. I always thought you had to be a size 4 to get B-pics done, but that's not the case, obviously.

Stay-at-home wife

I recently went down to a .9 at work. I work 5 days one week, then 4 days the next. Eventually, I will be down to 4 days every week. I don't really like my job and having an extra day off will really help with my sanity. Tom is also 100% ok with me dropping a day because he can see how much happier I am. I also have time to do all the housework/errands I put off on the weekends because we have better things to be doing!

Eventually (as in once we have a baby) the plan is for me to stop working all together. (if we can swing it financially.) I don't make a lot of money, so I would basically be working just to pay for daycare. If I had a job that I enjoyed and got something out of, it would be worth it to keep working. But I don't like my job, it stresses me out, and I would much rather be at home with my children.

I have absolutely nothing against women who work and have children. I don't think there is anything wrong with that and I don't think it "damages" the children in any way. But my mom was a single mom and she had to work a lot. She missed out on so much because of this. I still remember being upset because she could never come on my field trips, or come into class to help. Or never really having dinner all together as a family. She did what she had to do...but I really wish I would have had my mom around more when I was growing up. And I don't want to miss those things in my future children's lives. I want to be there for all the plays, games, homework projects, etc. I guess I feel bad for WANTING to stay at home....And I would also need some balance because I don't want to turn into someone who never sees adults or gets a life outside of her children/home either. And what happens if I get bored or regret not working outside of the home? Ugh...decisions... At least I have another 1-2 years to think about it before I have to make a decision!

My B-pic experience

Last Saturday was my boudoir session. I was super nervous the closer and closer it got. I've heard so many girls say their B-pics made them feel so confident, beautiful, and sexy. Um, not me! Other than the fact that I had my makeup and hair done really well, nothing about this experience made me feel sexy.

I will start by saying, I do not have my pictures back yet. I have no clue how they turned out. I'm hoping once I see them (assuming they turned out well) I will then feel beatiful. However, I'm only going to write about the actual taking of the pictures for now and I will review again once I get my pictures.

So when I got to the hotel I was stuck in a very crowded elevator with my two bags of lingerie and high heels. Can you say awkward?! I felt like a hooker! haha! Anyway, I made it into the hotel room and met my photographer for the first time. (she will also be our wedding photographer) She was nice and did make me feel comfortable. She was down-to-earth and had some music playing. I felt very comfortable around her.

Then it came time to change. UGH. No matter what, it is hard and very uncomfortable to wear lingerie in front of a stranger if you're not proud of your body. But I really had no choice by that point, I had to do it! It was hot in that room and I was really nervous so I was really sweating!! (not very sexy!) I spent the next hour posing in weird positions with a camera in my face. Let me tell you, it was a WORKOUT! Holding my legs up, sucking in my stomach, pushing the ta-tas out, etc. (I ended up super sore the next day--and I do workout! I'm not terribly out of shape--It was just using and flexing muscles I don't use very often!) I didn't have any time to think, "I'm so sexy, I feel amazing." Because instead I was thinking, "suck in your stomach, man it's hot in here, I hope these pics turn out ok, am I really doing this?! etc etc etc."

I was so glad when it was over and I could go home and EAT! It was 1:30pm by this point and all I had to eat that day was a cup of coffee! I made my fiance take me out to lunch and I splurged! :) (That was my favorite part of my B-pic experience so far!)

So in review, the actual picture taking part of it was stressful, and I didn't really feel "sexy." Oh, and it was HOT (as in the temperature!) but I think she got some good shots and I can't wait to see them. I have a feeling once I see the pictures THEN I will feel beautiful. But would I do B-pics again even though I didn't really enjoy getting the pictures taken? Yes. It did help with my confidence and I do think I will get some nice pictures out of it.

A gift for my groom

I'm getting Boudoir pictures done on Saturday! In less than 48 hours I will have to get half naked and let a stranger take pictures of me! Yikes! I really wish I would have lost another 10 pounds by now. I really hope I don't look like a fat cow. :( I'm getting really, really nervous! Ugh...